Health update:
It's been a while since I've blogged about how things are going, so I figured I'd write an update, for those who are interested.
I stopped the Lyrica quite a while ago, maybe 5 days after I started taking it. It wasn't helping, at all, and the side effects were annoying. I'm now on MS Contin, which didn't help at 1 tablet a day, helped a little at 2 tablets a day, and one day I had unbelievable pain, I couldn't move, so I tried a third. And my pain just disappeared. I did feel a little disoriented/spacey, but anything is worth it if I'm pain free! I also slept very deeply for the first 3hrs that night. So I need to contact my doctor [consultant physician] again, (we're working out the right dose, increasing in the smallest increments possible as necessary) and let him know that 3 tablets a day, spread out from when I first get up until late evening is enough to kill pain.
Sleep hygeine/getting up at the same time each day:
I'm still getting up at 1pm each day, because my sleep pattern hasn't adjusted yet, and I've had to get up at different times the past week (9am, 11am, etc.) so I think my body is just really confused as to when it's meant to sleep! I'll move it back to 12.45pm or 12.30pm as soon as I've adjusted to the change. It's really difficult, because my meds that are supposed to keep me awake don't work well enough anymore. I've never taken them daily, because I've never had enough, but now I'm just so desperately in need of sleep that I could fall asleep if I lay down, even for a minute. So I can't lie down, unless my pain is really bad, enough that I can't sit up or move.
I doubt I'll ever be able to get up at 9am every day. I know I'll have to get up early some days for school in November and next year, but it's different; if you're getting up at 9am when you're at home, there is nothing to do. I'm too sick and sleepy/exhausted to study, which leaves watching tv or going on the internet. They're all nice things, but from 9am-11pm? No thanks. Even if you add in reading, writing and tidying my room, I'd be so tired that I'd need a nap. But I'm not allowed to nap. I think on weekends I should be allowed to sleep in, until midday at the latest, but eventually I'd hope to get up by 11am.
Weird. Why am I more awake some days than others?
I seem to be more awake and alert when I know I have to do something/be somewhere. For instance, yesterday I got up at 1pm, took my meds, made my bed, got dressed, etc. and was sleepy the whole day. Today, I had maths tutoring, and I got up at 12.45pm, was a little awake and alert before my meds, and am still quite awake now, after 9pm. It's the same with school, (except the 6.30am starts) I only struggle with breakfast, because I'm not hungry in the mornings, but if I don't eat a lot, I'll be starving in the middle of my first class. I am allowed to eat in class, but it's awkward... Like I'm drawing more attention to myself. So I eat a big breakfast (usually curry and rice, or spaghetti bolognese, or something filling) and then am so stressed by school that I can usually only manage a bit of rice or a sandwich with some water for the rest of the day. Then I get home, and am de-stressed, and immediately starving!
Pain:
My pain has got worse; I read in the paper that it's been the wettest year since the drought began, and it's a colder, more bitter winter than last year. This explains my pain. But now my knees seize up, and my ankles hurt terribly, and I get awful rheumatism-like pain in my limbs. The joints are the worst. I really hate leaving the house now, because as soon as I do, it's instant pain. And the pain doesn't go away until I'm really warm and have taken enough painkillers. A lot of nights it keeps me awake. Thankfully we got an inverted heater/cooler installed in my room, and we got a grant to cover part of it, (as I can't regulate my body temperature) so now I can warm up my room and stay warmer. My new quilt is also super warm, and all of these things help with the pain. Heat packs are great, too.
Does anyone else get this sort of pain, or have tips to minimise or cope with it?
Sleep...
My sleep hasn't figured itself out yet. Some nights I sleep okay, other nights I'm awake until 6am, then wake hourly, not to mention when my younger brother gets up and gets ready for school. That's usually from 7.30am-8.40am. If I could sleep from 11pm, it'd be fine. But I can't, and I need more sleep than I ever have: 10-12hrs a night, just to minimise my pain and so that I'm not sleepy all day. I just hope my sleep will improve before my exams!
Well, that's about it! If there are any other things you'd like to know about, comment, and I'll respond. Thanks for reading! Alex. xoxo
Showing posts with label insomnia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insomnia. Show all posts
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Hospitals
My hospital/specialist visit.
I saw my specialist on Monday, who was not of much help. I've been put on a new medication for my back spasms, but I can only take it at night. She won't help with the rest of my pain, my insomnia, or sleep pattern. Apparently it could take over a year for this sleep regime and sleep hygeine to begin to work. I really don't believe much, if anything of what doctors tell me. They've lied to me enough for me to lose faith in them completely.
I got given another dose of vitamin D supplement, it's a liquid oily thing, which tastes horrid. The last time I had it I nearly threw up in my specialist's office, she told me to stop being silly. That was last May/June. I'm meant to have it every winter now. I have many deficiencies and abnormalities, but this is the only one being taken care of!
My specialist gave me the prescriptions I needed, but dated one incorrectly, so the pharmacy couldn't fill it yesterday. Mum went to another local compounding pharmacy who have been filling my various prescriptions since I was 13, and they filled it. It just has to arrive. I'm going to try my new pain medication tonight, and see if it helps me sleep at all. I really hope it does!!!
After I saw my specialist I had to go to pathology to get my vitamin D, iron stores, TSH and more tested. I had to lie down with my legs elevated during the blood test and for 15-20mins after, as I get very faint, dizzy and light-headed with any procedure involving needles and the like.
Then the mean pathologist came in, and laughed.
So I said: "Yeah, it's hilarious, me being this sick, isn't it?" (very sarcastically)
He replies: "Oh, sorry, it's just funny seeing you upside down from this point of view."
Uh-huh. Whatever.
Last time he told me I had to watch my blood test, wasn't allowed to lie down, and it was "all in my head" that I get faint from blood tests, the sight of blood and needles, etc. Afterwards, as it was nearing 5pm, he sent me out into the corridor to wait for my father, even though I was faint, seeing stars and had ringing in my ears. I reported him!! We also reported him when I was 7. He scared the hell out of me then. He said that if I didn't drink 3L of water he'd have to stick me 10 times with a needle. (The hospital policy is a maximum of 3 attempts, unless the patient requests another nurse/pathologist.) I was already frightened of needles, but he made it 100x worse! I now know his name, so I can go to pathology and say: "Anyone at all, except ..."
That's about it for my health/doctor update! I don't expect comments, so don't worry!
Take care. xoxo
I saw my specialist on Monday, who was not of much help. I've been put on a new medication for my back spasms, but I can only take it at night. She won't help with the rest of my pain, my insomnia, or sleep pattern. Apparently it could take over a year for this sleep regime and sleep hygeine to begin to work. I really don't believe much, if anything of what doctors tell me. They've lied to me enough for me to lose faith in them completely.
I got given another dose of vitamin D supplement, it's a liquid oily thing, which tastes horrid. The last time I had it I nearly threw up in my specialist's office, she told me to stop being silly. That was last May/June. I'm meant to have it every winter now. I have many deficiencies and abnormalities, but this is the only one being taken care of!
My specialist gave me the prescriptions I needed, but dated one incorrectly, so the pharmacy couldn't fill it yesterday. Mum went to another local compounding pharmacy who have been filling my various prescriptions since I was 13, and they filled it. It just has to arrive. I'm going to try my new pain medication tonight, and see if it helps me sleep at all. I really hope it does!!!
After I saw my specialist I had to go to pathology to get my vitamin D, iron stores, TSH and more tested. I had to lie down with my legs elevated during the blood test and for 15-20mins after, as I get very faint, dizzy and light-headed with any procedure involving needles and the like.
Then the mean pathologist came in, and laughed.
So I said: "Yeah, it's hilarious, me being this sick, isn't it?" (very sarcastically)
He replies: "Oh, sorry, it's just funny seeing you upside down from this point of view."
Uh-huh. Whatever.
Last time he told me I had to watch my blood test, wasn't allowed to lie down, and it was "all in my head" that I get faint from blood tests, the sight of blood and needles, etc. Afterwards, as it was nearing 5pm, he sent me out into the corridor to wait for my father, even though I was faint, seeing stars and had ringing in my ears. I reported him!! We also reported him when I was 7. He scared the hell out of me then. He said that if I didn't drink 3L of water he'd have to stick me 10 times with a needle. (The hospital policy is a maximum of 3 attempts, unless the patient requests another nurse/pathologist.) I was already frightened of needles, but he made it 100x worse! I now know his name, so I can go to pathology and say: "Anyone at all, except ..."
That's about it for my health/doctor update! I don't expect comments, so don't worry!
Take care. xoxo
Friday, July 16, 2010
Shopping and results!
Shopping:
I went shopping on Monday, but have been recovering until now, (Friday) otherwise I would have posted earlier! I found a bag, some shoes, and got my blazer altered at the tailor's. The bag is black, and the main section has a zip compartment which is ideal for my medications, and in the main section I'll carry my usual things: wallet, water bottle, pension card/library card, (they're the closest thing to an ID I own!) keys, etc. On the front there's another zip compartment, but much larger, and I'll use that for my iPod, iPhone, and anything else I need frequent or quick access to. Perhaps Ondansetron should be kept there, too! On the back of the bag there's a small zip section which is ideal for papaw ointment, lip gloss and a small mirror. Here's a picture, what do you think of the bag?
I have to maintain a high average for my classwork, because I usually do badly on my exams. I panic, and then have a mind blank. This only started after I missed a year of school and was house-bound that year. My doctors think I developed a lot of new fears that year. When I got back to school I was terrified of speaking in class, or even talking to people. I'd also developed mild agoraphobia. I hated leaving the house, and would have a panic attack every morning before school. I still panic before any kind of public speaking, whether it's debating, a speech in front of the school, or just my English class. And I'm really panicky during it. I thought debating would help me face my new fear of public speaking, but it just meant I got to be terrified on a regular basis. So I'm still as scared as ever when it comes to public speaking, but if I feel comfortable in a class, I'll contribute. I'm always told I need to contribute more to class. (Not in German; there was nowhere to hide in a class of four people, including me!)
Another stressor/fear:
I'm stressed that I'll be the same after this year at home, studying by distance: scared of school, scared to speak up, scared of leaving my room. I do go out, but that's different to giving a speech to a class. I wish I could be assessed differently for oral tasks, because they actually mark you on how well you present. So I'm at a disadvantage before I even start the assignment! I just hope that there aren't too many oral presentations, and if there are, that it's group work. Then I don't have to do all the talking. The worst thing is when I get so shaky and start blacking out that I'm not sure if I'll be able to speak... But I always end up talking. Luckily! I really don't think it's fair to assess people on how they present an oral task. A fear of public speaking is very disabling, and if you already have a disability, it's even worse.
Sleep...
I slept well Monday night this week, but I was woken the next night, so since then I've had very broken sleep. Take last night as an example: I went to bed at about 10.50pm, but woke at 1am, 5am, 6am, 7am, 8am, 9am, 10.30am and 11am. I got up at 11.30am, and haven't been back to bed since. It's a pity, because I really need my sleep to recover from all the activity on Monday. I walked so much that day, it was a huge shopping centre! I'm hoping my sleep will right itself again soon, because I will really need rest before my reunion. I hope I can have a good time, because after that, it will be the weekend, then my assignment week. Yay.
I love reading your comments, but I've been missing them lately! Where is everyone?!
I went shopping on Monday, but have been recovering until now, (Friday) otherwise I would have posted earlier! I found a bag, some shoes, and got my blazer altered at the tailor's. The bag is black, and the main section has a zip compartment which is ideal for my medications, and in the main section I'll carry my usual things: wallet, water bottle, pension card/library card, (they're the closest thing to an ID I own!) keys, etc. On the front there's another zip compartment, but much larger, and I'll use that for my iPod, iPhone, and anything else I need frequent or quick access to. Perhaps Ondansetron should be kept there, too! On the back of the bag there's a small zip section which is ideal for papaw ointment, lip gloss and a small mirror. Here's a picture, what do you think of the bag?
The shoes I got were from the Converse outlet, and one pair is black and sparkly, fastened at the side by velcro/press studs and sort of look like slouch boots. They don't have laces, so they're a bit more formal than normal Chucks. Do you like my shoes? I won't be wearing the tops turned down at my reunion, but they're still cool!
The second pair I got are just normal low-tops, except they're pink and glittery, with identical laces. I don't normally like pink, but these were so bright and shiny (I sound like Gollum!) that I couldn't resist. Oh, and the laces are sort of elastic-y. Are they too pink and shiny, or do you like them? Let me know, leave a comment!
I also bought Franz Ferdinand CDs: 'Franz Ferdinand', 'You Could Have It So Much Better', 'Tonight: Franz Ferdinand' and 'Blood: Franz Ferdinand'. The only one I didn't own a digital copy of (from iTunes) was 'Blood: Franz Ferdinand'. I've since listened to it, and I like it, but not as much as the other albums. I don't always like remixes. But since I've really got into Franz Ferdinand, I had to own a copy of all their albums, and actual CDs at that. Same with Oasis and The Killers. I can't wait for Franz Ferdinand's next album, and I really hope they tour here, at a disabled-friendly venue. (ie. Not a festival, an arena with seating, and music that a friend likes so I can access the disabled seating.) With The Killers on hiatus, I needed a band to fill the musical void in my heart! Here are the CDs I bought; sorry the picture is sideways. I take all pics with my iPhone now. Do you like Franz Ferdinand, too? What sort of music are you into? What music would you recommend for me?
