Our garden

Our garden:

We had some landscaping work done a while ago, those of you who follow me on Twitter will remember my complaints about the noise! Well, here are some of the results:

New garden bed, with lots of plants & flowers

The only foxglove in bloom & some other plants.

I got to choose the colours for the flowers in the garden bed pictured above and to the left. I wanted colours like white, yellow, blue, purple and pink. I don't think there were any blues, but the foxgloves are white, (I presume; the one in bloom is) and I think there are some yellows, pinks and purples, too. It'll be a surprise when all of them bloom! I must post pictures then. =D

The new decking is great, it's a lot longer than our previous one, and to the side it has wide bits of decking that are like steps, yet are big enough to sit on. Mishka had a lot of fun running up and down them, although she is a bit sad that she can't access her hiding places under the house. (The side decking steps blocked off the little entrance she uses.)

We also had some turf laid, as the grass we had was in a very sorry state due to the long drought. This year is on the way to becoming the wettest year in a long time, which explains my increased level of pain. I think this winter is much colder than last year's; I am certain our heating bills have increased exponentially!

Some of the new decking & another garden bed, with plants.

I'm really looking forward to spending some time outside, on the decking in spring or summer. I might even study on the outside dining setting! I do need to spend some time in the sun, and I plan to, as soon as I adjust to having to be up and awake during the day, and as soon as my medications work properly, and definitely when it's warmer. But the garden looks great, and I think it will cheer me up. The landscapers chose plants that don't aggravate allergies, and I haven't had any allergy flare ups in the past two days or so. *Touches wood*

Study and exams:

My TI-89 Titanium calculator.

My exams are in November, and I've a maths analysis assignment soon. This is Week 9, and I'm studying more probability. (I've got a bit of the set homework left, I'll attempt another question ASAP.) Some of it is difficult, while other parts are just a matter of following steps, or applying formulas/using a graphics calculator. Week 10 is probability again. For something different, in Week 11 I start exam revision. I have to complete a practice exam each week, and mail it. Week 12 is the probability analysis assignment. I find probability, trig and graphs to be the most difficult topics.

The page of homework for Week 9

I really need to start making some cheatsheets; I have some from Year 10 and Year 11, but because the subject has changed since then, I think I'll make lists of everything I need for each subject, step by step instructions, formulas, how to use my graphics calculator, and more. I'll also highlight different sections, and colour code them. I then have to make this into a "bound reference" for my long exam, but I'm not allowed to used sticky tabs or anything to mark chapters/sections, so I'll need to work out a system.

Mum is making sure my teacher comes out soon, so I can go over things I don't understand, ask for past exams, exam techniques, how to put together and make the best of a bound reference. (I've never used or made one before, only double sided A4 cheatsheets for tests.) I hope to maintain a B or B+ average, so that will give me a bit of leeway in my exams. I tend to do badly under pressure and time constraints, so my marks always decrease in exams. It's a pity, but I really only need a pass mark for maths to get into Accounting, although a higher mark would be much better and definitely preferable!

My calculus cheatsheet from Year 11

Mishka:

Mishka sitting on my bed

I got Mishka after a hospitalisation in 2005, the year I had off school, because the social workers and nurses suggested I get a cat or a pet of some sort to keep me company at home. Mishka was really in a bad way when we got her; she'd just had kittens, even though she was only 6mths old herself, so her fur was patchy, and she was very thin. I carried her around the house for the first month, so she's a bit spoilt!

Mishka has been great company, and it's nice to have her with me, even if she's asleep while she's sitting with me on my bed, or on my lap, purring or dozing as I watch tv. She's been very healthy, which is great, because I'd be devastated if Mishka got sick. I have a hard time taking care of her, so unless I'm awake at 5am or 6am, Mum will let Mishka outside, and put her food bowl out. I try to bring her in each night, but she doesn't like to come indoors anymore, so I've taken to bringing her food bowl indoors at midday or 1pm, and then Mishka has to come inside sometime, as she'll get hungry, eventually. We don't have a catflap, and if I leave her food out for too long, all the neighbourhood cats come and eat it.

Mishka is timid, scared of strangers, loud noises, and sudden movements. But she's very sweet and cuddly. I love that it's so easy to make Mishka happy; I just have to feed her and pat her, and make sure she's got somewhere comfortable to nap. I wish everyone were that easy to please. Mishka likes hiding in small spaces, and it's adorable to see little white socks poking out from under a bed!

That's all for today, I hope you liked the post. I might write one about my first time voting at the federal election when I feel a bit better. I've been up since 9am today, and only got about 5hrs broken sleep, so I don't feel well. I might write a health update soon, too. Alex. xoxo

Shopping and results!

Shopping:
I went shopping on Monday, but have been recovering until now, (Friday) otherwise I would have posted earlier! I found a bag, some shoes, and got my blazer altered at the tailor's. The bag is black, and the main section has a zip compartment which is ideal for my medications, and in the main section I'll carry my usual things: wallet, water bottle, pension card/library card, (they're the closest thing to an ID I own!) keys, etc. On the front there's another zip compartment, but much larger, and I'll use that for my iPod, iPhone, and anything else I need frequent or quick access to. Perhaps Ondansetron should be kept there, too! On the back of the bag there's a small zip section which is ideal for papaw ointment, lip gloss and a small mirror. Here's a picture, what do you think of the bag?

The shoes I got were from the Converse outlet, and one pair is black and sparkly, fastened at the side by velcro/press studs and sort of look like slouch boots. They don't have laces, so they're a bit more formal than normal Chucks. Do you like my shoes? I won't be wearing the tops turned down at my reunion, but they're still cool! 

The second pair I got are just normal low-tops, except they're pink and glittery, with identical laces. I don't normally like pink, but these were so bright and shiny (I sound like Gollum!) that I couldn't resist. Oh, and the laces are sort of elastic-y. Are they too pink and shiny, or do you like them? Let me know, leave a comment!

