The 11th Doctor!!
I watched the first episode with Matt Smith, & it took a while, but I've got to say that I do like him... A lot. He's quirky & funny, but is lacking the dress sense of the 10th Doctor. (Who is still my all-time fave!) I'm going to keep watching. I also like Amy, his soon to be (I presume) companion. She reminds me of Donna! I really liked the episode, though it was slow in a few parts. I absolutely hated the complete overhaul of the theme music, logo, TARDIS interior & sonic screwdriver. I loved the continuity of "wibbly-wobbly... timey-wimey..." It was brilliant, & I love anything that links back to my fave Doctor. I'm counting down the hours (practically) until the next episode: Sunday night!! If any of my Twitter followers are reading this; please no spoilers!! =P
Now, the good news:
My mum mailed my SAC & SEND tasks from Weeks 1-4 yesterday, so if the address/name/location are correct, my teacher should receive it today. (Wednesday.) That means I'm no longer behind in my work!!
Complete exhaustion...
After the marathon study session & maths tutoring & finishing my SAC, I was exhausted the next day, Sunday. I expected that. But it's now Wednesday & I can't see any improvement. I'm doing 3x the work I did when I attended a real school, I have no social life/contact & receiving any form of communication is really dodgy. You never know if it'll be a month late, on time, or 7 weeks late. So the stress from that isn't helping things at all. I still haven't been able to get out of bed most days until 4pm. My alarm goes off at 2pm, but I'm too weak & dead tired to move. So I just lie there.
Week 9 SEND tasks:
I obviously can't work on the Week 9 SEND tasks tomorrow, as I have a personal training session. (Yes, I'm still persevering with that.) So I'll have to do it on Thursday, if I have any ability to sit & study. I'll have to take meds to do so, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make! (It's really hard to get these particular meds.) It's a short bit on the "tangent function" & something else where you mark key points on 2 graphs, then add them to come up with an in-between graph. I'm just so wiped out, it's terrifying me. Also, it's about 5am, I haven't slept yet, & need my sleep really badly.
Good morning/goodnight...
It's getting early in the morning, so I'll attempt sleep for the 1000th time! I hope my readers are well, & if anyone has any feedback, tips, or just would like to chat about ME/CFS, or Doctor Who, or something, then comment!! I read all of them! =D
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Lots of stress, too much study...
First SAC of the year...
My SAC didn't arrive in the mail like it was supposed to. So my teacher tried emailing it. Her attachment kept crashing the iMac. So she sent it in the message body of the email, & left work. At 4.15pm. At 5.02pm the message arrived, but the SAC was riddled with errors - a Yen symbol replaced the infinity symbol throughout the SAC, etc. But when I emailed my teacher, she said that it didn't appear that way on her computer, but that the Yen symbol did mean infinity. So I had several panic attacks & became hysterical. (The idea that I was going to fail & I'd missed basic concepts of maths was overwhelming.)
Then my mum left voicemail messages for the student wellbeing person, the year level co-ordinator, the Principal & my teacher outlining the situation they'd placed me in. Including the fact that THEY sent my work 7 weeks late & expected me to magically do 42 - 56hrs of work over the holidays to catch up. Despite the fact I'd explained my situation & had applied on medical grounds.
So it arrived in the mail the next day, (Thursday afternoon) my teacher apologised, as did the year level co-ordinator & the Principal. The SAC counts for the work from Weeks 5, 6 & 7, & I have an extension until this Thursday! I started it on Friday, & finished it today, after tutoring. I texted my tutor last week with a list of the concepts I was finding really hard (graphs; particularly reflections & dilations, as well as circular functions) so we revised that. Luckily it helped some with the SAC. I think I'll get an okay mark. I don't wanna jinx it, lol.
Maths tutoring...
So I had Maths tutoring yesterday, & it went for 2.5 - 3hrs! After that I worked on my SAC. Then I ate... I ended up starving by the end of it! But with tutoring, we covered all of Week 9 (this week beginning Monday) & it was relatively short. Basically just the "tangent function" & some odd thing where you add intercepts to come up with an in-between graph. F**k knows why you'd want to, but, yeah. I learned that. Also, I hate circular functions, I hate graphs, so the "tangent function" is irritating. It's a graph that's circular functions. I guess I just hate graphs & circular functions because I'm not that good at them!
So after resting today, then sending my work off on Monday, I'll attempt the SEND tasks for Week 9 on Tuesday, maybe. If I don't get sick, & everything goes according to plan, I should be on track until the next SAC. It's on differentiation. (Calculus...) I like it more than graphs, that's for sure!
