Music

Music
I've been listening to my iPod a lot lately, especially when I'm in too much pain to read/write/use my laptop, etc. I've been listening to Franz Ferdinand, and watching some music videos. Franz Ferdinand have really interesting and creative music videos, and I love watching Joy Division's music video for 'Love Will Tear Us Apart', followed by New Order's cover, recorded live in Glasgow. It's amazing to see the same three people age so suddenly, from 1980 to 2005 or something.

Joy Division. (L-R: Stephen Morris, Ian Curtis, Bernard Sumner, Peter Hook)

New Order. (L-R: Peter Hook, Stephen Morris, Bernard Sumner)

 I've been watching Brandon Flowers' new music video, 'Crossfire', the new single from his upcoming solo album 'Flamingo.'

The album cover for 'Flamingo'

Brandon Flowers.

And, really, you can't go past Oasis. I love to watch interviews. There's one off the DVD from 'Stop The Clocks', a best of, and I chose German subtitles. I learned many swear words the first time I saw it. It is helpful for grammar, though. There's also 'Gold & Silver & Sunshine', which is basically the making of their final album 'Dig Out Your Soul'... I like it because it's not just the Gallagher brothers, but the whole band get interviewed. This was also on a bonus DVD that came with the CD.

The album cover for 'Dig Out Your Soul'

Oasis. (L-R: Andy Bell, Liam Gallagher, Gem Archer, Noel Gallagher)

Pain
I've been on the Lyrica for a while now, and it obviously isn't helping. It's actually causing headaches some days, plus the dizziness, disorientation, weakness and weird appetite. (I can't eat for 20hrs sometimes because I'm not hungry or I feel sick, then suddenly I'm starving, and eat a whole bowl of curry and rice and a few muesli bars!)

My new specialist is sending out a script for real painkillers on Monday. He also said I'm not to do my homework after tutoring, because 2.5-3hrs of study is too much for me at the moment. I'd be doing my homework now, except I've been awake since 7.20am and only got a maximum of 6hrs broken sleep, and my younger brother has a friend over. And I've got a headache that just won't go away. It's not as bad as the one I had for a whole week during that virus, but I think that studying will make it worse.

My back was really sore after tutoring yesterday, which went for about 3hrs. We covered more probability. Honestly, that topic goes on forever! I find probability quite hard, but it's not as bad as trigonometry. I was so exhausted last week that I forgot to send my homework in! I still have to put it in an envelope and address it. I'm so sick of distance education, it's a real pain having to do this much study and send off the work every week.

My favourite bands (listening to their music, or looking through pictures, going through their albums) always cheer me up.

The Killers. (L-R: Mark Stoermer, Ronnie
Vannucci, Dave Keuning, Brandon Flowers)

Franz Ferdinand. (L-R: Nicholas McCarthy,
Paul Thomson, Alex Kapranos, Bob Hardy)

Thanks for commenting on my 'Fibromyalgia' post, it was great getting all that feedback! I'd love to know: what have you been listening to? What helps you cope with pain and/or lack of sleep? And what cheers you up?

Alex. xoxo

Shopping and results!

Shopping:
I went shopping on Monday, but have been recovering until now, (Friday) otherwise I would have posted earlier! I found a bag, some shoes, and got my blazer altered at the tailor's. The bag is black, and the main section has a zip compartment which is ideal for my medications, and in the main section I'll carry my usual things: wallet, water bottle, pension card/library card, (they're the closest thing to an ID I own!) keys, etc. On the front there's another zip compartment, but much larger, and I'll use that for my iPod, iPhone, and anything else I need frequent or quick access to. Perhaps Ondansetron should be kept there, too! On the back of the bag there's a small zip section which is ideal for papaw ointment, lip gloss and a small mirror. Here's a picture, what do you think of the bag?

The shoes I got were from the Converse outlet, and one pair is black and sparkly, fastened at the side by velcro/press studs and sort of look like slouch boots. They don't have laces, so they're a bit more formal than normal Chucks. Do you like my shoes? I won't be wearing the tops turned down at my reunion, but they're still cool! 

The second pair I got are just normal low-tops, except they're pink and glittery, with identical laces. I don't normally like pink, but these were so bright and shiny (I sound like Gollum!) that I couldn't resist. Oh, and the laces are sort of elastic-y. Are they too pink and shiny, or do you like them? Let me know, leave a comment!