I just needed the sleeves on my blazer shortened as they were too long, but otherwise it fits me really well. It will be ready to pick up on Tuesday. Hopefully it turns out fine; I've never really owned a "good" jacket or had to have anything altered besides jeans. I'll post pics of my outfit as soon as I have it all together. I have a really nice necklace to wear, as well. I welcome opinions!
Maths results!
My mum rang my teacher the other day because I was having a mini-meltdown over my results, which I STILL hadn't received. I got an A on my calculus assignment (that really long one that took a fortnight) and a B on my test/assignment which was on calculus and trigonometry, plus a few other things. When I got my results in the mail, I got a fright, because of the way things are classified, my marks fall as a 'High' (B+ or B) and a 'Medium' (C+ or C.) My teacher worked out the percentages, though, and I got a low A, which falls into the 'High' category with the sorting, and for the second assignment I got a high B, which falls into the 'Medium' category with the sorting. So far this year on my assignments I've received: A+, A, B. My next assignment is in the last week of June, and I think it's another long one, but I only get a week to complete it. I really hope I do alright.
I have to maintain a high average for my classwork, because I usually do badly on my exams. I panic, and then have a mind blank. This only started after I missed a year of school and was house-bound that year. My doctors think I developed a lot of new fears that year. When I got back to school I was terrified of speaking in class, or even talking to people. I'd also developed mild agoraphobia. I hated leaving the house, and would have a panic attack every morning before school. I still panic before any kind of public speaking, whether it's debating, a speech in front of the school, or just my English class. And I'm really panicky during it. I thought debating would help me face my new fear of public speaking, but it just meant I got to be terrified on a regular basis. So I'm still as scared as ever when it comes to public speaking, but if I feel comfortable in a class, I'll contribute. I'm always told I need to contribute more to class. (Not in German; there was nowhere to hide in a class of four people, including me!)
Another stressor/fear:
I'm stressed that I'll be the same after this year at home, studying by distance: scared of school, scared to speak up, scared of leaving my room. I do go out, but that's different to giving a speech to a class. I wish I could be assessed differently for oral tasks, because they actually mark you on how well you present. So I'm at a disadvantage before I even start the assignment! I just hope that there aren't too many oral presentations, and if there are, that it's group work. Then I don't have to do all the talking. The worst thing is when I get so shaky and start blacking out that I'm not sure if I'll be able to speak... But I always end up talking. Luckily! I really don't think it's fair to assess people on how they present an oral task. A fear of public speaking is very disabling, and if you already have a disability, it's even worse.
Sleep...
I slept well Monday night this week, but I was woken the next night, so since then I've had very broken sleep. Take last night as an example: I went to bed at about 10.50pm, but woke at 1am, 5am, 6am, 7am, 8am, 9am, 10.30am and 11am. I got up at 11.30am, and haven't been back to bed since. It's a pity, because I really need my sleep to recover from all the activity on Monday. I walked so much that day, it was a huge shopping centre! I'm hoping my sleep will right itself again soon, because I will really need rest before my reunion. I hope I can have a good time, because after that, it will be the weekend, then my assignment week. Yay.
I love reading your comments, but I've been missing them lately! Where is everyone?!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Brain fog and study don't mix.
Study:
Yesterday afternoon I had maths tutoring from 2.15pm - 5pm. And it went well; my tutor understood that sometimes I'd zone out, or need things revised because of the pain I was in, but overall I grasped all the concepts from Week 3. (Integration.) It was the homework that was difficult. My calculator (a TI-89 Titanium) wouldn't co-operate for a graphing question that HAD to be done on the calculator, so I skipped that question entirely after fiddling with the 'window' settings for 20 minutes. I think by the time I'd started my homework, I was in so much pain (back pain as well as the pain from my braces) and so brain dead that I really wasn't in the best condition to be doing calculus. I had to read the questions 3 times before I understood them, and I'd confuse a) with c) and have to start all over again! I finally finished at around 7.30pm, and the homework is sitting in an envelope, addressed and ready to be mailed to my teacher tomorrow. Yes, I could try again another day, but I work best when the mathematical concepts are fresh in my mind - even if my mind is full of 'fog'. Besides, I hate making mistakes, or realising that I've made them. I always think I should have done better, even if I get an A+. But because it's maths, I'm just going to settle for an end-of-year pass mark. I can't fail, or else I won't be able to get into Accounting. (I'm desperate to study Arts, then Law, but if I'm still really sick... A safe government job is what I should go for.) So my week is pretty much free until I have tutoring again next Saturday!
Sleep/insomnia.
I guess I thought I would sleep after studying for so long, being in so much pain all day, for days (which is exhausting) and washing, drying and straightening my hair (an exhausting task, which must be done every second day.) But I didn't sleep well. My younger brother was so hyper, he was banging on the bedroom walls and yelling until late at night (11.40pm) so even if I'd been able to go to bed at 10.30pm, I would've just become really stressed and felt sicker. I woke at 1am and 3.40am, and then slept fitfully until 6am. I have a really sore throat today, and have had one since I woke at 3.40am, so I got up at 6.30am to get ice cream! And then I got chills, then I felt like I was running a fever.
I'm just really not feeling well, and I think that the lack of sleep is making me sick. I've been up since 6.30am, pretty much, just lying down in between. I'm really nauseous, but can't take Ondansetron because it's being rationed for days when I'm doing something. (Like yesterday - study.) I did manage to change my bed linen today, but I've pretty much used up all my energy. And it's not even 1pm yet! I've spent a lot of time on my iPhone; on Tumblr, Twitter, and Facebook. That's basically my life: the internet and study. I stayed out of bed from 11am yesterday, and went to bed at 11pm, but I still slept terribly. I really think this "sleep hygeine" is useless for me. I'm going to nap if I can soon, because I feel really sick, and there's just not enough that I can do to keep myself occupied!
Comment if you have any suggestions for ways to use my time (NOT STUDY!!) or just want to say 'hi' ... I'm missing the comments! Thanks for reading!
Yesterday afternoon I had maths tutoring from 2.15pm - 5pm. And it went well; my tutor understood that sometimes I'd zone out, or need things revised because of the pain I was in, but overall I grasped all the concepts from Week 3. (Integration.) It was the homework that was difficult. My calculator (a TI-89 Titanium) wouldn't co-operate for a graphing question that HAD to be done on the calculator, so I skipped that question entirely after fiddling with the 'window' settings for 20 minutes. I think by the time I'd started my homework, I was in so much pain (back pain as well as the pain from my braces) and so brain dead that I really wasn't in the best condition to be doing calculus. I had to read the questions 3 times before I understood them, and I'd confuse a) with c) and have to start all over again! I finally finished at around 7.30pm, and the homework is sitting in an envelope, addressed and ready to be mailed to my teacher tomorrow. Yes, I could try again another day, but I work best when the mathematical concepts are fresh in my mind - even if my mind is full of 'fog'. Besides, I hate making mistakes, or realising that I've made them. I always think I should have done better, even if I get an A+. But because it's maths, I'm just going to settle for an end-of-year pass mark. I can't fail, or else I won't be able to get into Accounting. (I'm desperate to study Arts, then Law, but if I'm still really sick... A safe government job is what I should go for.) So my week is pretty much free until I have tutoring again next Saturday!
Sleep/insomnia.
I guess I thought I would sleep after studying for so long, being in so much pain all day, for days (which is exhausting) and washing, drying and straightening my hair (an exhausting task, which must be done every second day.) But I didn't sleep well. My younger brother was so hyper, he was banging on the bedroom walls and yelling until late at night (11.40pm) so even if I'd been able to go to bed at 10.30pm, I would've just become really stressed and felt sicker. I woke at 1am and 3.40am, and then slept fitfully until 6am. I have a really sore throat today, and have had one since I woke at 3.40am, so I got up at 6.30am to get ice cream! And then I got chills, then I felt like I was running a fever.
I'm just really not feeling well, and I think that the lack of sleep is making me sick. I've been up since 6.30am, pretty much, just lying down in between. I'm really nauseous, but can't take Ondansetron because it's being rationed for days when I'm doing something. (Like yesterday - study.) I did manage to change my bed linen today, but I've pretty much used up all my energy. And it's not even 1pm yet! I've spent a lot of time on my iPhone; on Tumblr, Twitter, and Facebook. That's basically my life: the internet and study. I stayed out of bed from 11am yesterday, and went to bed at 11pm, but I still slept terribly. I really think this "sleep hygeine" is useless for me. I'm going to nap if I can soon, because I feel really sick, and there's just not enough that I can do to keep myself occupied!
Comment if you have any suggestions for ways to use my time (NOT STUDY!!) or just want to say 'hi' ... I'm missing the comments! Thanks for reading!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Braces
Braces:
I got my braces on last week, on Tuesday afternoon. And it didn't hurt... For a few hours. Then it was absolutely agonising. And it still is. The orthodontist and assistants are all really nice, and they explain what they're going to do before they do it, and they warn me if something might be painful! This is all new for me, my last orthodontist thought braces were a "pain-free" procedure, but it would be hard to eat steak for the first week. She obviously never had braces, or met people with different pain thresholds!
I'm on Panadeine Forte for the pain, which, as bloody always, does almost nothing. On the upside, it means I can open my mouth enough to eat rice, but apart from coconut rice, I'm basically living off jelly, ice cream, and anything soft that doesn't require chewing. I take Mersyndol before bed and when I wake at 3am, because it's supposed to help you sleep. It didn't when I last had braces, and it isn't this time! Still, it means the Panadeine Forte will last longer, because I don't know how long I'll be in pain.
The pain is keeping me awake at night. I've been waking at 3am every single night since I got these braces, and today, I haven't got back to sleep yet. And I have to get up at 12.45pm for maths tutoring. I'm really not looking forward to it; it's hard for me to concentrate at the best of times, but when I'm in overwhelming pain, calculus is infinitely more difficult. I haven't been able to revise at all. The first week of the holidays I was too exhausted and busy, and this week I've been in too much pain and too sleep deprived. I really hope I can remember the basics of antidifferentiation and integration, I really don't want to waste my tutor's time revising. I feel guilty that I couldn't revise, and that I'm taking up my tutor's weekends every week...
I'm considering going to the hospital if the pain keeps up much longer. It isn't often that pain brings me to tears, but this is. On a daily basis. Also, decent pain relief (like morphine) helps you sleep, apparently. It didn't when I was 9, but, who knows? I just want to be pain free for one entire day!!!
Sleep routine:
I'm still going to bed each night between 10.30pm and 11.30pm, and I am generally asleep by midnight. I always wake at 3am, regardless of what time I got up the previous day, whether I napped, or anything else that's sleep-hygeine related. This week, it's been the pain waking me, but before that, it was a new pattern. I just hope it changes again soon. My younger brother goes back to school on Monday, so I'll be able to go to bed at 10.30pm every night and get to sleep sooner, because it will be quiet, finally. Mum has promised. I figure if I stick to a night time routine, the day time sleep will lessen - my need for it, that is, so eventually I can get up earlier. Some days I'm in bed until 4pm simply because I can't get up. I really need more sleep, at night, in order to do well this year, and to get back to school and Orientation. I'm trying my hardest, but my body is trying it's hardest to make sure I don't sleep! M.E. is the most confusing, frustrating and misunderstood illness!!
Reunion:
I have a one-year reunion for my high school coming up in about a fortnight. I've pretty much got my outfit, but I need a bag, as mentioned in a previous post, and I might get a new pair of Chucks. One day I'll be able to fit into adult's shoes. I'd wear flats, but I can only fit into one kind, that is sold at one store in one season, and last time I went, they had a size 2 (I've grown out of mine) and a size 6. Not helpful. But at least I'm relatively cheap to buy for when it comes to clothing; I fit kid's shoes a lot of the time, especially if they're runners.
I'm hoping the pain will subside enough for me to go and look for a bag and maybe get some Chucks. I know my size, and the colours I like, so it's not too energy-consuming to buy them. I'm excited about the reunion; I haven't really seen anyone since my November exams last year, and then it was only a few girls. If I'm still in pain by the reunion, which I shouldn't be, I'll eat some rice beforehand, because I doubt they'll be serving jelly, lol!!
Unfortunately, I'm seeing my specialist earlier that week, so I'll be tired from the constant battle for meds or a treatment that isn't SSRIs. I just refuse SSRIs and Melatonin; they don't work, they never have, and they won't now!
Thanks for reading, and I love reading your comments and seeing your feedback. LMK if the last post was too long, okay?
I got my braces on last week, on Tuesday afternoon. And it didn't hurt... For a few hours. Then it was absolutely agonising. And it still is. The orthodontist and assistants are all really nice, and they explain what they're going to do before they do it, and they warn me if something might be painful! This is all new for me, my last orthodontist thought braces were a "pain-free" procedure, but it would be hard to eat steak for the first week. She obviously never had braces, or met people with different pain thresholds!