I also bought Franz Ferdinand CDs: 'Franz Ferdinand', 'You Could Have It So Much Better', 'Tonight: Franz Ferdinand' and 'Blood: Franz Ferdinand'. The only one I didn't own a digital copy of (from iTunes) was 'Blood: Franz Ferdinand'. I've since listened to it, and I like it, but not as much as the other albums. I don't always like remixes. But since I've really got into Franz Ferdinand, I had to own a copy of all their albums, and actual CDs at that. Same with Oasis and The Killers. I can't wait for Franz Ferdinand's next album, and I really hope they tour here, at a disabled-friendly venue. (ie. Not a festival, an arena with seating, and music that a friend likes so I can access the disabled seating.) With The Killers on hiatus, I needed a band to fill the musical void in my heart! Here are the CDs I bought; sorry the picture is sideways. I take all pics with my iPhone now. Do you like Franz Ferdinand, too? What sort of music are you into? What music would you recommend for me?

I just needed the sleeves on my blazer shortened as they were too long, but otherwise it fits me really well. It will be ready to pick up on Tuesday. Hopefully it turns out fine; I've never really owned a "good" jacket or had to have anything altered besides jeans. I'll post pics of my outfit as soon as I have it all together. I have a really nice necklace to wear, as well. I welcome opinions!

Maths results!

My mum rang my teacher the other day because I was having a mini-meltdown over my results, which I STILL hadn't received. I got an A on my calculus assignment (that really long one that took a fortnight) and a B on my test/assignment which was on calculus and trigonometry, plus a few other things. When I got my results in the mail, I got a fright, because of the way things are classified, my marks fall as a 'High' (B+ or B) and a 'Medium' (C+ or C.) My teacher worked out the percentages, though, and I got a low A, which falls into the 'High' category with the sorting, and for the second assignment I got a high B, which falls into the 'Medium' category with the sorting. So far this year on my assignments I've received: A+, A, B. My next assignment is in the last week of June, and I think it's another long one, but I only get a week to complete it. I really hope I do alright.

I have to maintain a high average for my classwork, because I usually do badly on my exams. I panic, and then have a mind blank. This only started after I missed a year of school and was house-bound that year. My doctors think I developed a lot of new fears that year. When I got back to school I was terrified of speaking in class, or even talking to people. I'd also developed mild agoraphobia. I hated leaving the house, and would have a panic attack every morning before school. I still panic before any kind of public speaking, whether it's debating, a speech in front of the school, or just my English class. And I'm really panicky during it. I thought debating would help me face my new fear of public speaking, but it just meant I got to be terrified on a regular basis. So I'm still as scared as ever when it comes to public speaking, but if I feel comfortable in a class, I'll contribute. I'm always told I need to contribute more to class. (Not in German; there was nowhere to hide in a class of four people, including me!)

Another stressor/fear:
I'm stressed that I'll be the same after this year at home, studying by distance: scared of school, scared to speak up, scared of leaving my room. I do go out, but that's different to giving a speech to a class. I wish I could be assessed differently for oral tasks, because they actually mark you on how well you present. So I'm at a disadvantage before I even start the assignment! I just hope that there aren't too many oral presentations, and if there are, that it's group work. Then I don't have to do all the talking. The worst thing is when I get so shaky and start blacking out that I'm not sure if I'll be able to speak... But I always end up talking. Luckily! I really don't think it's fair to assess people on how they present an oral task. A fear of public speaking is very disabling, and if you already have a disability, it's even worse.

Sleep...
I slept well Monday night this week, but I was woken the next night, so since then I've had very broken sleep. Take last night as an example: I went to bed at about 10.50pm, but woke at 1am, 5am, 6am, 7am, 8am, 9am, 10.30am and 11am. I got up at 11.30am, and haven't been back to bed since. It's a pity, because I really need my sleep to recover from all the activity on Monday. I walked so much that day, it was a huge shopping centre! I'm hoping my sleep will right itself again soon, because I will really need rest before my reunion. I hope I can have a good time, because after that, it will be the weekend, then my assignment week. Yay.

I love reading your comments, but I've been missing them lately! Where is everyone?!

Stress, and lots of it!

Holidays:
The school holidays start at the end of this week, finally! I haven't had a break since February or something; I spent all of the term 1 holidays studying, catching up on the 7 weeks of work I had missed. I'm seeing a friend and going to a movie on the 3rd of July, and there's the Class of 2009 reunion towards the end of the month, so I need to go shopping on the holidays and find a blazer, because, at 19, I don't think I'll fit in wearing a hoodie! But I'll still wear my jeans, lol. I really need a rest, though. I'm completely exhausted.

I think I should move my specialist appointment to a closer date, because the 19th of July is too far away. We need to work out a compromise on my sleep, and therefore my pain. I find it hard to believe that in the 21st century doctors can only treat nausea with Ondansetron, provided you use it very sparingly. I need my other symptoms treated, and not with Melatonin! It doesn't work, no matter how high or low the dose is!!

Maths tutoring:
My tutor rang about half an hour before tutoring was due to start, to say that she couldn't make it, as something really urgent had suddenly come up. (She works as a dentist now, and has been tutoring me since I was 13. I'm lucky she makes the time each week to tutor me!) I didn't think it would be a problem until after I spent 3.5hrs revising antidifferentiation, and realised that I was having a lot more trouble with this Unit than I had originally thought. I tried to start the work for Week 2, but it's just too hard for me to understand what is written in my coursebook; I need someone to go through the examples, and explain how it works and why I need to do each step.

I realised about an hour ago that I'll be so busy this week that I won't be able to start my homework until Thursday evening (my tutor is coming over at about 6.30pm) and it's due Friday. That means tutoring will finish at around 9pm, and then I need to study for at least 2.5hrs to do my homework. So I won't be finished until about 11.30pm or midnight.