I also bought Franz Ferdinand CDs: 'Franz Ferdinand', 'You Could Have It So Much Better', 'Tonight: Franz Ferdinand' and 'Blood: Franz Ferdinand'. The only one I didn't own a digital copy of (from iTunes) was 'Blood: Franz Ferdinand'. I've since listened to it, and I like it, but not as much as the other albums. I don't always like remixes. But since I've really got into Franz Ferdinand, I had to own a copy of all their albums, and actual CDs at that. Same with Oasis and The Killers. I can't wait for Franz Ferdinand's next album, and I really hope they tour here, at a disabled-friendly venue. (ie. Not a festival, an arena with seating, and music that a friend likes so I can access the disabled seating.) With The Killers on hiatus, I needed a band to fill the musical void in my heart! Here are the CDs I bought; sorry the picture is sideways. I take all pics with my iPhone now. Do you like Franz Ferdinand, too? What sort of music are you into? What music would you recommend for me?

I just needed the sleeves on my blazer shortened as they were too long, but otherwise it fits me really well. It will be ready to pick up on Tuesday. Hopefully it turns out fine; I've never really owned a "good" jacket or had to have anything altered besides jeans. I'll post pics of my outfit as soon as I have it all together. I have a really nice necklace to wear, as well. I welcome opinions!

Maths results!

My mum rang my teacher the other day because I was having a mini-meltdown over my results, which I STILL hadn't received. I got an A on my calculus assignment (that really long one that took a fortnight) and a B on my test/assignment which was on calculus and trigonometry, plus a few other things. When I got my results in the mail, I got a fright, because of the way things are classified, my marks fall as a 'High' (B+ or B) and a 'Medium' (C+ or C.) My teacher worked out the percentages, though, and I got a low A, which falls into the 'High' category with the sorting, and for the second assignment I got a high B, which falls into the 'Medium' category with the sorting. So far this year on my assignments I've received: A+, A, B. My next assignment is in the last week of June, and I think it's another long one, but I only get a week to complete it. I really hope I do alright.

I have to maintain a high average for my classwork, because I usually do badly on my exams. I panic, and then have a mind blank. This only started after I missed a year of school and was house-bound that year. My doctors think I developed a lot of new fears that year. When I got back to school I was terrified of speaking in class, or even talking to people. I'd also developed mild agoraphobia. I hated leaving the house, and would have a panic attack every morning before school. I still panic before any kind of public speaking, whether it's debating, a speech in front of the school, or just my English class. And I'm really panicky during it. I thought debating would help me face my new fear of public speaking, but it just meant I got to be terrified on a regular basis. So I'm still as scared as ever when it comes to public speaking, but if I feel comfortable in a class, I'll contribute. I'm always told I need to contribute more to class. (Not in German; there was nowhere to hide in a class of four people, including me!)

Another stressor/fear:
I'm stressed that I'll be the same after this year at home, studying by distance: scared of school, scared to speak up, scared of leaving my room. I do go out, but that's different to giving a speech to a class. I wish I could be assessed differently for oral tasks, because they actually mark you on how well you present. So I'm at a disadvantage before I even start the assignment! I just hope that there aren't too many oral presentations, and if there are, that it's group work. Then I don't have to do all the talking. The worst thing is when I get so shaky and start blacking out that I'm not sure if I'll be able to speak... But I always end up talking. Luckily! I really don't think it's fair to assess people on how they present an oral task. A fear of public speaking is very disabling, and if you already have a disability, it's even worse.

Sleep...
I slept well Monday night this week, but I was woken the next night, so since then I've had very broken sleep. Take last night as an example: I went to bed at about 10.50pm, but woke at 1am, 5am, 6am, 7am, 8am, 9am, 10.30am and 11am. I got up at 11.30am, and haven't been back to bed since. It's a pity, because I really need my sleep to recover from all the activity on Monday. I walked so much that day, it was a huge shopping centre! I'm hoping my sleep will right itself again soon, because I will really need rest before my reunion. I hope I can have a good time, because after that, it will be the weekend, then my assignment week. Yay.

I love reading your comments, but I've been missing them lately! Where is everyone?!