I'm on Panadeine Forte for the pain, which, as bloody always, does almost nothing. On the upside, it means I can open my mouth enough to eat rice, but apart from coconut rice, I'm basically living off jelly, ice cream, and anything soft that doesn't require chewing. I take Mersyndol before bed and when I wake at 3am, because it's supposed to help you sleep. It didn't when I last had braces, and it isn't this time! Still, it means the Panadeine Forte will last longer, because I don't know how long I'll be in pain.
The pain is keeping me awake at night. I've been waking at 3am every single night since I got these braces, and today, I haven't got back to sleep yet. And I have to get up at 12.45pm for maths tutoring. I'm really not looking forward to it; it's hard for me to concentrate at the best of times, but when I'm in overwhelming pain, calculus is infinitely more difficult. I haven't been able to revise at all. The first week of the holidays I was too exhausted and busy, and this week I've been in too much pain and too sleep deprived. I really hope I can remember the basics of antidifferentiation and integration, I really don't want to waste my tutor's time revising. I feel guilty that I couldn't revise, and that I'm taking up my tutor's weekends every week...
I'm considering going to the hospital if the pain keeps up much longer. It isn't often that pain brings me to tears, but this is. On a daily basis. Also, decent pain relief (like morphine) helps you sleep, apparently. It didn't when I was 9, but, who knows? I just want to be pain free for one entire day!!!
Sleep routine:
I'm still going to bed each night between 10.30pm and 11.30pm, and I am generally asleep by midnight. I always wake at 3am, regardless of what time I got up the previous day, whether I napped, or anything else that's sleep-hygeine related. This week, it's been the pain waking me, but before that, it was a new pattern. I just hope it changes again soon. My younger brother goes back to school on Monday, so I'll be able to go to bed at 10.30pm every night and get to sleep sooner, because it will be quiet, finally. Mum has promised. I figure if I stick to a night time routine, the day time sleep will lessen - my need for it, that is, so eventually I can get up earlier. Some days I'm in bed until 4pm simply because I can't get up. I really need more sleep, at night, in order to do well this year, and to get back to school and Orientation. I'm trying my hardest, but my body is trying it's hardest to make sure I don't sleep! M.E. is the most confusing, frustrating and misunderstood illness!!
Reunion:
I have a one-year reunion for my high school coming up in about a fortnight. I've pretty much got my outfit, but I need a bag, as mentioned in a previous post, and I might get a new pair of Chucks. One day I'll be able to fit into adult's shoes. I'd wear flats, but I can only fit into one kind, that is sold at one store in one season, and last time I went, they had a size 2 (I've grown out of mine) and a size 6. Not helpful. But at least I'm relatively cheap to buy for when it comes to clothing; I fit kid's shoes a lot of the time, especially if they're runners.
I'm hoping the pain will subside enough for me to go and look for a bag and maybe get some Chucks. I know my size, and the colours I like, so it's not too energy-consuming to buy them. I'm excited about the reunion; I haven't really seen anyone since my November exams last year, and then it was only a few girls. If I'm still in pain by the reunion, which I shouldn't be, I'll eat some rice beforehand, because I doubt they'll be serving jelly, lol!!
Unfortunately, I'm seeing my specialist earlier that week, so I'll be tired from the constant battle for meds or a treatment that isn't SSRIs. I just refuse SSRIs and Melatonin; they don't work, they never have, and they won't now!
Thanks for reading, and I love reading your comments and seeing your feedback. LMK if the last post was too long, okay?
Monday, July 5, 2010
Shopping & Twilight
Shopping
So, yesterday I went shopping. I found a blazer on Friday in Portmans after I'd had my hair cut, but they only had a size six. And I'm not a size six, so they put a size ten and twelve on hold at another store in a nearby shopping centre. I managed to go yesterday, as they wouldn't hold it any longer, and the size ten fits (almost) perfectly! I just have to get the sleeves altered; they are too long. I never fit anything properly, and I can never buy shoes. (Unless they're runners, generally Chucks, or Havaianas.) Apparently girls with size 3 feet don't exist. Anyway, Mum talked me into trying on some nice tops (that weren't t-shirts for a change) while I was there, and I found two that I really loved, as well as a necklace to go with the outfit!
I just need to get a bag, and then I've actually got an outfit I can wear to more formal occasions. Until now, my whole wardrobe consisted of jeans, t-shirts, hoodies and tracksuit pants. (For when I'm too sick/in too much pain to put on and/or wear jeans, or need to exercise.) One top is a black lace one, and I'm going to wear a black camisole/tank top under it, obviously. The other top is sort of a dark purple, and it's really pretty. Yes, I'm great at describing things, aren't I?! Um, the blazer is sort of "tuxedo-inspired" (apparently) and it's black.
Twilight
For those of you who are my friends on Facebook or who follow me on Twitter, you may know that I'd been planning an outing with an old friend (our parents met when we were babies!) to see the movie 'Twilight: Eclipse'. I'm not a fan of romances, for instance, I love Shakespeare, but really strongly disliked 'Romeo & Juliet', which was sadly the first Shakespearean play we did in English at school. That was back in Year 9. (In Year 10 we studied 'Macbeth', and in Year 11 we studied 'Othello'. I loved both. Some people thought that was odd.)
Anyway, Mum rented the first two 'Twilight' movies for me last week, so I could catch up, as I wasn't well enough to get to a bookstore. The first one was alright, the second was worse, and the third, which I saw with my friend, was probably my favourite. There were some funny lines, but the last film we saw together was a James Bond movie at Gold Class, with Starlight. That was my choice! So that might give you a clue as to my interests when it comes to movies. I also don't like people messing with the classics. Don't mess with 'Dracula', okay, people?! I don't like my vampires sparkly and feeding off animals! Speaking of 'Dracula', I love the book, and the film. (I don't know which particular version I have, I should check sometime.)
I had a great time, and I was even well enough to wear lip gloss. (The last time I wore make-up was at my Year 11 formal!) Well, I actually wanted to look nice. I didn't want to look like a vampire, being pale and all, but considering that Edward seems to wear lipstick, I probably ended up looking more like a vampire than ever! I really hope that there are some good movies coming out over the next few months, I really want to catch up with this friend again. She even likes 'Doctor Who' now!! Awesome. (I hadn't seen her since March last year, so people can change a lot in that amount of time!)
It was a fundraiser for a charity/support group for adolescents with chronic illnesses - I've been a member since I was in Year 8 (age 14) but I haven't been able to go to any of the socials or camps because they're not designed for spoonies. Things like ropes courses, swimming, rock climbing, indoor sports centres (wheelchair friendly) have been the reasons I've missed out. It's been so long, in fact, that we've now got a new co-ordinator (again) and I only recognised two of the people there. They still remembered me! I had a brilliant time, and I love going out. There was a bookstore next to the movie theatre, and I got super excited, because they had the definitive edition of 'The Diary Of Anne Frank'. Which I mistook for the critical edition. Can I just say that it sucks, because I still have to order it in from the US. Hopefully it's not so expensive anymore, otherwise I'll have to wait until Christmas. *extremelysadface*
Sleep (or lack thereof)
My sleep pattern has gone crazy. I go to bed between 10.30pm and 11.40pm each night, am generally asleep by midnight at the latest, and wake at 2.30am or 3am every night without fail. I stay awake for hours, usually falling asleep again around 7am. But it's now past 8am, and I have not slept since 3am. So I think I might try to sleep until 3pm. I don't care what it supposedly does to one's sleep pattern, I just can't keep using Ondansetron because my crazy, stupid body won't let me sleep! Right now I'm really craving a bagel. We get our milk home-delivered, and you can order other things like eggs, bread, and bagels. I have recently discovered sesame bagels, and love them! They're perfect for when I feel sick, but have to eat. But back to the sleep. Because this new sleep pattern only started about 10 days ago, I figure that if I continue to go to bed at around 11pm nightly, and avoid naps, it should right itself, so that I can start to get up earlier each day. (No earlier than 11am. That's just a waste of rest time, and the only advantage of distance education!) I'm still not sleepy. I have no idea what is wrong with my body clock, because I am really starting to feel sick now.
Braces. Again.
So, on Tuesday afternoon I'm having my braces put on. Yay! NOT. I am really not looking forward to the pain, and I couldn't get an appointment with my G.P. until Wednesday evening, so I'm going to have to use lots of OTC painkillers to manage. (Last time I got both top and bottom sets of braces on at once, and I was on a liquid diet for a month. I couldn't chew! I'd tear my sandwiches into pieces, then swallow them whole. I was 12, and it was much less painful having four teeth removed under general anesthetic than it was to have braces.) I'd rather have the painkillers I got when I had those teeth pulled than Panadeine Forte! IDK what they put in my drip, but it was effective. I couldn't feel my lip for two days! (It was quite funny.) I'm hoping because I am only getting braces on the top set of teeth, and on a much smaller section, that the pain will be a lot less, but I really don't know. I have an incredibly low pain threshold. I just hope I can still get things done this week. Like get a bag to go with that outfit, or see my grandmother, or even study, because I have tutoring this Saturday. And it's the last week of the holidays. *sigh*
Thanks for reading, comment if you want, I'm sure you know by now that I love comments!
So, yesterday I went shopping. I found a blazer on Friday in Portmans after I'd had my hair cut, but they only had a size six. And I'm not a size six, so they put a size ten and twelve on hold at another store in a nearby shopping centre. I managed to go yesterday, as they wouldn't hold it any longer, and the size ten fits (almost) perfectly! I just have to get the sleeves altered; they are too long. I never fit anything properly, and I can never buy shoes. (Unless they're runners, generally Chucks, or Havaianas.) Apparently girls with size 3 feet don't exist. Anyway, Mum talked me into trying on some nice tops (that weren't t-shirts for a change) while I was there, and I found two that I really loved, as well as a necklace to go with the outfit!
I just need to get a bag, and then I've actually got an outfit I can wear to more formal occasions. Until now, my whole wardrobe consisted of jeans, t-shirts, hoodies and tracksuit pants. (For when I'm too sick/in too much pain to put on and/or wear jeans, or need to exercise.) One top is a black lace one, and I'm going to wear a black camisole/tank top under it, obviously. The other top is sort of a dark purple, and it's really pretty. Yes, I'm great at describing things, aren't I?! Um, the blazer is sort of "tuxedo-inspired" (apparently) and it's black.
Twilight
For those of you who are my friends on Facebook or who follow me on Twitter, you may know that I'd been planning an outing with an old friend (our parents met when we were babies!) to see the movie 'Twilight: Eclipse'. I'm not a fan of romances, for instance, I love Shakespeare, but really strongly disliked 'Romeo & Juliet', which was sadly the first Shakespearean play we did in English at school. That was back in Year 9. (In Year 10 we studied 'Macbeth', and in Year 11 we studied 'Othello'. I loved both. Some people thought that was odd.)
Anyway, Mum rented the first two 'Twilight' movies for me last week, so I could catch up, as I wasn't well enough to get to a bookstore. The first one was alright, the second was worse, and the third, which I saw with my friend, was probably my favourite. There were some funny lines, but the last film we saw together was a James Bond movie at Gold Class, with Starlight. That was my choice! So that might give you a clue as to my interests when it comes to movies. I also don't like people messing with the classics. Don't mess with 'Dracula', okay, people?! I don't like my vampires sparkly and feeding off animals! Speaking of 'Dracula', I love the book, and the film. (I don't know which particular version I have, I should check sometime.)
I had a great time, and I was even well enough to wear lip gloss. (The last time I wore make-up was at my Year 11 formal!) Well, I actually wanted to look nice. I didn't want to look like a vampire, being pale and all, but considering that Edward seems to wear lipstick, I probably ended up looking more like a vampire than ever! I really hope that there are some good movies coming out over the next few months, I really want to catch up with this friend again. She even likes 'Doctor Who' now!! Awesome. (I hadn't seen her since March last year, so people can change a lot in that amount of time!)
It was a fundraiser for a charity/support group for adolescents with chronic illnesses - I've been a member since I was in Year 8 (age 14) but I haven't been able to go to any of the socials or camps because they're not designed for spoonies. Things like ropes courses, swimming, rock climbing, indoor sports centres (wheelchair friendly) have been the reasons I've missed out. It's been so long, in fact, that we've now got a new co-ordinator (again) and I only recognised two of the people there. They still remembered me! I had a brilliant time, and I love going out. There was a bookstore next to the movie theatre, and I got super excited, because they had the definitive edition of 'The Diary Of Anne Frank'. Which I mistook for the critical edition. Can I just say that it sucks, because I still have to order it in from the US. Hopefully it's not so expensive anymore, otherwise I'll have to wait until Christmas. *extremelysadface*
Sleep (or lack thereof)
My sleep pattern has gone crazy. I go to bed between 10.30pm and 11.40pm each night, am generally asleep by midnight at the latest, and wake at 2.30am or 3am every night without fail. I stay awake for hours, usually falling asleep again around 7am. But it's now past 8am, and I have not slept since 3am. So I think I might try to sleep until 3pm. I don't care what it supposedly does to one's sleep pattern, I just can't keep using Ondansetron because my crazy, stupid body won't let me sleep! Right now I'm really craving a bagel. We get our milk home-delivered, and you can order other things like eggs, bread, and bagels. I have recently discovered sesame bagels, and love them! They're perfect for when I feel sick, but have to eat. But back to the sleep. Because this new sleep pattern only started about 10 days ago, I figure that if I continue to go to bed at around 11pm nightly, and avoid naps, it should right itself, so that I can start to get up earlier each day. (No earlier than 11am. That's just a waste of rest time, and the only advantage of distance education!) I'm still not sleepy. I have no idea what is wrong with my body clock, because I am really starting to feel sick now.