Unfortunately, because I study via distance education, it takes at least 24 hours for my homework to arrive. I was sent an email last month saying that if you don't have all your homework in before the holidays, the work may not be marked. But I don't think my homework arriving on Monday as opposed to the previous Friday will make a lot of difference, particularly if I let my teacher know. I can't do it on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday, either; I have appointments on Monday (two of them) and a personal training session on Wednesday, so I'll obviously have to rest and try to sleep on Tuesday. I also have an appointment on Friday, so I can't do the rest of my homework then, unless I cut out a lot of sleep, take Ondansetron and a lot of painkillers. Not a pleasant option. And I'm feeling really exhausted and sick every day. Today was the one day I felt able to study!

Stress and anxiety...
Does anyone have any tips on how to cope?

Year 12 is the most stressful and anxiety-inducing experience I've ever encountered, particularly given my M.E.! There are just so many things to worry about, and my specialist is telling me one visit to drop out, and the next to get a part time job soon! I honestly think doctors talk nonsense when they're at a loss for what to say or do.

Also, if anyone else has sleep problems similar to mine, have you found any medications that helped or worked?

I guess that's it for now, I'll probably have more to write later in the week. Thanks so much for the comments, it's great to know that other people are reading this! Any and all positive comments/feedback are most welcome. =D

Tumblr

Tumblr!
Yes, I've taken another step into the 21st century; I now have a Tumblr account... I've just posted an introductory post, reblogged some funny stuff, and posted some of my fave pics. I'm not sure exactly what else to do with it. It's a mini-blogging service, right? Does that mean that when I'm too tired to write a full post here, I can write a mini one there? ... I might just do that! Um, anyway, this is me on Tumblr: http://thecabbagestalk.tumblr.com/ I figured I should try it out, as a lot of people on Facebook and on Twitter have it. I like it so far, especially the background I chose for my Tumblr. =D

Side effects...
Because my specialist put me on a dose that was so high it's classified as Naltrexone, not Low Dose Naltrexone, I got one of the worst side effects possible: lethargy/fatigue/exhaustion. So that's why I've been feeling more zombie-like than usual this past week! I also had a lot of nausea and dizziness/lightheadedness. Now that I'm down to about 6mg, I should have milder nausea and less dizziness/lightheadedness. Although the nausea was shocking yesterday when I got up for tutoring; I couldn't sit up or even drink. Thankfully I had some Ondansetron!

Maths:
The next two weeks are assigned to a two week project SAC, designed to be completed in about 7.5hrs max. After that, I have a 60 minute SAC, then I start Unit 4, which begins with antidifferentiation. I had a bit of trouble with that in Year 11, although it was quite rushed when we studied it. Hopefully I'll do better this time around! I have maths tutoring today and we're going to revise the topics my teacher said would be covered in the SAC. That way I'll be fully prepared. (I hope; Mum had a look [she's my supervisor] and said it looked really long.) The next SAC (the 60 minute one) is on calculus/differentiation and circular functions, so I definitely need to revise circular functions before that week begins. I got a Very High on my last SAC, which is an A/A+, I really hope I can maintain that for my school work and SACs.
Exams are my main worry; I get panic attacks about them, and get exam "panic" - my mind can go blank from fear. It happened twice in two Year 11 maths tests. Plus it's quite scary being in a room with just the examiner watching you. And this time it won't be a teacher from my school. =( There's a morning exam, so I don't know how well I'll do on that one, as I can't function until midday, at least. The other one starts just before midday, I think, so that should be okay. I've applied to sit them at home, so that way I can lie down during my rest breaks. I hope I get a good mark; my teacher thinks I will definitely pass, which is brilliant! She actually thought I'd been a student who excelled at maths my whole life! =o

Sleep...
I slept a bit better the other night, and I seem to be able to get to sleep by 1.30am at the moment, but I wake quite regularly. Today I went to bed at midnight, fell asleep at around 1am, woke at about 2am, then 4.50am, and I'm still awake. I tried to get back to sleep, but couldn't, so I figured I'd write a blog post. I can go to school on 3 hours sleep, it's just trying to get 3 hours of unbroken sleep. I'm really worried about my sleeping pattern because I start orientation in Nov/Dec, and I need to be able to get up at 6.30am, or 6.50am at the latest. Which means I need some solid sleep, and to be able to sleep from about midnight. I know someone my age needs 9-10 hours of sleep per night, and I need more than that because of my Idiopathic Hypersomnolence, but, realistically, I haven't slept like that since I was about 10. If one thing gets sorted out this year, or changes for the better, I want it to be my sleep. (Or "sleep pattern")

I guess that's it.
Thanks for all your comments, I really appreciate every one of them, and respond to them as soon as I can; lately I'm not able to use my laptop much at all. I'll try to sleep now, seeing as it's after 6am. If you've got any tips on how to use Tumblr, how to cope with lack of sleep/side effects/illness or exam anxiety, I'd love to hear them! =) Thanks for reading!

Good news!

First of all, the good (medical) news:
My specialist agreed to prescribe LDN for me. (That's Low Dose Naltrexone, if you didn't know. ^.^) She said to take a quarter of a tablet, but didn't specify when or how to take it, or whether I can or should increase the doseage if needed. Each tablet is 50mg, so a quarter (it's hard to make it exact, even with a pill cutter) is about 12.5mg. So that's what I'm taking each night.
I'm going to see my GP, ask what the highest dose is, how I should go off it (if I need to) and how long it needs before it starts working. My specialist had never prescribed LDN before, probably because her patients trust her and don't do their own research!!
I've been on it since the 12/05/10, and it does seem to make headaches less severe and Panadol work better for them, but that could just be a placebo effect, or my mind making it think it's doing that. Because I studied for 5.5hrs today, I had a lot of back pain. It wasn't as bad as last week; I was incapacitated then, and totally bedbound, unable to move for about 4hrs. This week, it was still awful pain, but I could manage to do a few things before lying down with a heatpack for 1.5hrs and then having a hot shower.
Heat seems to really help my pain. It didn't help my rheumatism. I had a bad attack of it the other night, so I was lying down, mum was bringing heatpacks and I had my electric blanket on full. But mum's arthritis was playing up, too (our pain always seems to coincide) so we both want a definitive test to rule out all types of arthritis. But no side effects so far from LDN, because I was getting headaches before it, I think that it's just normal ME headaches.
I can only take Panadol or Nurofen while on LDN, anything with codeine will cause a reaction similar to an opiod overdose. My specialist doesn't know what it'd look like, so mum took all meds with codeine out of my room. My memory is so bad; I thought Mersyndol didn't have codeine!!