Sleep...
I've been trying to go to bed between midnight & 1am for the past week or something, but, as you can see, tonight, I ceebz. I'm wide awake, it's almost 2.30am, & there were some really good shows taped on the Foxtel iQ. Plus I wanted to stay up until I wasn't dizzy/feeling sick/had a headache from overdoing it yesterday with all that maths! I've tried reading to make me sleepy; no matter what I read, whether it's tax law, news sites, actual newspapers, novels, Shakespeare, poetry, blogs, medical information I've printed off, medical sites, blogs; anything, it doesn't help me sleep. Sometimes just watching tv or DVDs on my laptop until I'm sleepy works. That's why it's great having all those Skins & The OC DVDs! But I am hoping to get a serious sleep pattern going soon, in anticipation of exams & (hopefully) school & graduation next year. I still want a decent ENTER, but right now, I'll settle for getting back to school!
Goodnight!
Well, it's nearly 2.30am, so I'm going to try & sleep now. I love it when anyone posts a comment, or gives feedback. It's nice to know people out there are actually reading this, & some of you understand. I've since downloaded a lot more apps for my iPhone, so there are heaps of things to keep me occupied when I can't sleep, am bored during the day, or want to multi task... Watch tv & use an iPhone. =p Also, is it just me, or are The Killers mentioned in the song "Boys Boys Boys" by Lady GaGa? I could swear they are. Then again, I have ME/CFS induced brain fog!! Hope anyone who reads this is well... Or as well as possible. =)
My SAC didn't arrive in the mail like it was supposed to. So my teacher tried emailing it. Her attachment kept crashing the iMac. So she sent it in the message body of the email, & left work. At 4.15pm. At 5.02pm the message arrived, but the SAC was riddled with errors - a Yen symbol replaced the infinity symbol throughout the SAC, etc. But when I emailed my teacher, she said that it didn't appear that way on her computer, but that the Yen symbol did mean infinity. So I had several panic attacks & became hysterical. (The idea that I was going to fail & I'd missed basic concepts of maths was overwhelming.)
Then my mum left voicemail messages for the student wellbeing person, the year level co-ordinator, the Principal & my teacher outlining the situation they'd placed me in. Including the fact that THEY sent my work 7 weeks late & expected me to magically do 42 - 56hrs of work over the holidays to catch up. Despite the fact I'd explained my situation & had applied on medical grounds.
So it arrived in the mail the next day, (Thursday afternoon) my teacher apologised, as did the year level co-ordinator & the Principal. The SAC counts for the work from Weeks 5, 6 & 7, & I have an extension until this Thursday! I started it on Friday, & finished it today, after tutoring. I texted my tutor last week with a list of the concepts I was finding really hard (graphs; particularly reflections & dilations, as well as circular functions) so we revised that. Luckily it helped some with the SAC. I think I'll get an okay mark. I don't wanna jinx it, lol.
Maths tutoring...
So I had Maths tutoring yesterday, & it went for 2.5 - 3hrs! After that I worked on my SAC. Then I ate... I ended up starving by the end of it! But with tutoring, we covered all of Week 9 (this week beginning Monday) & it was relatively short. Basically just the "tangent function" & some odd thing where you add intercepts to come up with an in-between graph. F**k knows why you'd want to, but, yeah. I learned that. Also, I hate circular functions, I hate graphs, so the "tangent function" is irritating. It's a graph that's circular functions. I guess I just hate graphs & circular functions because I'm not that good at them!
So after resting today, then sending my work off on Monday, I'll attempt the SEND tasks for Week 9 on Tuesday, maybe. If I don't get sick, & everything goes according to plan, I should be on track until the next SAC. It's on differentiation. (Calculus...) I like it more than graphs, that's for sure!
Sleep...
I've been trying to go to bed between midnight & 1am for the past week or something, but, as you can see, tonight, I ceebz. I'm wide awake, it's almost 2.30am, & there were some really good shows taped on the Foxtel iQ. Plus I wanted to stay up until I wasn't dizzy/feeling sick/had a headache from overdoing it yesterday with all that maths! I've tried reading to make me sleepy; no matter what I read, whether it's tax law, news sites, actual newspapers, novels, Shakespeare, poetry, blogs, medical information I've printed off, medical sites, blogs; anything, it doesn't help me sleep. Sometimes just watching tv or DVDs on my laptop until I'm sleepy works. That's why it's great having all those Skins & The OC DVDs! But I am hoping to get a serious sleep pattern going soon, in anticipation of exams & (hopefully) school & graduation next year. I still want a decent ENTER, but right now, I'll settle for getting back to school!