Braces. Again.
So, on Tuesday afternoon I'm having my braces put on. Yay! NOT. I am really not looking forward to the pain, and I couldn't get an appointment with my G.P. until Wednesday evening, so I'm going to have to use lots of OTC painkillers to manage. (Last time I got both top and bottom sets of braces on at once, and I was on a liquid diet for a month. I couldn't chew! I'd tear my sandwiches into pieces, then swallow them whole. I was 12, and it was much less painful having four teeth removed under general anesthetic than it was to have braces.) I'd rather have the painkillers I got when I had those teeth pulled than Panadeine Forte! IDK what they put in my drip, but it was effective. I couldn't feel my lip for two days! (It was quite funny.) I'm hoping because I am only getting braces on the top set of teeth, and on a much smaller section, that the pain will be a lot less, but I really don't know. I have an incredibly low pain threshold. I just hope I can still get things done this week. Like get a bag to go with that outfit, or see my grandmother, or even study, because I have tutoring this Saturday. And it's the last week of the holidays. *sigh*
Thanks for reading, comment if you want, I'm sure you know by now that I love comments!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Holidays!
Holidays!
Yep, it's finally the holidays!! Friday was my last day of the school term, and I was up until midnight finishing my homework on Thursday, after having tutoring at 6.30pm. Tutoring was alright, but calculus is just getting more and more difficult. I hope I'll be able to study next week, so I don't forget everything, but above all, I hope I can do well on my exams and remaining SACs. We covered Integration that week. I didn't like it much! I am seeing a friend on Saturday, we're going to see Twilight. I should really rent the other movies so I'm not totally lost! I can't wait to get out of the house, but my main concern is that I'll be so exhausted I won't be able to enjoy it. I've been doing too much these past few weeks. I also need to find a blazer. I saw some in a magazine that were by Living Doll, and I'm hoping there's a place nearby that stocks the brand, as well as blazers that aren't necessarily floral. I just want something plain!
The past week:
The past week has been pretty busy; on Monday I found out that I definitely need braces. Again. I saw the orthodontist (not the one who did my last set of braces) and I need them on my top set of teeth. I'm having them done on the 6th of July. It would be awful if my teeth moved again! So I need to get Panadeine Forte from my doctor for that, because it's always really painful getting braces put on or having the wires changed. But this orthodontist is nice, so that's one good thing. I had to have an x-ray that same day, and then I had an appointment in the evening.
On Wednesday I had my personal training session, and went to Officeworks afterwards to pick up some things for a school project. (For my younger brother.) I also got another notebook, identical to the one I currently use as a diary because I figure I'll go through it in the next few months, and I really like the design.
Thursday I didn't sleep very well, and was up from about 10am, watching the results of the leadership spill, and the speeches from ex PM Kevin Rudd, the new PM Julia Gillard, and deputy PM Wayne Swan. I ended up going back to bed at about 1.30pm for a nap before tutoring. (Previously mentioned.)
Friday I had another appointment, and I only got 2hrs' sleep. I also changed my bed linen (a huge task for me, one I try to do every week) washed my hair and put on a wash. I spent basically all of the weekend in bed; I feel completely wiped out, and most days it takes me an hour to sit up in bed. It's like my limbs are lead.
This week:
Today I had an appointment, as I did yesterday evening, but I don't have to do anything on Wednesday and Thursday except rest before I go out on Saturday. On Friday I'm having my hair cut, which is good, because it'll save me energy; I won't have to wash it that day! I've been going to bed between 11pm and 11.45pm for the past week or so, and it worked quite well some nights, except that I was waking every hour, but last night I went to bed at 11.45, gave up on sleep at 2am, watched tv, tried sleeping repeatedly, but was awake until about 6.30am. And I got up at 11am today, so I am feeling really sick, disoriented, dizzy and nauseous. If someone could fix my sleep, I think all my other symptoms would ease incredibly! Does anyone else feel that if they slept, their symptoms would be relieved?
The new PM...
I think it's a good thing that the Labor party has a new leader; after several disasters, for which Kevin Rudd took most, if not all of the blame, they needed a change of image. I also think that Julia Gillard would be able to defeat Tony Abbot more easily than Kevin Rudd, but it's still very early to be making predictions. But I do think that by changing leaders they have distanced themselves somewhat from the various disasters that have happened, and are also promising change. I am interested to see what sort of role Kevin Rudd will take on in the new Government, and am also wondering when he will change his Twitter account. It still has the title "PM" in it. Speaking of Twitter, there are some really funny (fake) politician's accounts out there. I can't wait for the election, but I really hope that it doesn't come too close to my exams!
That's it...
I guess that's all I can really think of at the moment. I haven't got a lot to say, but if I were feeling better, I would write more about the change of leadership. I'm still writing in my diary nearly every day, and I spend a lot of time on my iPhone. I love the "Fruit Ninja" app. It's heaps of fun, but not so good if you're trying to relax before bed! Then I just read news sites. I might try to get up at 11am or midday each day, because then I might sleep at night. I'll really need my sleep before I go to see the film, because it takes about an hour to get there, (I think, when you include picking my friend up) so I'll have to get up at about 11am. And I want to be able to enjoy myself, and eat junk food! =p
Keep the comments coming, I love to hear from any and all readers! Sorry if this was a boring post!!
Yep, it's finally the holidays!! Friday was my last day of the school term, and I was up until midnight finishing my homework on Thursday, after having tutoring at 6.30pm. Tutoring was alright, but calculus is just getting more and more difficult. I hope I'll be able to study next week, so I don't forget everything, but above all, I hope I can do well on my exams and remaining SACs. We covered Integration that week. I didn't like it much! I am seeing a friend on Saturday, we're going to see Twilight. I should really rent the other movies so I'm not totally lost! I can't wait to get out of the house, but my main concern is that I'll be so exhausted I won't be able to enjoy it. I've been doing too much these past few weeks. I also need to find a blazer. I saw some in a magazine that were by Living Doll, and I'm hoping there's a place nearby that stocks the brand, as well as blazers that aren't necessarily floral. I just want something plain!
The past week:
The past week has been pretty busy; on Monday I found out that I definitely need braces. Again. I saw the orthodontist (not the one who did my last set of braces) and I need them on my top set of teeth. I'm having them done on the 6th of July. It would be awful if my teeth moved again! So I need to get Panadeine Forte from my doctor for that, because it's always really painful getting braces put on or having the wires changed. But this orthodontist is nice, so that's one good thing. I had to have an x-ray that same day, and then I had an appointment in the evening.
On Wednesday I had my personal training session, and went to Officeworks afterwards to pick up some things for a school project. (For my younger brother.) I also got another notebook, identical to the one I currently use as a diary because I figure I'll go through it in the next few months, and I really like the design.
Thursday I didn't sleep very well, and was up from about 10am, watching the results of the leadership spill, and the speeches from ex PM Kevin Rudd, the new PM Julia Gillard, and deputy PM Wayne Swan. I ended up going back to bed at about 1.30pm for a nap before tutoring. (Previously mentioned.)
Friday I had another appointment, and I only got 2hrs' sleep. I also changed my bed linen (a huge task for me, one I try to do every week) washed my hair and put on a wash. I spent basically all of the weekend in bed; I feel completely wiped out, and most days it takes me an hour to sit up in bed. It's like my limbs are lead.
This week:
Today I had an appointment, as I did yesterday evening, but I don't have to do anything on Wednesday and Thursday except rest before I go out on Saturday. On Friday I'm having my hair cut, which is good, because it'll save me energy; I won't have to wash it that day! I've been going to bed between 11pm and 11.45pm for the past week or so, and it worked quite well some nights, except that I was waking every hour, but last night I went to bed at 11.45, gave up on sleep at 2am, watched tv, tried sleeping repeatedly, but was awake until about 6.30am. And I got up at 11am today, so I am feeling really sick, disoriented, dizzy and nauseous. If someone could fix my sleep, I think all my other symptoms would ease incredibly! Does anyone else feel that if they slept, their symptoms would be relieved?
The new PM...
I think it's a good thing that the Labor party has a new leader; after several disasters, for which Kevin Rudd took most, if not all of the blame, they needed a change of image. I also think that Julia Gillard would be able to defeat Tony Abbot more easily than Kevin Rudd, but it's still very early to be making predictions. But I do think that by changing leaders they have distanced themselves somewhat from the various disasters that have happened, and are also promising change. I am interested to see what sort of role Kevin Rudd will take on in the new Government, and am also wondering when he will change his Twitter account. It still has the title "PM" in it. Speaking of Twitter, there are some really funny (fake) politician's accounts out there. I can't wait for the election, but I really hope that it doesn't come too close to my exams!
That's it...
I guess that's all I can really think of at the moment. I haven't got a lot to say, but if I were feeling better, I would write more about the change of leadership. I'm still writing in my diary nearly every day, and I spend a lot of time on my iPhone. I love the "Fruit Ninja" app. It's heaps of fun, but not so good if you're trying to relax before bed! Then I just read news sites. I might try to get up at 11am or midday each day, because then I might sleep at night. I'll really need my sleep before I go to see the film, because it takes about an hour to get there, (I think, when you include picking my friend up) so I'll have to get up at about 11am. And I want to be able to enjoy myself, and eat junk food! =p
Keep the comments coming, I love to hear from any and all readers! Sorry if this was a boring post!!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Maths and other things
Another outing!
I got to go to IKEA on Saturday, as I really needed a new wardrobe and bedside table. I didn't go until 4pm, but I still needed Ondansetron; I've been getting shocking nausea, headaches, dizziness and disorientation/confusion from the LDN. (Which I have had to stop taking; I have been off it for two or three days.) I went to the cafe first, and I really love IKEA's cafe. Particularly the free refills on soft drinks! But for the past 4 days I've eaten one bowl of low fat pumpkin soup (nearly threw it up, that was a mistake) and a few spoons of coconut rice if I get starving. I wonder if I've lost weight; I know I lost a kilo last week. Anyway, I was all *sadface* because I couldn't even finish the kids' bowl of chips I'd got. But I managed a glass of Pepsi. =D It's a good thing I don't lose weight as easily as I used to, otherwise I'd be really thin by now!
Mum had already found out what aisle the wardrobe and bedside table were in, so we went to get them, then organised delivery for the next day, preferably after midday. The furniture arrived at 11am, so I got up at 10.15am, (which is when Mum warned me it would be dropped off soon) watched a bit of tv, and was going to go back to bed, but had to help with the grocery shopping, and get some take-away coconut rice. (If you're ever feeling nauseous, this seems to be quite tolerable in small amounts.) Then I went back to bed, to catch up on sleep. I'd only got 2hrs' broken sleep during the night. O.o
We're going to organise for the furniture to be assembled (hopefully) sometime this week, and then I'll post pics on Tumblr or Twitter of the new furniture. One of the wardrobe doors has a mirror on it, which is brilliant, 'cause I've only ever had one of those little mirrors designed to sit on a shelf so you can see your face. Not useful for looking at a whole outfit!
Maths...
I started Unit 4 on Sunday, having finished my calculus assignment last week, and my 70-minute SAC in the same week, as well. I'm really not sure about how I'll go, and I know for sure I got one of the short-answer questions really wrong. I guessed. Sometimes guessing pays off, sometimes it doesn't; but you had to attempt every question to show a satisfactory understanding of the topics in that SAC. Ew. Week 1 is antidifferentiation, which is pretty hard. There are also way too many rules, plus it's complicated to set out and remember what I am supposed to be writing!
I had maths tutoring on Monday, and we covered all of Week 1, then after about 2.5hrs of tutoring, I studied for another 3.5hrs, and I managed to complete the week's homework and a 20-minute practice exam. I plan to revise antidifferentiation as soon as I can sleep enough and the house is quiet. I hope I get a decent score for maths this year, I know that it wasn't this difficult in Year 11!!
I might ask some of my friends who graduated last year to study with me/share their notes before my exams. That is one slight advantage to being left behind; you can get help from others who have very recently suffered through the same subjects as you!
I hope my tutor isn't disappointed in me when I get my marks back. She's really nice, I just feel like I could do so much better if I could sleep each night, or 3 nights per week. I feel like I'm letting everyone down; I used to be able to survive on 3hrs' sleep every night when I was 13, now I can't survive on 4 or 5hrs' broken sleep. I think if I were to get 5hrs' sleep without waking, between 11pm and 4am, I would be okay. But some nights I am awake until 4am, or even 8am. And I don't sleep deeply after a whole night awake anymore.
Sleep.
I slept much better on Saturday night, only waking two or three times, and I got to sleep at around 1am, woke at 2am and 6.30am, and got up at 10.15am. Obviously I didn't get 8hrs' sleep, as I was awake from 6.30 onwards, dozing occasionally.