The good (academic) news:
I got my SAC in the mail last week, and I got a "Very High", which means my mark is in the 80% - 100% range. I think I got an A+, but after I saw that I got higher than a B, I was so happy I couldn't be bothered calculating my result as a percentage. So that's brilliant, because it counts for my work from Weeks 4-7! I'm really happy, but worried about my next SAC. It sounds rather complex.

Fail!!! (Or "brain fog" in the ME world)
I thought my SAC was this week, and that's why the Distance Education people had posted the SAC to my mum (my supervisor) last week. I got my weeks confused. This week is Week 13, which is more calculus/differentiation, but Weeks 14 and 15 are the SAC. It's a project on calculus/differentiation, and it's supposed to take no more than 7hrs in total. Or something like that. The week after that (Week 16) I have another SAC, which is a test-format SAC on, I guess, calculus/differentiation. Then I think it's holidays. So I'll be really busy for the next few weeks!! Although, I've already completed this week's required homework, and my teacher is visiting on Tuesday, so I can show her what I'm having trouble with, and we can work out what amendments to the requirements would be best for me.

Birthday presents:
I was finally able to go out a week or so ago and buy a new pair of tracksuit pants (one I bought in January stretched strangely, so now they're too long to wear. The fabric was waaaay too stretchy!! (On the old pair!) I still need to get this new pair taken up at the tailor's. I also bought new winter pyjamas, and a hoodie that matches them. Plus slippers. I figured I may as well get really comfortable pyjamas, seeing as I spend so much time in them! I got one blue pair (paisely blue/aqua with a royal blue top) and a purple pair (white/purple striped pants with a purple top.)  I still want to buy a dressing gown, though. One of those warm ones. I haven't found one yet, but I'll keep looking! I used my gift card and some of the money I got for my birthday. There was a huge special on at that particular store, which was great! I may even get a second hoodie from there; quite cheap, very comfortable and warm.

Sleep:
My sleep is all over the place. Most nights I'm up until 6am, or until I get a headache, nausea and dizziness, (from lack of sleep) so that I have to lie down with my eyes closed, and not move. Last night, though, I went to bed at 11.25pm, woke at 3.30am, and a few times in between. I've been up since. It's about 5.10am now, so I'm going to try and sleep. I can never catch up on sleep, because in the mornings (7.30am - 9am) there's "getting ready for school noise" and in the afternoons/evenings there's "arriving home/playing PS2, etc/getting dinner ready noise" So I really need to get my sleep sorted. I have no idea how to, though. Any ideas? (Apart from anything sleep hygeine related; that's what got my sleep into this freaky pattern in the first place!)

Thanks so much for reading. Any comments, feedback, or tips would be greatly appreciated! Take care.

Lots of stress, too much study...

First SAC of the year...
My SAC didn't arrive in the mail like it was supposed to. So my teacher tried emailing it. Her attachment kept crashing the iMac. So she sent it in the message body of the email, & left work. At 4.15pm. At 5.02pm the message arrived, but the SAC was riddled with errors - a Yen symbol replaced the infinity symbol throughout the SAC, etc. But when I emailed my teacher, she said that it didn't appear that way on her computer, but that the Yen symbol did mean infinity. So I had several panic attacks & became hysterical. (The idea that I was going to fail & I'd missed basic concepts of maths was overwhelming.)
Then my mum left voicemail messages for the student wellbeing person, the year level co-ordinator, the Principal & my teacher outlining the situation they'd placed me in. Including the fact that THEY sent my work 7 weeks late & expected me to magically do 42 - 56hrs of work over the holidays to catch up. Despite the fact I'd explained my situation & had applied on medical grounds.
So it arrived in the mail the next day, (Thursday afternoon) my teacher apologised, as did the year level co-ordinator & the Principal. The SAC counts for the work from Weeks 5, 6 & 7, & I have an extension until this Thursday! I started it on Friday, & finished it today, after tutoring. I texted my tutor last week with a list of the concepts I was finding really hard (graphs; particularly reflections & dilations, as well as circular functions) so we revised that. Luckily it helped some with the SAC. I think I'll get an okay mark. I don't wanna jinx it, lol.

Maths tutoring...
So I had Maths tutoring yesterday, & it went for 2.5 - 3hrs! After that I worked on my SAC. Then I ate... I ended up starving by the end of it! But with tutoring, we covered all of Week 9 (this week beginning Monday) & it was relatively short. Basically just the "tangent function" & some odd thing where you add intercepts to come up with an in-between graph. F**k knows why you'd want to, but, yeah. I learned that. Also, I hate circular functions, I hate graphs, so the "tangent function" is irritating. It's a graph that's circular functions. I guess I just hate graphs & circular functions because I'm not that good at them!
So after resting today, then sending my work off on Monday, I'll attempt the SEND tasks for Week 9 on Tuesday, maybe. If I don't get sick, & everything goes according to plan, I should be on track until the next SAC. It's on differentiation. (Calculus...) I like it more than graphs, that's for sure!

Sleep...
I've been trying to go to bed between midnight & 1am for the past week or something, but, as you can see, tonight, I ceebz. I'm wide awake, it's almost 2.30am, & there were some really good shows taped on the Foxtel iQ. Plus I wanted to stay up until I wasn't dizzy/feeling sick/had a headache from overdoing it yesterday with all that maths! I've tried reading to make me sleepy; no matter what I read, whether it's tax law, news sites, actual newspapers, novels, Shakespeare, poetry, blogs, medical information I've printed off, medical sites, blogs; anything, it doesn't help me sleep. Sometimes just watching tv or DVDs on my laptop until I'm sleepy works. That's why it's great having all those Skins & The OC DVDs! But I am hoping to get a serious sleep pattern going soon, in anticipation of exams & (hopefully) school & graduation next year. I still want a decent ENTER, but right now, I'll settle for getting back to school!