Goodnight!
Well, it's nearly 2.30am, so I'm going to try & sleep now. I love it when anyone posts a comment, or gives feedback. It's nice to know people out there are actually reading this, & some of you understand. I've since downloaded a lot more apps for my iPhone, so there are heaps of things to keep me occupied when I can't sleep, am bored during the day, or want to multi task... Watch tv & use an iPhone. =p Also, is it just me, or are The Killers mentioned in the song "Boys Boys Boys" by Lady GaGa? I could swear they are. Then again, I have ME/CFS induced brain fog!! Hope anyone who reads this is well... Or as well as possible. =)
Saturday, April 10, 2010
iPhone!!!!
iPhone!!!!
I got an iPhone today!! I'm so excited!!! It's a black, 32GB iPhone. It's awesome, but I only spent about 10mins using it; then I put a protective screen cover on it, & you're supposed to wait 12hrs before you turn it on. I put it on at 2.50pm. It's now 4.30pm, so I may just wait 6hrs. That way I can load some apps on to it tonight! One of my friends recommended Echofon for a Twitter app, & suggested I get a Facebook app. Any other suggestions for games/apps I should get? My brother loves something called "Doodle jump" ... Or something. Don't quote me on that. There's also a horrific app where you can kill a cartoon bunny. As a 13-year-old boy, he loves that app. lol.
It took a lot of persuasion, from me & my mum, but my father finally caved in; we ended his contract a couple of months early, paid an exit fee, then used my sim card for the iPhone, so I've still got the same number, just my father has the more expensive plan. =o (His is a $39 cap + $14 for the iPhone per month, mine is a $29 cap + $8 of 500MB internet/data use per month.) My mum argued that seeing as I'm up all hours, & am at home, don't cost much (you know, I don't go out, so no expensive shoes, dresses, concert tickets, whatever) it'd be a great thing to occupy me. Plus I deserve it. =p And a lot of my friends have them. When it was first released, my contract had expired, but my father said it was too expensive to get. (It was, it was probably a $69 cap per month + $$ for the iPhone!) So now it's cheaper, I have less to think about, like if I forget my iPod, I have my iPhone, & I don't have to constantly restart my phone to get access to internet at 3am. It can access the home wi-fi. =D I can't wait to find out all the features & apps I can get!!
Maths...
I had tutoring at 9.30am today, last night I went on a Starlight escape to a comedian's show, & I didn't get to sleep until about 1.40am, woke at 6am, & didn't sleep again. So I went on Twitter, complained. (As always! =p) Then after a few hours I got up, took my meds, had a shower, had breakfast & got ready. I went pretty well; we've nearly finished week 7, so I'm up to date in that sense, but as for the SEND tasks, I'm up to... Week 5, which I've just started. My SAC should arrive on Monday, & I have all week to do it, (well, I only have 50mins for it, but I can do it any day, or over a few days) & tutoring is on the weekend, when we'll start on week 8. I just hope I can catch up to week 7 before next weekend. I did ring my teacher. (Well, my mum rang my teacher, who called me.) She said I can do half the SEND tasks if I want, use my calculator, & skip the analysis questions, unless I think I can do them quickly. I just need to send in enough work from each week to show that I grasp the concepts. I really do wish my work hadn't been so late. It's not like I need any more stress!
Doctor Who
The Easter episode of Doctor Who is airing on iView (on the ABC's site) on the 16/04, & it's on tv on the 18/04!! I'm really interested. I want to see what sort of a Doctor Matt Smith will be, & I'm willing to give him a decent chance. But David Tennant will always be my Doctor! I've heard he's quite quirky, which sounds good. A Doctor like Christopher Eccleston's takes a lot of adjustment. But he could be funny, at times, which I liked.
I downloaded a whole lot of awesome desktops/backgrounds/wallpapers the other night; all of the 10th Doctor. I picked the ones that look amazing, or mean something to me, because of the image or the quote. They've got great imagery with quotes & all sorts of things! It's amazing how much great stuff is on Google images. Other wallpapers are just awesome because it's the 10th Doctor. =p
Pain...