Sunday night I slept about the same, except I woke at 2.30am, and couldn't sleep between 7.30am and 11am as my younger brother had a friend over for a sleepover the night before, and they were quite loud. But, thankfully, they were silent when they got up at 4am or something to watch the World Cup. I had maths tutoring at midday, so I had to get up at 11am, and I took Ondansetron at 10.40am, so I would be able to get ready and eat a little without throwing up.
I slept okay last night, as well; I got to sleep at around 1.30am, woke once or twice (I don't remember when, so I musn't have been awake long) and have been awake since 6.50am. (It's nearly 10.20am.)
I've dimmed my bedside alarm clock so that it doesn't display the time; all my doctors have made me "clock watch" so I can say when I wake/sleep, etc. but that obviously increases anxiety and makes you less likely to sleep. I'm getting used to it, slowly, but I hope it helps my sleep in the long run. I honestly think, looking back at my sleep pattern, that any amount of anxiety or stress directly affects my sleep. Which is why my sleep has been getting steadily worse, along with my health, since I started Year 11, and I get worse each time a doctor lies to me, lets me down, or makes false promises and gives false hope. Ie. "I can cure you, you feel like this all because of your Idiopathic Hypersomnolence." I need to learn to let go of these things, but I've never been good at moving on, or no longer dwelling on the past, so it will be really hard. But it's affecting my health, so I must try.
Blogging...
I'm wondering if I should keep going with my blog; I do know that some people read it, I'm just not sure if it's worth it. I feel I should post at least each week, but is there a point if no one really cares? Would I be better off just using my energy to write in my diary most days. If anyone has any opinions, tips or comments, I'm always happy to hear them!
I got to go to IKEA on Saturday, as I really needed a new wardrobe and bedside table. I didn't go until 4pm, but I still needed Ondansetron; I've been getting shocking nausea, headaches, dizziness and disorientation/confusion from the LDN. (Which I have had to stop taking; I have been off it for two or three days.) I went to the cafe first, and I really love IKEA's cafe. Particularly the free refills on soft drinks! But for the past 4 days I've eaten one bowl of low fat pumpkin soup (nearly threw it up, that was a mistake) and a few spoons of coconut rice if I get starving. I wonder if I've lost weight; I know I lost a kilo last week. Anyway, I was all *sadface* because I couldn't even finish the kids' bowl of chips I'd got. But I managed a glass of Pepsi. =D It's a good thing I don't lose weight as easily as I used to, otherwise I'd be really thin by now!
Mum had already found out what aisle the wardrobe and bedside table were in, so we went to get them, then organised delivery for the next day, preferably after midday. The furniture arrived at 11am, so I got up at 10.15am, (which is when Mum warned me it would be dropped off soon) watched a bit of tv, and was going to go back to bed, but had to help with the grocery shopping, and get some take-away coconut rice. (If you're ever feeling nauseous, this seems to be quite tolerable in small amounts.) Then I went back to bed, to catch up on sleep. I'd only got 2hrs' broken sleep during the night. O.o
We're going to organise for the furniture to be assembled (hopefully) sometime this week, and then I'll post pics on Tumblr or Twitter of the new furniture. One of the wardrobe doors has a mirror on it, which is brilliant, 'cause I've only ever had one of those little mirrors designed to sit on a shelf so you can see your face. Not useful for looking at a whole outfit!
Maths...
I started Unit 4 on Sunday, having finished my calculus assignment last week, and my 70-minute SAC in the same week, as well. I'm really not sure about how I'll go, and I know for sure I got one of the short-answer questions really wrong. I guessed. Sometimes guessing pays off, sometimes it doesn't; but you had to attempt every question to show a satisfactory understanding of the topics in that SAC. Ew. Week 1 is antidifferentiation, which is pretty hard. There are also way too many rules, plus it's complicated to set out and remember what I am supposed to be writing!
I had maths tutoring on Monday, and we covered all of Week 1, then after about 2.5hrs of tutoring, I studied for another 3.5hrs, and I managed to complete the week's homework and a 20-minute practice exam. I plan to revise antidifferentiation as soon as I can sleep enough and the house is quiet. I hope I get a decent score for maths this year, I know that it wasn't this difficult in Year 11!!
I might ask some of my friends who graduated last year to study with me/share their notes before my exams. That is one slight advantage to being left behind; you can get help from others who have very recently suffered through the same subjects as you!
I hope my tutor isn't disappointed in me when I get my marks back. She's really nice, I just feel like I could do so much better if I could sleep each night, or 3 nights per week. I feel like I'm letting everyone down; I used to be able to survive on 3hrs' sleep every night when I was 13, now I can't survive on 4 or 5hrs' broken sleep. I think if I were to get 5hrs' sleep without waking, between 11pm and 4am, I would be okay. But some nights I am awake until 4am, or even 8am. And I don't sleep deeply after a whole night awake anymore.
Sleep.
I slept much better on Saturday night, only waking two or three times, and I got to sleep at around 1am, woke at 2am and 6.30am, and got up at 10.15am. Obviously I didn't get 8hrs' sleep, as I was awake from 6.30 onwards, dozing occasionally.
Sunday night I slept about the same, except I woke at 2.30am, and couldn't sleep between 7.30am and 11am as my younger brother had a friend over for a sleepover the night before, and they were quite loud. But, thankfully, they were silent when they got up at 4am or something to watch the World Cup. I had maths tutoring at midday, so I had to get up at 11am, and I took Ondansetron at 10.40am, so I would be able to get ready and eat a little without throwing up.
I slept okay last night, as well; I got to sleep at around 1.30am, woke once or twice (I don't remember when, so I musn't have been awake long) and have been awake since 6.50am. (It's nearly 10.20am.)
I've dimmed my bedside alarm clock so that it doesn't display the time; all my doctors have made me "clock watch" so I can say when I wake/sleep, etc. but that obviously increases anxiety and makes you less likely to sleep. I'm getting used to it, slowly, but I hope it helps my sleep in the long run. I honestly think, looking back at my sleep pattern, that any amount of anxiety or stress directly affects my sleep. Which is why my sleep has been getting steadily worse, along with my health, since I started Year 11, and I get worse each time a doctor lies to me, lets me down, or makes false promises and gives false hope. Ie. "I can cure you, you feel like this all because of your Idiopathic Hypersomnolence." I need to learn to let go of these things, but I've never been good at moving on, or no longer dwelling on the past, so it will be really hard. But it's affecting my health, so I must try.
Blogging...
I'm wondering if I should keep going with my blog; I do know that some people read it, I'm just not sure if it's worth it. I feel I should post at least each week, but is there a point if no one really cares? Would I be better off just using my energy to write in my diary most days. If anyone has any opinions, tips or comments, I'm always happy to hear them!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Doctor's appointments & a long-kept secret
Doctor's appointments:
I never liked going to the doctor, even before I was diagnosed with M.E. But now, I absolutely hate it. There's the waiting room, for starters. At the G.P's, it's always so noisy, plus there's a tv on in the background showing inane daytime shows, or children's programs, depending on the time. And the people. I'm sure it's partially my sensitivity to stimuli, but the people are so noisy!! Some even shout, because they can't hear well. It's obviously not their fault, I'm just trying to give examples of the different types of noise. These noises bounce around inside my head ad nauseam, and I develop a headache and nausea after about 10mins in the waiting room. I'm always told my G.P. is running "on time" but, really, no one wants to admit that 99% of the time, there's a 30 minute wait. So that's 30 minutes of hell, and I haven't even seen my G.P. yet!
When I get in to see my G.P., things are generally fine. My G.P. is nice and understanding, but is reluctant to do much, as everyone says my specialist is practically God when it comes to M.E. I can tell you, she isn't. If she was, she would've helped me improve, not offered me Melatonin and AD's from the age of 13, to no effect. She still keeps asking if I want to try another SSRI! I hate the side effects, but worst of all, they never work!
When I see my specialist, I have to take a written list of my worst/newest symptoms and all the medications I'm on, because the records aren't electronic. They're one huge paper file bursting at the seams. And my specialist can never remember what she's prescribed me, at what dose, or when. I'm the one with the memory problems, and I'M meant to remember every time?! Then there's the requisite fight to try new treatments. The only one she's accepted was LDN. At the dose she put me on, it was just plain Naltrexone, with the added bonus of zillions of side effects. It's exhausting seeing any doctor, starting from getting up and dressing to fighting for medications like Ondansetron so I can eat and drink.
Good news!
My specialist retracted her order to all G.P's to "never prescribe anything to Alex, leave it all up to me." That was a nice idea, except for the part where she goes overseas with no warning, leaving me with no prescriptions, so I can't study, sit exams or go to school! This happened with my Year 11 exams. I was too sick to sit them, so I was passed based on my SACs and mid-year exams. I'm glad my real school is so accomodating. (By that, I mean, not distance education. They're okay, but my school is more on top of things and organised.)
Anyway, my specialist gave permission to my G.P. to prescribe most of the meds I'm on. And Ondansetron is no longer a problem! I just got another script for 10 wafers from my G.P. last week! I'm so happy, now it means I'll be able to go out with a friend to see a movie in July!! I've known this friend since I was a baby (well, our parents knew each other) but she's always there for me, and hospitals don't weird her out. Which is so nice. Basically, she's obsessed with Twilight, and I thought I'd see it with her. (I've never seen it, I don't like the look of it, but anything to get out of the house and see a friend! It's also a fundraiser, so other chronically ill adolescents will be there!) It also makes study and tutoring easier if I haven't slept much. So that's a weight off my mind.
Insomnia...
As you can see from the time stamp, it's quite late/early, depending on how you look at it! But I managed to sleep somewhere between 1am and 3am. So I'm working with some sleep. My sleep "pattern" has changed again: I go to bed between 11.30pm and 1am, wake every hour, then finally wake at 6am/7am and can't sleep again until midday. It may sound manageable, but it takes me an hour+ to get to sleep, so most nights I've had 4hrs sleep, or 5hrs broken sleep. My body can't function on such little sleep anymore, so there's no point in me getting up; I've tried. I just get a terrible headache, feel dizzy/sick and must promptly retreat to bed! I hope this will change soon.
I've stopped "clock watching" as I know it's detrimental to sleep, but so many sleep clinicians told me to keep a sleep diary. And you have to "clock watch" to keep one. (You record when you eat, have caffeine, take your meds, go to bed, sleep, wake, and get up.) I hated it, but after so many years of filling them in, you get used to it.
The reason I'm so desperate to be able to sleep, virtually uninterrupted between 11pm/midnight and 6.45am/7am is that I need to be able to function for school days that start at 8.30am. And that's not possible at the moment.
I want to return to a real school more that anything, because they handle the forms for everything, and ensure I receive my work and have it in on time. Which is the polar opposite of distance education, in my experience. It's nice to be able to work whenever you want, but losing all social contact and support just isn't worth it.
One day at a time.
I'm trying to learn to take my life one day at a time. But I've never done it before, so I'm finding it really difficult. Particularly when I'm awake late at night, and I can't stop thinking about my life: "What happens if I can't graduate from high school or go to uni?" "I'm never going to be able to support myself, and a pension won't even cover costs of living." "I just want to be normal. I want doctors to admit they don't know. I want apologies for the hell they've put me through." ... Those are some of my thoughts at about 3am, or whenever I start worrying. My whole life has been about my future: getting a great score in Year 12, going to the best and closest uni to study Arts, majoring in Latin or German, then studying Law.
A secret:
I need routine, and I need structure more than the average person. This is due to my ASD, specifically Asperger's Syndrome. This is my secret. I've got much better at social interactions, etc. but I still have a compulsive need to know exactly what is happening, and when. If my routine changes, I panic. Please don't stereotype me. You wouldn't be able to pick it if you met me. I just seem shy. The reason I've improved? My mum. She'd go through role plays of how to act in different situations, acclimatised me to sand and the colour white, (I used to tantrum whenever I saw/touched these things) and taught me how to cope with crowds, loud noises, and physical contact. I've overcome most of these things, but I still hate sand. Although, now, I probably just look like an (awfully pale) teenage girl who hates getting sand on her clothes. (I'm too sick to swim when we go to the beach.)
Does anyone watch "The Big Bang Theory"? I think Sheldon displays many traits of high functioning autism (HFA) or Asperger's Syndrome, part of the Autism Spectrum Disorder. (ASD) I'm definitely not that weird, but I am constantly angry. I talked to my psychologist about it, and, as always, doctors/psychologists don't believe me when I say I have Asperger's Syndrome. They do a double-take, and say "Who diagnosed you?" It was an expert in the area when I was 2 or 3. I don't tell many people because I don't want to be thought of as a freak. But I just got sick of keeping it quiet.
If people don't like me as I am, tough.
Anger...
The anger is a real problem, and it's probably because I hold onto anger from doctors who denied me proper treatment when I was 12, or made me miss my Year 11 exams, or changed my sleep routine permanently when I was 14. All of this anger ends up being directed at my family. I just never feel calm; I'm constantly exhausted, and angry at the world and everything in it! I hope I'm able to calm down soon. We're starting family therapy todat, and I think that will help with the constant fights between me and my younger brother. We fight over everything, because basically everything makes me sicker or makes my symptoms worse! And it's wearing my mum out.
Great, another possible M.E. case in the family?!