Goodnight!
Well, it's nearly 2.30am, so I'm going to try & sleep now. I love it when anyone posts a comment, or gives feedback. It's nice to know people out there are actually reading this, & some of you understand. I've since downloaded a lot more apps for my iPhone, so there are heaps of things to keep me occupied when I can't sleep, am bored during the day, or want to multi task... Watch tv & use an iPhone. =p Also, is it just me, or are The Killers mentioned in the song "Boys Boys Boys" by Lady GaGa? I could swear they are. Then again, I have ME/CFS induced brain fog!! Hope anyone who reads this is well... Or as well as possible. =)

iPhone!!!!

iPhone!!!!
I got an iPhone today!! I'm so excited!!! It's a black, 32GB iPhone. It's awesome, but I only spent about 10mins using it; then I put a protective screen cover on it, & you're supposed to wait 12hrs before you turn it on. I put it on at 2.50pm. It's now 4.30pm, so I may just wait 6hrs. That way I can load some apps on to it tonight! One of my friends recommended Echofon for a Twitter app, & suggested I get a Facebook app. Any other suggestions for games/apps I should get? My brother loves something called "Doodle jump" ... Or something. Don't quote me on that. There's also a horrific app where you can kill a cartoon bunny. As a 13-year-old boy, he loves that app. lol.
It took a lot of persuasion, from me & my mum, but my father finally caved in; we ended his contract a couple of months early, paid an exit fee, then used my sim card for the iPhone, so I've still got the same number, just my father has the more expensive plan. =o (His is a $39 cap + $14 for the iPhone per month, mine is a $29 cap + $8 of 500MB internet/data use per month.) My mum argued that seeing as I'm up all hours, & am at home, don't cost much (you know, I don't go out, so no expensive shoes, dresses, concert tickets, whatever) it'd be a great thing to occupy me. Plus I deserve it. =p And a lot of my friends have them. When it was first released, my contract had expired, but my father said it was too expensive to get. (It was, it was probably a $69 cap per month + $$ for the iPhone!) So now it's cheaper, I have less to think about, like if I forget my iPod, I have my iPhone, & I don't have to constantly restart my phone to get access to internet at 3am. It can access the home wi-fi. =D I can't wait to find out all the features & apps I can get!!

Maths...
I had tutoring at 9.30am today, last night I went on a Starlight escape to a comedian's show, & I didn't get to sleep until about 1.40am, woke at 6am, & didn't sleep again. So I went on Twitter, complained. (As always! =p) Then after a few hours I got up, took my meds, had a shower, had breakfast & got ready. I went pretty well; we've nearly finished week 7, so I'm up to date in that sense, but as for the SEND tasks, I'm up to... Week 5, which I've just started. My SAC should arrive on Monday, & I have all week to do it, (well, I only have 50mins for it, but I can do it any day, or over a few days) & tutoring is on the weekend, when we'll start on week 8. I just hope I can catch up to week 7 before next weekend. I did ring my teacher. (Well, my mum rang my teacher, who called me.) She said I can do half the SEND tasks if I want, use my calculator, & skip the analysis questions, unless I think I can do them quickly. I just need to send in enough work from each week to show that I grasp the concepts. I really do wish my work hadn't been so late. It's not like I need any more stress!

Doctor Who
The Easter episode of Doctor Who is airing on iView (on the ABC's site) on the 16/04, & it's on tv on the 18/04!! I'm really interested. I want to see what sort of a Doctor Matt Smith will be, & I'm willing to give him a decent chance. But David Tennant will always be my Doctor! I've heard he's quite quirky, which sounds good. A Doctor like Christopher Eccleston's takes a lot of adjustment. But he could be funny, at times, which I liked.
I downloaded a whole lot of awesome desktops/backgrounds/wallpapers the other night; all of the 10th Doctor. I picked the ones that look amazing, or mean something to me, because of the image or the quote. They've got great imagery with quotes & all sorts of things! It's amazing how much great stuff is on Google images. Other wallpapers are just awesome because it's the 10th Doctor. =p

Pain...
I'm in more pain, my back is pretty bad today because I haven't slept enough, haven't spent any time lying down since 8.30am, & have done a lot today. I went to one store nearby to get the protective screen cover & case for my iPhone, then went to the big shopping centre to get the iPhone. The main store had sold out (within 2hrs of me phoning) but the kiosk on the next level had some, so that was good. It was a lot of walking, though. Improving my posture hasn't improved my pain yet; it's still getting worse, & it's migrating. It used to always be severe lower back pain that radiated up my spine, now it can be in the middle of my spine or even in my neck. Or just my whole back & spine. It's really hard to cope with. Also, I had blurred vision the other night, which scared me, because it hasn't happened since I was on the Gabapentin. It went away eventually, & I still managed to do some maths hw, which was good. =)

Hello?
I don't know if anyone reads this anymore, because I'm not getting any comments... Seriously, I don't mind whether it's a recommendation for apps, how to layout my blog, or your experiences with ME/CFS; anything positive/constructive, really. I'm happy to hear it! I hope I am reaching someone, rather than just blogging for no reason.

Busy & stressed!

My past week:
On the 27/03 & 28/03 I had two hours of Maths tutoring each day to catch up; I'd missed the previous week's session because I went to see a movie with a friend, & it was my birthday that weekend. One of the worst ever. So it took me a while to recover from that. (In fact, I'm not sure I have recovered yet.)
On the 30/03 I had a dentist's appointment, which was exhausting & I also got my iPod fixed & looked at Sportsgirl.
Then on the 31/03 I had my first personal training session at the gym, which went well, but I was incredibly exhausted as my younger brother had a friend & the friend's younger brother at our place all day.
The next day (01/04) I had a hair cut/colour & it took a few hours, but it was nice to get out of the house & do something that didn't involve ME/CFS for once. Then I noticed a sale at Cotton On & the Bonds outlet, so I bought a loose top that matches my pajamas for $5 from Cotton On, a jacket & long sleeve t-shirt from the Bonds outlet. Then I was exhausted.
On Sunday (04/03) I went to the footy after an awful weekend, thanks to my father. I had a good time with my half-brother from Germany, his girlfriend & my family. (Excluding my father.) After the footy match we went to the Hilton to have a coffee & some snacks, then caught a taxi home.