Lots of stress, too much study...

First SAC of the year...
My SAC didn't arrive in the mail like it was supposed to. So my teacher tried emailing it. Her attachment kept crashing the iMac. So she sent it in the message body of the email, & left work. At 4.15pm. At 5.02pm the message arrived, but the SAC was riddled with errors - a Yen symbol replaced the infinity symbol throughout the SAC, etc. But when I emailed my teacher, she said that it didn't appear that way on her computer, but that the Yen symbol did mean infinity. So I had several panic attacks & became hysterical. (The idea that I was going to fail & I'd missed basic concepts of maths was overwhelming.)
Then my mum left voicemail messages for the student wellbeing person, the year level co-ordinator, the Principal & my teacher outlining the situation they'd placed me in. Including the fact that THEY sent my work 7 weeks late & expected me to magically do 42 - 56hrs of work over the holidays to catch up. Despite the fact I'd explained my situation & had applied on medical grounds.
So it arrived in the mail the next day, (Thursday afternoon) my teacher apologised, as did the year level co-ordinator & the Principal. The SAC counts for the work from Weeks 5, 6 & 7, & I have an extension until this Thursday! I started it on Friday, & finished it today, after tutoring. I texted my tutor last week with a list of the concepts I was finding really hard (graphs; particularly reflections & dilations, as well as circular functions) so we revised that. Luckily it helped some with the SAC. I think I'll get an okay mark. I don't wanna jinx it, lol.

Maths tutoring...
So I had Maths tutoring yesterday, & it went for 2.5 - 3hrs! After that I worked on my SAC. Then I ate... I ended up starving by the end of it! But with tutoring, we covered all of Week 9 (this week beginning Monday) & it was relatively short. Basically just the "tangent function" & some odd thing where you add intercepts to come up with an in-between graph. F**k knows why you'd want to, but, yeah. I learned that. Also, I hate circular functions, I hate graphs, so the "tangent function" is irritating. It's a graph that's circular functions. I guess I just hate graphs & circular functions because I'm not that good at them!
So after resting today, then sending my work off on Monday, I'll attempt the SEND tasks for Week 9 on Tuesday, maybe. If I don't get sick, & everything goes according to plan, I should be on track until the next SAC. It's on differentiation. (Calculus...) I like it more than graphs, that's for sure!

Sleep...
I've been trying to go to bed between midnight & 1am for the past week or something, but, as you can see, tonight, I ceebz. I'm wide awake, it's almost 2.30am, & there were some really good shows taped on the Foxtel iQ. Plus I wanted to stay up until I wasn't dizzy/feeling sick/had a headache from overdoing it yesterday with all that maths! I've tried reading to make me sleepy; no matter what I read, whether it's tax law, news sites, actual newspapers, novels, Shakespeare, poetry, blogs, medical information I've printed off, medical sites, blogs; anything, it doesn't help me sleep. Sometimes just watching tv or DVDs on my laptop until I'm sleepy works. That's why it's great having all those Skins & The OC DVDs! But I am hoping to get a serious sleep pattern going soon, in anticipation of exams & (hopefully) school & graduation next year. I still want a decent ENTER, but right now, I'll settle for getting back to school!

Goodnight!
Well, it's nearly 2.30am, so I'm going to try & sleep now. I love it when anyone posts a comment, or gives feedback. It's nice to know people out there are actually reading this, & some of you understand. I've since downloaded a lot more apps for my iPhone, so there are heaps of things to keep me occupied when I can't sleep, am bored during the day, or want to multi task... Watch tv & use an iPhone. =p Also, is it just me, or are The Killers mentioned in the song "Boys Boys Boys" by Lady GaGa? I could swear they are. Then again, I have ME/CFS induced brain fog!! Hope anyone who reads this is well... Or as well as possible. =)

My room

So, I'm going to try a sort of new lay-out for my posts...

An introduction: my room...

I spend a lot of time in my room. A lot of time not sleeping, watching DVDs, going on Facebook, Twitter, etc. I'm also a messy person (not my locker, or when it comes to books, organisation, just my room) which annoys the hell out of my mum. So I did a massive room clean up, staged over several weeks. I cleared out my wardrobe. Filled a whole garbage bag of clothes to take to the Salvos, ones that I'd outgrown, never really worn, or just never fitted right. Also, my old school dresses I had been keeping for last year's muck up day. You get all your friends to sign your dress, you keep it forever. Figures I'd be too sick for muck up day!