I hope my brother's post-viral malaise doesn't turn into M.E. He insists on keeping up with footy training 3 nights a week, plus a match every weekend, and school sport, and P.E.! I try to explain he could end up like me if he doesn't take it easy and pace himself (something I was never told about) but he is in denial. He thinks he'll never get sick. He's got a G.P. appointment today. I hope they test for EBV; they give you a month of no activity after a diagnosis of it now! I was sent back to school as soon as I stopped showing symptoms. Grr.
Goodnight!
Seing as it's after 4.30am, I'd better try to sleep again; goodnight everyone, and I hope you're as well as you can be!
I never liked going to the doctor, even before I was diagnosed with M.E. But now, I absolutely hate it. There's the waiting room, for starters. At the G.P's, it's always so noisy, plus there's a tv on in the background showing inane daytime shows, or children's programs, depending on the time. And the people. I'm sure it's partially my sensitivity to stimuli, but the people are so noisy!! Some even shout, because they can't hear well. It's obviously not their fault, I'm just trying to give examples of the different types of noise. These noises bounce around inside my head ad nauseam, and I develop a headache and nausea after about 10mins in the waiting room. I'm always told my G.P. is running "on time" but, really, no one wants to admit that 99% of the time, there's a 30 minute wait. So that's 30 minutes of hell, and I haven't even seen my G.P. yet!
When I get in to see my G.P., things are generally fine. My G.P. is nice and understanding, but is reluctant to do much, as everyone says my specialist is practically God when it comes to M.E. I can tell you, she isn't. If she was, she would've helped me improve, not offered me Melatonin and AD's from the age of 13, to no effect. She still keeps asking if I want to try another SSRI! I hate the side effects, but worst of all, they never work!
When I see my specialist, I have to take a written list of my worst/newest symptoms and all the medications I'm on, because the records aren't electronic. They're one huge paper file bursting at the seams. And my specialist can never remember what she's prescribed me, at what dose, or when. I'm the one with the memory problems, and I'M meant to remember every time?! Then there's the requisite fight to try new treatments. The only one she's accepted was LDN. At the dose she put me on, it was just plain Naltrexone, with the added bonus of zillions of side effects. It's exhausting seeing any doctor, starting from getting up and dressing to fighting for medications like Ondansetron so I can eat and drink.
Good news!
My specialist retracted her order to all G.P's to "never prescribe anything to Alex, leave it all up to me." That was a nice idea, except for the part where she goes overseas with no warning, leaving me with no prescriptions, so I can't study, sit exams or go to school! This happened with my Year 11 exams. I was too sick to sit them, so I was passed based on my SACs and mid-year exams. I'm glad my real school is so accomodating. (By that, I mean, not distance education. They're okay, but my school is more on top of things and organised.)
Anyway, my specialist gave permission to my G.P. to prescribe most of the meds I'm on. And Ondansetron is no longer a problem! I just got another script for 10 wafers from my G.P. last week! I'm so happy, now it means I'll be able to go out with a friend to see a movie in July!! I've known this friend since I was a baby (well, our parents knew each other) but she's always there for me, and hospitals don't weird her out. Which is so nice. Basically, she's obsessed with Twilight, and I thought I'd see it with her. (I've never seen it, I don't like the look of it, but anything to get out of the house and see a friend! It's also a fundraiser, so other chronically ill adolescents will be there!) It also makes study and tutoring easier if I haven't slept much. So that's a weight off my mind.
Insomnia...
As you can see from the time stamp, it's quite late/early, depending on how you look at it! But I managed to sleep somewhere between 1am and 3am. So I'm working with some sleep. My sleep "pattern" has changed again: I go to bed between 11.30pm and 1am, wake every hour, then finally wake at 6am/7am and can't sleep again until midday. It may sound manageable, but it takes me an hour+ to get to sleep, so most nights I've had 4hrs sleep, or 5hrs broken sleep. My body can't function on such little sleep anymore, so there's no point in me getting up; I've tried. I just get a terrible headache, feel dizzy/sick and must promptly retreat to bed! I hope this will change soon.
I've stopped "clock watching" as I know it's detrimental to sleep, but so many sleep clinicians told me to keep a sleep diary. And you have to "clock watch" to keep one. (You record when you eat, have caffeine, take your meds, go to bed, sleep, wake, and get up.) I hated it, but after so many years of filling them in, you get used to it.
The reason I'm so desperate to be able to sleep, virtually uninterrupted between 11pm/midnight and 6.45am/7am is that I need to be able to function for school days that start at 8.30am. And that's not possible at the moment.
I want to return to a real school more that anything, because they handle the forms for everything, and ensure I receive my work and have it in on time. Which is the polar opposite of distance education, in my experience. It's nice to be able to work whenever you want, but losing all social contact and support just isn't worth it.
One day at a time.
I'm trying to learn to take my life one day at a time. But I've never done it before, so I'm finding it really difficult. Particularly when I'm awake late at night, and I can't stop thinking about my life: "What happens if I can't graduate from high school or go to uni?" "I'm never going to be able to support myself, and a pension won't even cover costs of living." "I just want to be normal. I want doctors to admit they don't know. I want apologies for the hell they've put me through." ... Those are some of my thoughts at about 3am, or whenever I start worrying. My whole life has been about my future: getting a great score in Year 12, going to the best and closest uni to study Arts, majoring in Latin or German, then studying Law.
A secret:
I need routine, and I need structure more than the average person. This is due to my ASD, specifically Asperger's Syndrome. This is my secret. I've got much better at social interactions, etc. but I still have a compulsive need to know exactly what is happening, and when. If my routine changes, I panic. Please don't stereotype me. You wouldn't be able to pick it if you met me. I just seem shy. The reason I've improved? My mum. She'd go through role plays of how to act in different situations, acclimatised me to sand and the colour white, (I used to tantrum whenever I saw/touched these things) and taught me how to cope with crowds, loud noises, and physical contact. I've overcome most of these things, but I still hate sand. Although, now, I probably just look like an (awfully pale) teenage girl who hates getting sand on her clothes. (I'm too sick to swim when we go to the beach.)
Does anyone watch "The Big Bang Theory"? I think Sheldon displays many traits of high functioning autism (HFA) or Asperger's Syndrome, part of the Autism Spectrum Disorder. (ASD) I'm definitely not that weird, but I am constantly angry. I talked to my psychologist about it, and, as always, doctors/psychologists don't believe me when I say I have Asperger's Syndrome. They do a double-take, and say "Who diagnosed you?" It was an expert in the area when I was 2 or 3. I don't tell many people because I don't want to be thought of as a freak. But I just got sick of keeping it quiet.
If people don't like me as I am, tough.
Anger...
The anger is a real problem, and it's probably because I hold onto anger from doctors who denied me proper treatment when I was 12, or made me miss my Year 11 exams, or changed my sleep routine permanently when I was 14. All of this anger ends up being directed at my family. I just never feel calm; I'm constantly exhausted, and angry at the world and everything in it! I hope I'm able to calm down soon. We're starting family therapy todat, and I think that will help with the constant fights between me and my younger brother. We fight over everything, because basically everything makes me sicker or makes my symptoms worse! And it's wearing my mum out.
Great, another possible M.E. case in the family?!
I hope my brother's post-viral malaise doesn't turn into M.E. He insists on keeping up with footy training 3 nights a week, plus a match every weekend, and school sport, and P.E.! I try to explain he could end up like me if he doesn't take it easy and pace himself (something I was never told about) but he is in denial. He thinks he'll never get sick. He's got a G.P. appointment today. I hope they test for EBV; they give you a month of no activity after a diagnosis of it now! I was sent back to school as soon as I stopped showing symptoms. Grr.
Goodnight!
Seing as it's after 4.30am, I'd better try to sleep again; goodnight everyone, and I hope you're as well as you can be!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Lots of stress, too much study...
First SAC of the year...
My SAC didn't arrive in the mail like it was supposed to. So my teacher tried emailing it. Her attachment kept crashing the iMac. So she sent it in the message body of the email, & left work. At 4.15pm. At 5.02pm the message arrived, but the SAC was riddled with errors - a Yen symbol replaced the infinity symbol throughout the SAC, etc. But when I emailed my teacher, she said that it didn't appear that way on her computer, but that the Yen symbol did mean infinity. So I had several panic attacks & became hysterical. (The idea that I was going to fail & I'd missed basic concepts of maths was overwhelming.)
Then my mum left voicemail messages for the student wellbeing person, the year level co-ordinator, the Principal & my teacher outlining the situation they'd placed me in. Including the fact that THEY sent my work 7 weeks late & expected me to magically do 42 - 56hrs of work over the holidays to catch up. Despite the fact I'd explained my situation & had applied on medical grounds.
So it arrived in the mail the next day, (Thursday afternoon) my teacher apologised, as did the year level co-ordinator & the Principal. The SAC counts for the work from Weeks 5, 6 & 7, & I have an extension until this Thursday! I started it on Friday, & finished it today, after tutoring. I texted my tutor last week with a list of the concepts I was finding really hard (graphs; particularly reflections & dilations, as well as circular functions) so we revised that. Luckily it helped some with the SAC. I think I'll get an okay mark. I don't wanna jinx it, lol.
Maths tutoring...
So I had Maths tutoring yesterday, & it went for 2.5 - 3hrs! After that I worked on my SAC. Then I ate... I ended up starving by the end of it! But with tutoring, we covered all of Week 9 (this week beginning Monday) & it was relatively short. Basically just the "tangent function" & some odd thing where you add intercepts to come up with an in-between graph. F**k knows why you'd want to, but, yeah. I learned that. Also, I hate circular functions, I hate graphs, so the "tangent function" is irritating. It's a graph that's circular functions. I guess I just hate graphs & circular functions because I'm not that good at them!
So after resting today, then sending my work off on Monday, I'll attempt the SEND tasks for Week 9 on Tuesday, maybe. If I don't get sick, & everything goes according to plan, I should be on track until the next SAC. It's on differentiation. (Calculus...) I like it more than graphs, that's for sure!
Sleep...
I've been trying to go to bed between midnight & 1am for the past week or something, but, as you can see, tonight, I ceebz. I'm wide awake, it's almost 2.30am, & there were some really good shows taped on the Foxtel iQ. Plus I wanted to stay up until I wasn't dizzy/feeling sick/had a headache from overdoing it yesterday with all that maths! I've tried reading to make me sleepy; no matter what I read, whether it's tax law, news sites, actual newspapers, novels, Shakespeare, poetry, blogs, medical information I've printed off, medical sites, blogs; anything, it doesn't help me sleep. Sometimes just watching tv or DVDs on my laptop until I'm sleepy works. That's why it's great having all those Skins & The OC DVDs! But I am hoping to get a serious sleep pattern going soon, in anticipation of exams & (hopefully) school & graduation next year. I still want a decent ENTER, but right now, I'll settle for getting back to school!
Goodnight!
Well, it's nearly 2.30am, so I'm going to try & sleep now. I love it when anyone posts a comment, or gives feedback. It's nice to know people out there are actually reading this, & some of you understand. I've since downloaded a lot more apps for my iPhone, so there are heaps of things to keep me occupied when I can't sleep, am bored during the day, or want to multi task... Watch tv & use an iPhone. =p Also, is it just me, or are The Killers mentioned in the song "Boys Boys Boys" by Lady GaGa? I could swear they are. Then again, I have ME/CFS induced brain fog!! Hope anyone who reads this is well... Or as well as possible. =)
My SAC didn't arrive in the mail like it was supposed to. So my teacher tried emailing it. Her attachment kept crashing the iMac. So she sent it in the message body of the email, & left work. At 4.15pm. At 5.02pm the message arrived, but the SAC was riddled with errors - a Yen symbol replaced the infinity symbol throughout the SAC, etc. But when I emailed my teacher, she said that it didn't appear that way on her computer, but that the Yen symbol did mean infinity. So I had several panic attacks & became hysterical. (The idea that I was going to fail & I'd missed basic concepts of maths was overwhelming.)
Then my mum left voicemail messages for the student wellbeing person, the year level co-ordinator, the Principal & my teacher outlining the situation they'd placed me in. Including the fact that THEY sent my work 7 weeks late & expected me to magically do 42 - 56hrs of work over the holidays to catch up. Despite the fact I'd explained my situation & had applied on medical grounds.
So it arrived in the mail the next day, (Thursday afternoon) my teacher apologised, as did the year level co-ordinator & the Principal. The SAC counts for the work from Weeks 5, 6 & 7, & I have an extension until this Thursday! I started it on Friday, & finished it today, after tutoring. I texted my tutor last week with a list of the concepts I was finding really hard (graphs; particularly reflections & dilations, as well as circular functions) so we revised that. Luckily it helped some with the SAC. I think I'll get an okay mark. I don't wanna jinx it, lol.
Maths tutoring...
So I had Maths tutoring yesterday, & it went for 2.5 - 3hrs! After that I worked on my SAC. Then I ate... I ended up starving by the end of it! But with tutoring, we covered all of Week 9 (this week beginning Monday) & it was relatively short. Basically just the "tangent function" & some odd thing where you add intercepts to come up with an in-between graph. F**k knows why you'd want to, but, yeah. I learned that. Also, I hate circular functions, I hate graphs, so the "tangent function" is irritating. It's a graph that's circular functions. I guess I just hate graphs & circular functions because I'm not that good at them!