My further exhaustion & feelings of being overwhelmed:
I got back at about 9.50pm last night, & had to shower & wash, dry, straighten my hair & do my Methods hw which I'd been too busy or wiped out to do all week. I've finally got all of week 1 ready to send in, & all of week 2 except for 1 question. Just 5 more weeks of work to be completed by the 11/04 & I'm set. Then I have a SAC the first week of term, but I'm allowed to take rest breaks, etc. plus my mum is supervising me. So that should quell some of my nerves/panic attacks/anxiety about exams/tests/SACs. I hope.

Sleep: (or lack thereof)
It's 4am & I haven't slept yet. My body is keeping me awake, despite the fact I've taken my meds, because it knows I have tutoring at 1pm, & my body thinks I'll oversleep. It's stupid. I need sleep for tutoring, so my body ensures I don't sleep before tutoring. It's torture & a waste of my valuable meds! I'm going to go insane from lack of sleep. I either get to sleep by 4am & wake every 10mins or get to sleep by 8am & wake every 30mins. Both are exhausting, both cannot be classified as sleep, & no one can help me. I'm on my own here. I've tried everything & nothing helps. Exercise seems to make it worse, stress obviously does & I'm stressed out of my mind.

So busy & so desperate to sleep:
I need to get to sleep!!! My half-brother from Germany & his girlfriend are coming over after tutoring for an early dinner & also so they can tell us about their trip through central Australia. I must study, I must pass, I must get a good mark, & I must return to school next year. The isolation is awful & so is being stuck at home. I just want the energy & ability to escape for a few days. I'm not coping anymore.

Expect another post soon, unless I get too sick to use my laptop again!

iMac

YAY!! ...... Oh, crap..... Oooh, cool.


We finally have a functioning computer!! I've never had a mac before, but we've now got an iMac as the family computer; though I've been on it all night! (That's the "YAY!!") I'm so excited to have new music, but panicked that my iPod won't fully sync, it keeps saying: "The iPod "Alex's iPod" cannot be synced. The required file cannot be found." (That's the "Oh, crap.") It's, like, 1am, & I'm so stressed, annoyed & confused. I bought $110 worth of music, & not all of it may have synced. Oh, btw, it's not my pension being spent on Rammstein, Lady GaGa P!nk, blur & more, it's my Christmas & birthday iTunes vouchers. I have about $10 left, I think. I've been making a list of songs I want ever since our pc decided it wouldn't co-operate with iTunes. (It did this by taking 15mins to open iTunes, then crash when I clicked anything at all.) It was a very manipulative PC. lol!! Oh, the iMac has a WEBCAM!! (That's the "Oooh, cool" bit.) It has this thing called Photo Booth, & you can take pics using aforementioned webcam with various effects & backgrounds. It's awesome, but it also means I'll know how to look halfway decent in actual pics. Practice should make decent. (I'd rather perfect, but I'll never look perfect in a pic!!!) Seriously, I'm not photogenic. I may have to take my iPod to the store & see what the problem is. Must ask mum when she can take me. That is, if the iTunes updates don't fix the problem.

Woo-hoo!!


I read in the paper (well, the newspaper's site on my mobile) that 'The Simpsons' vocab has entered ours. But the "woo-hoo!" part is that I'm finally over my virus, my second in three weeks, & should receive info from my distance education teacher soon about how many 'send' exercises & reviews I must complete. I really hope I can stay in Methods this year, & graduate next year, I really don't want to get worse. I slept rather well last night, luckily. I got 4hrs' sleep without waking! Then the iMac was installed yesterday afternoon, & I spent all evening up until now, pretty much, on the iMac, buying music, making playlists & generally having as much fun as I can possibly have, being me. Also, with the thing about posture supposedly improving my pain levels; it's not. It's so much worse!! But I'm gonna keep going, to either improve, or prove my specialist wrong. I love doing that. *evil grin*

Goodnight...

Well, it's about 1.10am now, so I should check on the progress of the iTunes downloads, & go to bed. Rest my aching bones & all that. =p Also, I'm seriously devastated about Skins. A whole new cast for series 5?! But the site says series 4 is available on DVD; I'm hoping they mean worldwide, but it's unlikely. As ever, I live in hope! Goodnight. =)

STRESS!!

Distance education...
My mum rang up the Year 12 co-ordinator for distance education during the week, to ask when I'd be getting a schedule, or some SACs, etc. I then found out I was 7 weeks behind, & the start pack (coursebooks, guides, CD-ROM, etc.) had been sent to us in FEBRUARY, but never arrived. Fail. So I got hyper stressed & had a panic attack. It wasn't until my teacher called me the next day (the 24th) & I explained what I'd covered that I found out I wasn't really 7 weeks behind, I was just missing some key areas: graphs, because they hadn't been covered in the textbook yet. So she said to do the 'send' exercises, & if I had any problems, to look at the coursebooks & explanations, then call/email her if I needed further clarification. The thick coursebook is divided in to weeks (as in weeks of a term) & each week you  need to do all the exercises & refer to the thinner coursebook for algebra consolidation exercises & send in the 'send' algebra review exercise(s) & the 'send' work at the end of the chapter. The 'send' at the end of the chapter is 2 - 3 pages long, usually, & there are looooong analysis questions, too. I've nearly finished all of weeks 1 & 2, & have made a start on week 3. I also emailed my teacher to find out how many of the 'send' exercises I need to complete & send in. Otherwise it's waaaaaay too much work for a 2 week holiday break. So stressful!! ... This is a pic of all the work that arrived: http://twitpic.com/1ae3ep