Posters...
My mum took a Killers poster I got for myself at Christmas, plus a Chris Grant testimonial poster (he's an AFL player) that I've had for... Well, months and months. Since I got my Western Bulldogs jumper last March/April. And The Killers poster is now near my bed, the Chris Grant one is above my desk shelf. They look great, but it meant I had to part with some of the print outs of Oasis and The Killers. When I say some, I mean, it covered half a wall. And I had to get rid of half that amount. I really want an Oasis poster now. Really. That would be epic. But I'm running out of wall space!! I might post pictures sometime, it's a matter of having some energy (or, just not be using next week's energy) getting the camera, taking the pictures, uploading to my laptop and then this blog. So, it may be a while.

Textbooks, and my desk...
My desk is also the neatest it's been since mum cleared it for school last year. (And that lasted for all of a day. I just did my homework and tutoring at the dining room table. You can spread all your stuff out there much more easily.) I've got some of my soft toys lined up, I've organised the drawers, all my stationery, so only functioning items can be found... I don't think I'll be scribbling a pen furiously, in the hopes it'll work, for a long time! I also threw out a lot of my school books that were never going to be sold. Old editions, or folders I'd kept for no particular reason, plus a whole lot of (now) useless notes. Japanese ones from Year 7. Idk why I was keeping those! But it's freed up a lot of space for the huge amount of study materials, books, folders, exercise books, etc. (read: crap) that comes with Year 12. I've kept all my German stuff, though. Right from Year 9. I still plan to study it at uni.

An epic tale - in a new, shiny (precious) hardcover edition:
I also put my new copy of LOTR on my desk. The books, not the movies. (God, I do read!! I have 3 bookshelves in my room, some of them double-stacked with books, and collapsing from the weight!) They're lovely, hardcover editions, divided into the 3 'books', with illustrations by Alan Lee, and they come in a box-cover-thing, and, yes, it cost $135 and I had to order it in especially, but it is SO WORTH IT. My copy (I got it when I was 7) is all-in-one, soft-cover, but with a particularly awesome drawing of Gandalf the Grey on the cover. I'm still keeping that one, for sentimental value. And I'm thinking about getting the same edition of 'The Hobbit' - hardcover, with illustrations, for my birthday. Anyway, these books will last for a long time, and there are just some books that have editions you HAVE to have.

Impulse shopping: some editions are forever...
My mum's copy of 'To Kill A Mockingbird' is so cute. It's a Penguin, and the cover is in 3 colours, made to look like it's a child's writing, done in crayon. And there's a dead mockingbird on the cover (you know, lying on it's back) plus a list of the accolades the book's won. It is lovely, and it's not hardcover, so it will fall apart one day. But I'm always looking at 'To Kill A Mockingbird' in bookstores, in the hopes I'll find one like it. Now, the 'Tomorrow' series, by John Marsden. I bought every book as soon as it was released. And I started doing that when I was 9. Being 9, I didn't have a lot of money, or the foresight to buy hardcover. So I'm hoping for a boxset, because there's, like, 7 books, plus a 3 book follow-on series. Although the last 4 I have ARE hardcover, because that's all they were selling. Irritating.

Longing for stability...
I'm going to the gym today, (well, it's early morning, I'm not going until afternoon) I'm starting to see a personal trainer again. Starting at basics, obviously, I hope to build up enough strength to be able to (easily) carry my schoolbag, books & laptop next year, climb the ridiculous amount of stairs at school to get to classes, sign in, or go the library, and maybe be library captain again. Plus be able to study and do well in my subjects. Never mind celebrating my 20th birthday (I'll be old!) or going to the movies, just basic things like that. Things I used to manage in Year 11. But stability is one thing you can never have with this illness, and at some point, I need to realise that. I'm still feeling really achey, exhausted and sick. The 'flu-like' symptoms are getting worse, and I don't like it one bit! Plus my insomnia is here to keep me company, as always. I hope I can start to improve. Because I'm scared of what will happen if I get any worse.

Okay, so let me know what you think of the titles, and any ideas you've got for layout or readability. =)