So after resting today, then sending my work off on Monday, I'll attempt the SEND tasks for Week 9 on Tuesday, maybe. If I don't get sick, & everything goes according to plan, I should be on track until the next SAC. It's on differentiation. (Calculus...) I like it more than graphs, that's for sure!
Sleep...
I've been trying to go to bed between midnight & 1am for the past week or something, but, as you can see, tonight, I ceebz. I'm wide awake, it's almost 2.30am, & there were some really good shows taped on the Foxtel iQ. Plus I wanted to stay up until I wasn't dizzy/feeling sick/had a headache from overdoing it yesterday with all that maths! I've tried reading to make me sleepy; no matter what I read, whether it's tax law, news sites, actual newspapers, novels, Shakespeare, poetry, blogs, medical information I've printed off, medical sites, blogs; anything, it doesn't help me sleep. Sometimes just watching tv or DVDs on my laptop until I'm sleepy works. That's why it's great having all those Skins & The OC DVDs! But I am hoping to get a serious sleep pattern going soon, in anticipation of exams & (hopefully) school & graduation next year. I still want a decent ENTER, but right now, I'll settle for getting back to school!
Goodnight!
Well, it's nearly 2.30am, so I'm going to try & sleep now. I love it when anyone posts a comment, or gives feedback. It's nice to know people out there are actually reading this, & some of you understand. I've since downloaded a lot more apps for my iPhone, so there are heaps of things to keep me occupied when I can't sleep, am bored during the day, or want to multi task... Watch tv & use an iPhone. =p Also, is it just me, or are The Killers mentioned in the song "Boys Boys Boys" by Lady GaGa? I could swear they are. Then again, I have ME/CFS induced brain fog!! Hope anyone who reads this is well... Or as well as possible. =)
Saturday, April 10, 2010
iPhone!!!!
iPhone!!!!
I got an iPhone today!! I'm so excited!!! It's a black, 32GB iPhone. It's awesome, but I only spent about 10mins using it; then I put a protective screen cover on it, & you're supposed to wait 12hrs before you turn it on. I put it on at 2.50pm. It's now 4.30pm, so I may just wait 6hrs. That way I can load some apps on to it tonight! One of my friends recommended Echofon for a Twitter app, & suggested I get a Facebook app. Any other suggestions for games/apps I should get? My brother loves something called "Doodle jump" ... Or something. Don't quote me on that. There's also a horrific app where you can kill a cartoon bunny. As a 13-year-old boy, he loves that app. lol.
It took a lot of persuasion, from me & my mum, but my father finally caved in; we ended his contract a couple of months early, paid an exit fee, then used my sim card for the iPhone, so I've still got the same number, just my father has the more expensive plan. =o (His is a $39 cap + $14 for the iPhone per month, mine is a $29 cap + $8 of 500MB internet/data use per month.) My mum argued that seeing as I'm up all hours, & am at home, don't cost much (you know, I don't go out, so no expensive shoes, dresses, concert tickets, whatever) it'd be a great thing to occupy me. Plus I deserve it. =p And a lot of my friends have them. When it was first released, my contract had expired, but my father said it was too expensive to get. (It was, it was probably a $69 cap per month + $$ for the iPhone!) So now it's cheaper, I have less to think about, like if I forget my iPod, I have my iPhone, & I don't have to constantly restart my phone to get access to internet at 3am. It can access the home wi-fi. =D I can't wait to find out all the features & apps I can get!!
Maths...
I had tutoring at 9.30am today, last night I went on a Starlight escape to a comedian's show, & I didn't get to sleep until about 1.40am, woke at 6am, & didn't sleep again. So I went on Twitter, complained. (As always! =p) Then after a few hours I got up, took my meds, had a shower, had breakfast & got ready. I went pretty well; we've nearly finished week 7, so I'm up to date in that sense, but as for the SEND tasks, I'm up to... Week 5, which I've just started. My SAC should arrive on Monday, & I have all week to do it, (well, I only have 50mins for it, but I can do it any day, or over a few days) & tutoring is on the weekend, when we'll start on week 8. I just hope I can catch up to week 7 before next weekend. I did ring my teacher. (Well, my mum rang my teacher, who called me.) She said I can do half the SEND tasks if I want, use my calculator, & skip the analysis questions, unless I think I can do them quickly. I just need to send in enough work from each week to show that I grasp the concepts. I really do wish my work hadn't been so late. It's not like I need any more stress!
Doctor Who
The Easter episode of Doctor Who is airing on iView (on the ABC's site) on the 16/04, & it's on tv on the 18/04!! I'm really interested. I want to see what sort of a Doctor Matt Smith will be, & I'm willing to give him a decent chance. But David Tennant will always be my Doctor! I've heard he's quite quirky, which sounds good. A Doctor like Christopher Eccleston's takes a lot of adjustment. But he could be funny, at times, which I liked.
I downloaded a whole lot of awesome desktops/backgrounds/wallpapers the other night; all of the 10th Doctor. I picked the ones that look amazing, or mean something to me, because of the image or the quote. They've got great imagery with quotes & all sorts of things! It's amazing how much great stuff is on Google images. Other wallpapers are just awesome because it's the 10th Doctor. =p
Pain...
I'm in more pain, my back is pretty bad today because I haven't slept enough, haven't spent any time lying down since 8.30am, & have done a lot today. I went to one store nearby to get the protective screen cover & case for my iPhone, then went to the big shopping centre to get the iPhone. The main store had sold out (within 2hrs of me phoning) but the kiosk on the next level had some, so that was good. It was a lot of walking, though. Improving my posture hasn't improved my pain yet; it's still getting worse, & it's migrating. It used to always be severe lower back pain that radiated up my spine, now it can be in the middle of my spine or even in my neck. Or just my whole back & spine. It's really hard to cope with. Also, I had blurred vision the other night, which scared me, because it hasn't happened since I was on the Gabapentin. It went away eventually, & I still managed to do some maths hw, which was good. =)
Hello?
I don't know if anyone reads this anymore, because I'm not getting any comments... Seriously, I don't mind whether it's a recommendation for apps, how to layout my blog, or your experiences with ME/CFS; anything positive/constructive, really. I'm happy to hear it! I hope I am reaching someone, rather than just blogging for no reason.
I got an iPhone today!! I'm so excited!!! It's a black, 32GB iPhone. It's awesome, but I only spent about 10mins using it; then I put a protective screen cover on it, & you're supposed to wait 12hrs before you turn it on. I put it on at 2.50pm. It's now 4.30pm, so I may just wait 6hrs. That way I can load some apps on to it tonight! One of my friends recommended Echofon for a Twitter app, & suggested I get a Facebook app. Any other suggestions for games/apps I should get? My brother loves something called "Doodle jump" ... Or something. Don't quote me on that. There's also a horrific app where you can kill a cartoon bunny. As a 13-year-old boy, he loves that app. lol.
It took a lot of persuasion, from me & my mum, but my father finally caved in; we ended his contract a couple of months early, paid an exit fee, then used my sim card for the iPhone, so I've still got the same number, just my father has the more expensive plan. =o (His is a $39 cap + $14 for the iPhone per month, mine is a $29 cap + $8 of 500MB internet/data use per month.) My mum argued that seeing as I'm up all hours, & am at home, don't cost much (you know, I don't go out, so no expensive shoes, dresses, concert tickets, whatever) it'd be a great thing to occupy me. Plus I deserve it. =p And a lot of my friends have them. When it was first released, my contract had expired, but my father said it was too expensive to get. (It was, it was probably a $69 cap per month + $$ for the iPhone!) So now it's cheaper, I have less to think about, like if I forget my iPod, I have my iPhone, & I don't have to constantly restart my phone to get access to internet at 3am. It can access the home wi-fi. =D I can't wait to find out all the features & apps I can get!!
Maths...
I had tutoring at 9.30am today, last night I went on a Starlight escape to a comedian's show, & I didn't get to sleep until about 1.40am, woke at 6am, & didn't sleep again. So I went on Twitter, complained. (As always! =p) Then after a few hours I got up, took my meds, had a shower, had breakfast & got ready. I went pretty well; we've nearly finished week 7, so I'm up to date in that sense, but as for the SEND tasks, I'm up to... Week 5, which I've just started. My SAC should arrive on Monday, & I have all week to do it, (well, I only have 50mins for it, but I can do it any day, or over a few days) & tutoring is on the weekend, when we'll start on week 8. I just hope I can catch up to week 7 before next weekend. I did ring my teacher. (Well, my mum rang my teacher, who called me.) She said I can do half the SEND tasks if I want, use my calculator, & skip the analysis questions, unless I think I can do them quickly. I just need to send in enough work from each week to show that I grasp the concepts. I really do wish my work hadn't been so late. It's not like I need any more stress!
Doctor Who
The Easter episode of Doctor Who is airing on iView (on the ABC's site) on the 16/04, & it's on tv on the 18/04!! I'm really interested. I want to see what sort of a Doctor Matt Smith will be, & I'm willing to give him a decent chance. But David Tennant will always be my Doctor! I've heard he's quite quirky, which sounds good. A Doctor like Christopher Eccleston's takes a lot of adjustment. But he could be funny, at times, which I liked.
I downloaded a whole lot of awesome desktops/backgrounds/wallpapers the other night; all of the 10th Doctor. I picked the ones that look amazing, or mean something to me, because of the image or the quote. They've got great imagery with quotes & all sorts of things! It's amazing how much great stuff is on Google images. Other wallpapers are just awesome because it's the 10th Doctor. =p
Pain...
I'm in more pain, my back is pretty bad today because I haven't slept enough, haven't spent any time lying down since 8.30am, & have done a lot today. I went to one store nearby to get the protective screen cover & case for my iPhone, then went to the big shopping centre to get the iPhone. The main store had sold out (within 2hrs of me phoning) but the kiosk on the next level had some, so that was good. It was a lot of walking, though. Improving my posture hasn't improved my pain yet; it's still getting worse, & it's migrating. It used to always be severe lower back pain that radiated up my spine, now it can be in the middle of my spine or even in my neck. Or just my whole back & spine. It's really hard to cope with. Also, I had blurred vision the other night, which scared me, because it hasn't happened since I was on the Gabapentin. It went away eventually, & I still managed to do some maths hw, which was good. =)
Hello?
I don't know if anyone reads this anymore, because I'm not getting any comments... Seriously, I don't mind whether it's a recommendation for apps, how to layout my blog, or your experiences with ME/CFS; anything positive/constructive, really. I'm happy to hear it! I hope I am reaching someone, rather than just blogging for no reason.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Busy & stressed!
My past week:
On the 27/03 & 28/03 I had two hours of Maths tutoring each day to catch up; I'd missed the previous week's session because I went to see a movie with a friend, & it was my birthday that weekend. One of the worst ever. So it took me a while to recover from that. (In fact, I'm not sure I have recovered yet.)
On the 30/03 I had a dentist's appointment, which was exhausting & I also got my iPod fixed & looked at Sportsgirl.
Then on the 31/03 I had my first personal training session at the gym, which went well, but I was incredibly exhausted as my younger brother had a friend & the friend's younger brother at our place all day.
The next day (01/04) I had a hair cut/colour & it took a few hours, but it was nice to get out of the house & do something that didn't involve ME/CFS for once. Then I noticed a sale at Cotton On & the Bonds outlet, so I bought a loose top that matches my pajamas for $5 from Cotton On, a jacket & long sleeve t-shirt from the Bonds outlet. Then I was exhausted.
On Sunday (04/03) I went to the footy after an awful weekend, thanks to my father. I had a good time with my half-brother from Germany, his girlfriend & my family. (Excluding my father.) After the footy match we went to the Hilton to have a coffee & some snacks, then caught a taxi home.
My further exhaustion & feelings of being overwhelmed:
I got back at about 9.50pm last night, & had to shower & wash, dry, straighten my hair & do my Methods hw which I'd been too busy or wiped out to do all week. I've finally got all of week 1 ready to send in, & all of week 2 except for 1 question. Just 5 more weeks of work to be completed by the 11/04 & I'm set. Then I have a SAC the first week of term, but I'm allowed to take rest breaks, etc. plus my mum is supervising me. So that should quell some of my nerves/panic attacks/anxiety about exams/tests/SACs. I hope.
Sleep: (or lack thereof)
It's 4am & I haven't slept yet. My body is keeping me awake, despite the fact I've taken my meds, because it knows I have tutoring at 1pm, & my body thinks I'll oversleep. It's stupid. I need sleep for tutoring, so my body ensures I don't sleep before tutoring. It's torture & a waste of my valuable meds! I'm going to go insane from lack of sleep. I either get to sleep by 4am & wake every 10mins or get to sleep by 8am & wake every 30mins. Both are exhausting, both cannot be classified as sleep, & no one can help me. I'm on my own here. I've tried everything & nothing helps. Exercise seems to make it worse, stress obviously does & I'm stressed out of my mind.
So busy & so desperate to sleep:
I need to get to sleep!!! My half-brother from Germany & his girlfriend are coming over after tutoring for an early dinner & also so they can tell us about their trip through central Australia. I must study, I must pass, I must get a good mark, & I must return to school next year. The isolation is awful & so is being stuck at home. I just want the energy & ability to escape for a few days. I'm not coping anymore.
Expect another post soon, unless I get too sick to use my laptop again!