Another virus...
I caught another virus last Monday, probably because when mum went to the gym, her personal trainer was really sick, so I caught it, as I have a really low immune system. (EBV + ME/CFS + secondary infection = low immune system) It was awful. I felt like I usually do (chills, running a fever, aches & pains, headache) but 100x worse & I had a really sore throat that just wouldn't go away, plus I had 'the sniffles'. Badly. I'm still feeling a bit under the weather now, but my tutor noticed the difference in my appearance on Sunday, as opposed to on Saturday. (I'd improved; my voice was more normal.) Imagine if she'd seen me on Wednesday! =o

Flu vaccinations...
I can't get the 'flu shot, because it lays me low, or makes me exhausted/sick for at least 1.5 weeks afterwards. That's a luxury I cannot afford in Year 12. Seeing as I'm practically housebound, I don't need the vaccination, plus with a low immune system, it's recommended in a lot of countries that you shouldn't get the swine flu vaccination unless you work/study, etc. in high-risk areas, like schools, or hospitals. So I may have to get it next year, but I'll ensure I get it on the hols. No reason to fall behind in SACs & work if it can be avoided. I really hope there is a "next year", though. I want to go back to school & graduate so badly that I can't quite explain it in words! I just have to improve & must graduate. Then I can stress about uni. (lol!)

The week ahead...
If all goes well, I'm going to the gym (to see a personal trainer, finally) on Wednesday afternoon, having my hair cut Thursday afternoon, & possibly going to Ikea to get a new wardrobe. Possibly. (I also don't know if we have to get my shelf taken down so the wardrobe will fit. My current wardrobe doesn't fit all my stuff, & isn't great.) Then on Saturday, I have maths tutoring again in the afternoon. (I had it Saturday, and today this week, to make up for last week's missed lesson.) I love Ikea's cafeteria. Particularly the free refills for soft drinks. =D It'd be a nice outing.

Colds.

A cold after a few hours out...
After I went shopping I managed to catch a cold/virus. I've been sick all week, with chills, a fever, sore throat, no appetite & loads of aches & pains. I did a bit of my Methods homework, but I'm finding it really difficult. I'll ask my tutor to go through it again on Monday. I figure I'll be completely exhausted for a while afterwards, but I just can't afford it. If only I'd got this bug on the holidays!

Methods & the future...
I'm finding Methods more difficult every week. I really hope I can get okay grades, but it's a struggle to just do the homework. I'm not sure how I'm meant to return to school again next year, for two subjects, but I try not to think about that. I need to get through Year 12. It's not like I got ME/CFS after high school, or after uni. Right now, I have no qualifications. That's hard to live with, especially with all my friends now at uni.

Exhaustion & stress...
I'm incredibly stressed, & that doesn't help, but it's scary to contemplate being stuck in bed & the same house for the rest of your life. I still don't sleep well. I found a letter from my GP saying that at age 11 I was complaining of getting to sleep at around 11pm - 12am & waking at 3am, staying awake for a few hours. So that's at least 8 years' worth of sleep disturbances. I can't imagine what it's done to my memory, etc. I just hope it's reversible. I don't want to get any worse... Anyway, I'm too tired to write any more, so I guess that's it. =\

I fail at Maths.

Maths homework...
I tried to do my Methods homework during the week, but the two nights I was able to do so, my younger brother had homework. He took 4 hours to do it. It's his first year of high school, so he's not used to homework, being assigned books, having a diary/planner, etc. So I had to do nearly all of it on Saturday. I did most of it, but ran into trouble with a few questions. I misread one question to do with polynomials, and expanded it, instead of giving the number of terms in the equation or something. So that's a fail. Then, I spent HOURS doing another binomial expansion question (it actually needed expanding) only to find I had the wrong answer. So I showed my tutor yesterday, she looked at the answer for a minute, & went: "They wrote it the opposite way! See, we'll go through it, I bet you got it right!" I did. I just fail for not checking how my textbook decides to write solutions.

Maths tutoring...
So yesterday we covered 1.2 (Systems of linear equations) & began 1.3 (Algebra of exponential & logarithmic functions) in my textbook. Systems of linear equations in two unknowns, parallel & coincident lines, simultaneous linear equtions in more than two unknowns, matrix representation of systems of linear equations, inconsistent systems & laws of logarithms & changing the base of logarithms. (The last two were from 1.3) I found it harder than last week, but my tutor thinks I'm still doing well, it's just that I always assume I'm wrong with my working out or answers, so I waste more time, & get anxious, too. I'm a perfectionist, which isn't good when Maths isn't your strong suit. I think my brain took most of it in. I really hope it did; I just know that I was wiped out & so was my tutor after 2.5 hours of Methods! I have quite a lot of homework again, plus some extra in case I "get bored." I'm not sure that I'll become bored enough to do that homework! =P I plan to copy out the notes & examples into my new exercise book on Tuesday, as per last week. Hopefully I can make a start on the homework, then, too.

New clothes...
So I'm planning to go & get a new pair of jeans & some t-shirts tomorrow. It hinges on whether I sleep well, & my pain levels when I get up at 11am... ish. I realised that a lot of my t-shirts were black/worn, & I've had nearly all of them for 2+ years! (Except for the 3 I bought at the Bonds outlet.) My jeans are two years old, & they are wearing thin, so it's best to get another pair before my jeans actually wear out! Plus I like buying things, it doesn't matter how small. It could be some nice pens, or a hat, anything, really, because it gets me out of the house & takes my mind off my disability.

Finally...
I guess that's about it. Not much happens in my life, apart from study. I tried to watch the new episode of Skins, but can't get it to play past 43mins, the episode is 46mins long. I'm hoping I haven't missed much. I figure I can catch up next week! I'm getting consistently worse, so my mum will try to make an "emergency" appointment with my specialist. We have a lot to discuss. I'm worried about my brain, & how it will function if I improve or ever recover. How does it recover from years & years of sleep deprivation? I know my memory is getting worse; I can have my house keys in my hand, but not remember what they're called, or what they do when I'm having a really bad day. Or else my eyes ache, I feel like I've got the flu, & my spine has excruciating pain radiating outwards, & upwards unless I lie down in bed or sleep. No painkiller will dull the pain enough for me to function. I just have to get myself together, get referrals, & sort some of this crap out. Anyway, that's about it from me, I'm going to try & sleep now!