I'm in more pain, my back is pretty bad today because I haven't slept enough, haven't spent any time lying down since 8.30am, & have done a lot today. I went to one store nearby to get the protective screen cover & case for my iPhone, then went to the big shopping centre to get the iPhone. The main store had sold out (within 2hrs of me phoning) but the kiosk on the next level had some, so that was good. It was a lot of walking, though. Improving my posture hasn't improved my pain yet; it's still getting worse, & it's migrating. It used to always be severe lower back pain that radiated up my spine, now it can be in the middle of my spine or even in my neck. Or just my whole back & spine. It's really hard to cope with. Also, I had blurred vision the other night, which scared me, because it hasn't happened since I was on the Gabapentin. It went away eventually, & I still managed to do some maths hw, which was good. =)
Hello?
I don't know if anyone reads this anymore, because I'm not getting any comments... Seriously, I don't mind whether it's a recommendation for apps, how to layout my blog, or your experiences with ME/CFS; anything positive/constructive, really. I'm happy to hear it! I hope I am reaching someone, rather than just blogging for no reason.
I got an iPhone today!! I'm so excited!!! It's a black, 32GB iPhone. It's awesome, but I only spent about 10mins using it; then I put a protective screen cover on it, & you're supposed to wait 12hrs before you turn it on. I put it on at 2.50pm. It's now 4.30pm, so I may just wait 6hrs. That way I can load some apps on to it tonight! One of my friends recommended Echofon for a Twitter app, & suggested I get a Facebook app. Any other suggestions for games/apps I should get? My brother loves something called "Doodle jump" ... Or something. Don't quote me on that. There's also a horrific app where you can kill a cartoon bunny. As a 13-year-old boy, he loves that app. lol.
It took a lot of persuasion, from me & my mum, but my father finally caved in; we ended his contract a couple of months early, paid an exit fee, then used my sim card for the iPhone, so I've still got the same number, just my father has the more expensive plan. =o (His is a $39 cap + $14 for the iPhone per month, mine is a $29 cap + $8 of 500MB internet/data use per month.) My mum argued that seeing as I'm up all hours, & am at home, don't cost much (you know, I don't go out, so no expensive shoes, dresses, concert tickets, whatever) it'd be a great thing to occupy me. Plus I deserve it. =p And a lot of my friends have them. When it was first released, my contract had expired, but my father said it was too expensive to get. (It was, it was probably a $69 cap per month + $$ for the iPhone!) So now it's cheaper, I have less to think about, like if I forget my iPod, I have my iPhone, & I don't have to constantly restart my phone to get access to internet at 3am. It can access the home wi-fi. =D I can't wait to find out all the features & apps I can get!!
Maths...
I had tutoring at 9.30am today, last night I went on a Starlight escape to a comedian's show, & I didn't get to sleep until about 1.40am, woke at 6am, & didn't sleep again. So I went on Twitter, complained. (As always! =p) Then after a few hours I got up, took my meds, had a shower, had breakfast & got ready. I went pretty well; we've nearly finished week 7, so I'm up to date in that sense, but as for the SEND tasks, I'm up to... Week 5, which I've just started. My SAC should arrive on Monday, & I have all week to do it, (well, I only have 50mins for it, but I can do it any day, or over a few days) & tutoring is on the weekend, when we'll start on week 8. I just hope I can catch up to week 7 before next weekend. I did ring my teacher. (Well, my mum rang my teacher, who called me.) She said I can do half the SEND tasks if I want, use my calculator, & skip the analysis questions, unless I think I can do them quickly. I just need to send in enough work from each week to show that I grasp the concepts. I really do wish my work hadn't been so late. It's not like I need any more stress!
Doctor Who
The Easter episode of Doctor Who is airing on iView (on the ABC's site) on the 16/04, & it's on tv on the 18/04!! I'm really interested. I want to see what sort of a Doctor Matt Smith will be, & I'm willing to give him a decent chance. But David Tennant will always be my Doctor! I've heard he's quite quirky, which sounds good. A Doctor like Christopher Eccleston's takes a lot of adjustment. But he could be funny, at times, which I liked.
I downloaded a whole lot of awesome desktops/backgrounds/wallpapers the other night; all of the 10th Doctor. I picked the ones that look amazing, or mean something to me, because of the image or the quote. They've got great imagery with quotes & all sorts of things! It's amazing how much great stuff is on Google images. Other wallpapers are just awesome because it's the 10th Doctor. =p
Pain...