On the 27/03 & 28/03 I had two hours of Maths tutoring each day to catch up; I'd missed the previous week's session because I went to see a movie with a friend, & it was my birthday that weekend. One of the worst ever. So it took me a while to recover from that. (In fact, I'm not sure I have recovered yet.)
On the 30/03 I had a dentist's appointment, which was exhausting & I also got my iPod fixed & looked at Sportsgirl.
Then on the 31/03 I had my first personal training session at the gym, which went well, but I was incredibly exhausted as my younger brother had a friend & the friend's younger brother at our place all day.
The next day (01/04) I had a hair cut/colour & it took a few hours, but it was nice to get out of the house & do something that didn't involve ME/CFS for once. Then I noticed a sale at Cotton On & the Bonds outlet, so I bought a loose top that matches my pajamas for $5 from Cotton On, a jacket & long sleeve t-shirt from the Bonds outlet. Then I was exhausted.
On Sunday (04/03) I went to the footy after an awful weekend, thanks to my father. I had a good time with my half-brother from Germany, his girlfriend & my family. (Excluding my father.) After the footy match we went to the Hilton to have a coffee & some snacks, then caught a taxi home.
My further exhaustion & feelings of being overwhelmed:
I got back at about 9.50pm last night, & had to shower & wash, dry, straighten my hair & do my Methods hw which I'd been too busy or wiped out to do all week. I've finally got all of week 1 ready to send in, & all of week 2 except for 1 question. Just 5 more weeks of work to be completed by the 11/04 & I'm set. Then I have a SAC the first week of term, but I'm allowed to take rest breaks, etc. plus my mum is supervising me. So that should quell some of my nerves/panic attacks/anxiety about exams/tests/SACs. I hope.
Sleep: (or lack thereof)
It's 4am & I haven't slept yet. My body is keeping me awake, despite the fact I've taken my meds, because it knows I have tutoring at 1pm, & my body thinks I'll oversleep. It's stupid. I need sleep for tutoring, so my body ensures I don't sleep before tutoring. It's torture & a waste of my valuable meds! I'm going to go insane from lack of sleep. I either get to sleep by 4am & wake every 10mins or get to sleep by 8am & wake every 30mins. Both are exhausting, both cannot be classified as sleep, & no one can help me. I'm on my own here. I've tried everything & nothing helps. Exercise seems to make it worse, stress obviously does & I'm stressed out of my mind.
So busy & so desperate to sleep:
I need to get to sleep!!! My half-brother from Germany & his girlfriend are coming over after tutoring for an early dinner & also so they can tell us about their trip through central Australia. I must study, I must pass, I must get a good mark, & I must return to school next year. The isolation is awful & so is being stuck at home. I just want the energy & ability to escape for a few days. I'm not coping anymore.
Expect another post soon, unless I get too sick to use my laptop again!
Monday, March 1, 2010
I fail at Maths.
Maths homework...
I tried to do my Methods homework during the week, but the two nights I was able to do so, my younger brother had homework. He took 4 hours to do it. It's his first year of high school, so he's not used to homework, being assigned books, having a diary/planner, etc. So I had to do nearly all of it on Saturday. I did most of it, but ran into trouble with a few questions. I misread one question to do with polynomials, and expanded it, instead of giving the number of terms in the equation or something. So that's a fail. Then, I spent HOURS doing another binomial expansion question (it actually needed expanding) only to find I had the wrong answer. So I showed my tutor yesterday, she looked at the answer for a minute, & went: "They wrote it the opposite way! See, we'll go through it, I bet you got it right!" I did. I just fail for not checking how my textbook decides to write solutions.
Maths tutoring...
So yesterday we covered 1.2 (Systems of linear equations) & began 1.3 (Algebra of exponential & logarithmic functions) in my textbook. Systems of linear equations in two unknowns, parallel & coincident lines, simultaneous linear equtions in more than two unknowns, matrix representation of systems of linear equations, inconsistent systems & laws of logarithms & changing the base of logarithms. (The last two were from 1.3) I found it harder than last week, but my tutor thinks I'm still doing well, it's just that I always assume I'm wrong with my working out or answers, so I waste more time, & get anxious, too. I'm a perfectionist, which isn't good when Maths isn't your strong suit. I think my brain took most of it in. I really hope it did; I just know that I was wiped out & so was my tutor after 2.5 hours of Methods! I have quite a lot of homework again, plus some extra in case I "get bored." I'm not sure that I'll become bored enough to do that homework! =P I plan to copy out the notes & examples into my new exercise book on Tuesday, as per last week. Hopefully I can make a start on the homework, then, too.
New clothes...
So I'm planning to go & get a new pair of jeans & some t-shirts tomorrow. It hinges on whether I sleep well, & my pain levels when I get up at 11am... ish. I realised that a lot of my t-shirts were black/worn, & I've had nearly all of them for 2+ years! (Except for the 3 I bought at the Bonds outlet.) My jeans are two years old, & they are wearing thin, so it's best to get another pair before my jeans actually wear out! Plus I like buying things, it doesn't matter how small. It could be some nice pens, or a hat, anything, really, because it gets me out of the house & takes my mind off my disability.
Finally...
I guess that's about it. Not much happens in my life, apart from study. I tried to watch the new episode of Skins, but can't get it to play past 43mins, the episode is 46mins long. I'm hoping I haven't missed much. I figure I can catch up next week! I'm getting consistently worse, so my mum will try to make an "emergency" appointment with my specialist. We have a lot to discuss. I'm worried about my brain, & how it will function if I improve or ever recover. How does it recover from years & years of sleep deprivation? I know my memory is getting worse; I can have my house keys in my hand, but not remember what they're called, or what they do when I'm having a really bad day. Or else my eyes ache, I feel like I've got the flu, & my spine has excruciating pain radiating outwards, & upwards unless I lie down in bed or sleep. No painkiller will dull the pain enough for me to function. I just have to get myself together, get referrals, & sort some of this crap out. Anyway, that's about it from me, I'm going to try & sleep now!
I tried to do my Methods homework during the week, but the two nights I was able to do so, my younger brother had homework. He took 4 hours to do it. It's his first year of high school, so he's not used to homework, being assigned books, having a diary/planner, etc. So I had to do nearly all of it on Saturday. I did most of it, but ran into trouble with a few questions. I misread one question to do with polynomials, and expanded it, instead of giving the number of terms in the equation or something. So that's a fail. Then, I spent HOURS doing another binomial expansion question (it actually needed expanding) only to find I had the wrong answer. So I showed my tutor yesterday, she looked at the answer for a minute, & went: "They wrote it the opposite way! See, we'll go through it, I bet you got it right!" I did. I just fail for not checking how my textbook decides to write solutions.
Maths tutoring...
So yesterday we covered 1.2 (Systems of linear equations) & began 1.3 (Algebra of exponential & logarithmic functions) in my textbook. Systems of linear equations in two unknowns, parallel & coincident lines, simultaneous linear equtions in more than two unknowns, matrix representation of systems of linear equations, inconsistent systems & laws of logarithms & changing the base of logarithms. (The last two were from 1.3) I found it harder than last week, but my tutor thinks I'm still doing well, it's just that I always assume I'm wrong with my working out or answers, so I waste more time, & get anxious, too. I'm a perfectionist, which isn't good when Maths isn't your strong suit. I think my brain took most of it in. I really hope it did; I just know that I was wiped out & so was my tutor after 2.5 hours of Methods! I have quite a lot of homework again, plus some extra in case I "get bored." I'm not sure that I'll become bored enough to do that homework! =P I plan to copy out the notes & examples into my new exercise book on Tuesday, as per last week. Hopefully I can make a start on the homework, then, too.
New clothes...
So I'm planning to go & get a new pair of jeans & some t-shirts tomorrow. It hinges on whether I sleep well, & my pain levels when I get up at 11am... ish. I realised that a lot of my t-shirts were black/worn, & I've had nearly all of them for 2+ years! (Except for the 3 I bought at the Bonds outlet.) My jeans are two years old, & they are wearing thin, so it's best to get another pair before my jeans actually wear out! Plus I like buying things, it doesn't matter how small. It could be some nice pens, or a hat, anything, really, because it gets me out of the house & takes my mind off my disability.
Finally...
I guess that's about it. Not much happens in my life, apart from study. I tried to watch the new episode of Skins, but can't get it to play past 43mins, the episode is 46mins long. I'm hoping I haven't missed much. I figure I can catch up next week! I'm getting consistently worse, so my mum will try to make an "emergency" appointment with my specialist. We have a lot to discuss. I'm worried about my brain, & how it will function if I improve or ever recover. How does it recover from years & years of sleep deprivation? I know my memory is getting worse; I can have my house keys in my hand, but not remember what they're called, or what they do when I'm having a really bad day. Or else my eyes ache, I feel like I've got the flu, & my spine has excruciating pain radiating outwards, & upwards unless I lie down in bed or sleep. No painkiller will dull the pain enough for me to function. I just have to get myself together, get referrals, & sort some of this crap out. Anyway, that's about it from me, I'm going to try & sleep now!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Time to stress!
Yep, it's officially time to stress. Distance ed is starting really soon. So is maths tutoring. And my mum and I are in the middle of filling out the distance education enrolment forms. Just got to figure out how to phrase my reasons for choosing distance ed. Obviously disability, but I need to convey the severity.
I've got my textbooks, folders, exercise books and necessary stationery. It's all labelled, too! (I must remember to buy spare batteries for my calculator...) Also arranged tutoring for the soonest date I could - 21/02; this Sunday is Chinese New Year, so the following one is best for my tutor. It's at 11am, but thankfully at home, not at the uni. I'd die if I had to get up at 10am, eat, dress, pack my books/meds/money AND get to the uni! So I guess I can get up at around 10.30, have something that won't induce severe nausea, but will keep me going for 2.5hrs, and get dressed. I hope it won't be hot, though. The uni has better a/c than my house.
I really miss school. Getting up a few days a week, putting on my uniform, and seeing kids. I know I'm too sick for it, but I still feel envious and upset when I see kids (even my brother) coming home from school, or leaving in the mornings.... I'm back to doing a bit of weight-bearing exercise, because I'll need stronger arms to carry my bag to school next year, and my books/laptop to classes. I'm thinking about seeing a personal trainer again, to get out of the house, have some structure, and hopefully improve my level of tolerance for activity and exercise related pain.
It's summery weather again, there were two days where it was less than 25*c, but now it's going to be 31*c+ for most of the week. Today is 35*c, I think. My sleep is totally screwed. I slept from 2am-5am, then got 20mins rest/sleep between 6am and 7.30am. I stayed up until nearly 10am, and had breakfast, then went back to bed, and managed to sleep again. 11am-1pm. If someone could just treat my sleep, they'd be treating my pain, nausea, and so many of my other symptoms. Right now I'm not coping with this amount of sleep. I can barely listen to music anymore, I can't go on Facebook chat, and watching DVDs is about all I can do. Interrupted sleep is killing me. I'd rather 4hrs' straight sleep a night than 8hrs' waking every 15mins.
I hope I meet new friends next year, and I really hope I can get out of the house enough this year. I've never liked shopping, but even buying CDs, or looking at sales is infinitely better than being house-bound. I guess it's back to watching Skins now. I'm in the middle of series 3. =)
I've got my textbooks, folders, exercise books and necessary stationery. It's all labelled, too! (I must remember to buy spare batteries for my calculator...) Also arranged tutoring for the soonest date I could - 21/02; this Sunday is Chinese New Year, so the following one is best for my tutor. It's at 11am, but thankfully at home, not at the uni. I'd die if I had to get up at 10am, eat, dress, pack my books/meds/money AND get to the uni! So I guess I can get up at around 10.30, have something that won't induce severe nausea, but will keep me going for 2.5hrs, and get dressed. I hope it won't be hot, though. The uni has better a/c than my house.
I really miss school. Getting up a few days a week, putting on my uniform, and seeing kids. I know I'm too sick for it, but I still feel envious and upset when I see kids (even my brother) coming home from school, or leaving in the mornings.... I'm back to doing a bit of weight-bearing exercise, because I'll need stronger arms to carry my bag to school next year, and my books/laptop to classes. I'm thinking about seeing a personal trainer again, to get out of the house, have some structure, and hopefully improve my level of tolerance for activity and exercise related pain.
It's summery weather again, there were two days where it was less than 25*c, but now it's going to be 31*c+ for most of the week. Today is 35*c, I think. My sleep is totally screwed. I slept from 2am-5am, then got 20mins rest/sleep between 6am and 7.30am. I stayed up until nearly 10am, and had breakfast, then went back to bed, and managed to sleep again. 11am-1pm. If someone could just treat my sleep, they'd be treating my pain, nausea, and so many of my other symptoms. Right now I'm not coping with this amount of sleep. I can barely listen to music anymore, I can't go on Facebook chat, and watching DVDs is about all I can do. Interrupted sleep is killing me. I'd rather 4hrs' straight sleep a night than 8hrs' waking every 15mins.
I hope I meet new friends next year, and I really hope I can get out of the house enough this year. I've never liked shopping, but even buying CDs, or looking at sales is infinitely better than being house-bound. I guess it's back to watching Skins now. I'm in the middle of series 3. =)
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