Maths

Maths tutoring...
So, I had maths tutoring for the first time since last May, the whole 2.5hrs, and it went pretty well. Still on the first chapter, but it's slow work. Particularly the binomial expansions & Pascal's triangle. (Curse you, binomial expansions!! Pascal's triangle, too, so damn confusing!) I was doing really well (as my tutor said to me & my mum) particularly as I remembered polynomial division, without having revised it. I like polynomial division, when it's not a complex equation, it's almost relaxing. Like simple algebra, you can just do it almost without thinking. Or like me talking about my illness in German. Becoming second nature, lol. So 1.1 is "Algebra of polynomials", and I covered the remainder & factor theorems, long division of polynomials & factorisation, equality of polynomials, solution of polynomial equations, equations reducible to quadratics, equations involving higher degree polynomials & Pascal's triangle & binomial expansions. Then it's on to 1.2 next week: "Systems of simultaneous linear equations"... With matrices, yay.

Stationery & payback time...
I have one notebook from last year for notes & working out, but then I copy out the examples & notes into a new notebook, in nice colours. (Scents, too, they're Smiggle pens.) That should help me remember more of the equations! Methods is blue, so it's a blue display book, blue exercise books, blue pencil case & butterfly binder folder. My hand was soooooo sore after tutoring, though. I haven't really needed to use a pen for more than 10mins since my November exam! Of course, my back was killing me, too, as punishment for getting up early, (woke at 6am, didn't sleep again) studying & sitting upright. I expected it, & I don't think it was as bad as it could've been. I took Nurofen before tutoring, for a headache, which dulled the pain a little. Then I had to turn to my Panadeine Forte, which I ration incredibly strictly. I should really get a referral to an orthopedic surgeon for my back pain & scoliosis; I saw one when I was 9, but haven't seen one since. Everyone goes "Oh, you have ME/CFS" ... And dismisses the pain.

A new routine?
I'm considering trying to get up each day between 11am & midday, & trying an afternoon nap to catch up on sleep, then trying to go without the nap. I'll find out which works best, because I've found sleep hygeine & sleep regimes to be a bunch of BS. They didn't help, they made me worse, or had no effect, no matter how many months I stuck at it. I've got an appointment at the gym for my personal training session on Thursday afternoon, which I can hopefully attend. I need a new pair of jeans & some t-shirts; so that's another reason to get out of the house! I'm going to try to go out as often as I can, I'm going stir-crazy without school, not being able to catch up with friends, all of the stuff that comes with ME/CFS. Even if it's just down the street to go to a cafe for a drink with my mum, that'll do. It's awful being stuck indoors. Even if there's really good shows on tv.

The 10th Doctor, gone...
Last night was the second part of the "End Of Time" specials. David Tennant's Doctor regenerated. Into Matt Smith. I am debating between giving the guy a go as a Doctor (by that, I mean 1 episode) or refusing to accept that David Tennant has left, & reliving the series on DVD. Repeatedly. I like the sound of the latter... I heard a rumour they're changing the TARDIS, to go with a changed Doctor. I'm sorry, but YOU CANNOT DO THAT!!! It's the TARDIS, the blue police box, & it will not work any other way. On a similar note, why couldn't David Tennant have stayed for another year or two? Just 'till I graduated from high school. It was nice knowing I could escape for about an hour, once a week, with an eccentric character like the 10th Doctor. (Who reminds my mother of the 4th Doctor, Tom Baker!)

Is there some comfort despite the 10th Doctor being gone?
There's supposed to be another series of Torchwood on it's way, or in the works... That's a little comfort, I guess. But Captain Jack Harkness is no 10th Doctor. Plus, after all that happened in 'Children Of Earth', how will Torchwood continue, exactly? Will it suck, like The OC after they wrote Marissa Cooper out of it? Hope not. Also, I like to consider myself as someone who isn't obsessed with looks, but... Matt Smith, 11th Doctor? Where's the quirkiness, the looks, a cool outfit? (Damn, that trenchcoat the 10th Doctor wore was so cool. I would totally wear one. If I wasn't so short, housebound & didn't live in a country that doesn't require trenchcoats!) I loved the 10th Doctor on sight. I had to take an episode or two to like the 9th Doctor, but he's still a bit too serious & military-ish for my liking. Just... I don't know if it's because I'm attached to the 10th Doctor that I hate the 11th, or it's actually because I hate the 11th. Just because. *mildly confused*

Skins. Yes, again.
At least there's still Skins. Thankfully. I finally watched episode 4 last night; it took me trying at least 10 links, none of them working past the 6 minute mark, but I tried the first link again. It worked, though it took several hours to load. I pause, then wait for the whole episode (or most of it) to load, then watch. I'm interested as to what will happen with series 5 & 6... Will they use Freddie's younger sister, & introduce her friends? The way Effy was introduced in series 1 & 2, only to become a lead character in series 3 & 4? Can't wait until series 4 comes out on DVD, or airs in Australia. It'll be in much better quality than online streaming!!

And, finally, back to ME/CFS...
I know that if I can sleep for more than an hour at a time & get 5+ hours' of sleep per night, my memory will improve, as will my ability to learn new things. This will, of course, be of immense help for my Methods exams at the end of the year. Either way, I hope to manage something around a 37 (scaled) & to do better in my Humanities & Literature subjects next year. Maybe a 40 for Lit, a 38 for Legal Studies? It all depends on my illness. I know I could get all marks in the 40's if I wasn't sick. There's no question about that. I'm sick of my life being defined & dictated by this illness that so many people see as fake. Right now, it's the lack of sleep & pain that is driving me insane. I could cope with one or the other, but they go hand-in-hand. It makes for fun times. I hope I start to improve soon. I don't know if I can get any worse, & I do not want to find out.