I'm in more pain, my back is pretty bad today because I haven't slept enough, haven't spent any time lying down since 8.30am, & have done a lot today. I went to one store nearby to get the protective screen cover & case for my iPhone, then went to the big shopping centre to get the iPhone. The main store had sold out (within 2hrs of me phoning) but the kiosk on the next level had some, so that was good. It was a lot of walking, though. Improving my posture hasn't improved my pain yet; it's still getting worse, & it's migrating. It used to always be severe lower back pain that radiated up my spine, now it can be in the middle of my spine or even in my neck. Or just my whole back & spine. It's really hard to cope with. Also, I had blurred vision the other night, which scared me, because it hasn't happened since I was on the Gabapentin. It went away eventually, & I still managed to do some maths hw, which was good. =)
Hello?
I don't know if anyone reads this anymore, because I'm not getting any comments... Seriously, I don't mind whether it's a recommendation for apps, how to layout my blog, or your experiences with ME/CFS; anything positive/constructive, really. I'm happy to hear it! I hope I am reaching someone, rather than just blogging for no reason.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Busy & stressed!
My past week:
On the 27/03 & 28/03 I had two hours of Maths tutoring each day to catch up; I'd missed the previous week's session because I went to see a movie with a friend, & it was my birthday that weekend. One of the worst ever. So it took me a while to recover from that. (In fact, I'm not sure I have recovered yet.)
On the 30/03 I had a dentist's appointment, which was exhausting & I also got my iPod fixed & looked at Sportsgirl.
Then on the 31/03 I had my first personal training session at the gym, which went well, but I was incredibly exhausted as my younger brother had a friend & the friend's younger brother at our place all day.
The next day (01/04) I had a hair cut/colour & it took a few hours, but it was nice to get out of the house & do something that didn't involve ME/CFS for once. Then I noticed a sale at Cotton On & the Bonds outlet, so I bought a loose top that matches my pajamas for $5 from Cotton On, a jacket & long sleeve t-shirt from the Bonds outlet. Then I was exhausted.
On Sunday (04/03) I went to the footy after an awful weekend, thanks to my father. I had a good time with my half-brother from Germany, his girlfriend & my family. (Excluding my father.) After the footy match we went to the Hilton to have a coffee & some snacks, then caught a taxi home.
My further exhaustion & feelings of being overwhelmed:
I got back at about 9.50pm last night, & had to shower & wash, dry, straighten my hair & do my Methods hw which I'd been too busy or wiped out to do all week. I've finally got all of week 1 ready to send in, & all of week 2 except for 1 question. Just 5 more weeks of work to be completed by the 11/04 & I'm set. Then I have a SAC the first week of term, but I'm allowed to take rest breaks, etc. plus my mum is supervising me. So that should quell some of my nerves/panic attacks/anxiety about exams/tests/SACs. I hope.
Sleep: (or lack thereof)
It's 4am & I haven't slept yet. My body is keeping me awake, despite the fact I've taken my meds, because it knows I have tutoring at 1pm, & my body thinks I'll oversleep. It's stupid. I need sleep for tutoring, so my body ensures I don't sleep before tutoring. It's torture & a waste of my valuable meds! I'm going to go insane from lack of sleep. I either get to sleep by 4am & wake every 10mins or get to sleep by 8am & wake every 30mins. Both are exhausting, both cannot be classified as sleep, & no one can help me. I'm on my own here. I've tried everything & nothing helps. Exercise seems to make it worse, stress obviously does & I'm stressed out of my mind.
So busy & so desperate to sleep:
I need to get to sleep!!! My half-brother from Germany & his girlfriend are coming over after tutoring for an early dinner & also so they can tell us about their trip through central Australia. I must study, I must pass, I must get a good mark, & I must return to school next year. The isolation is awful & so is being stuck at home. I just want the energy & ability to escape for a few days. I'm not coping anymore.
Expect another post soon, unless I get too sick to use my laptop again!
On the 27/03 & 28/03 I had two hours of Maths tutoring each day to catch up; I'd missed the previous week's session because I went to see a movie with a friend, & it was my birthday that weekend. One of the worst ever. So it took me a while to recover from that. (In fact, I'm not sure I have recovered yet.)
On the 30/03 I had a dentist's appointment, which was exhausting & I also got my iPod fixed & looked at Sportsgirl.
Then on the 31/03 I had my first personal training session at the gym, which went well, but I was incredibly exhausted as my younger brother had a friend & the friend's younger brother at our place all day.
The next day (01/04) I had a hair cut/colour & it took a few hours, but it was nice to get out of the house & do something that didn't involve ME/CFS for once. Then I noticed a sale at Cotton On & the Bonds outlet, so I bought a loose top that matches my pajamas for $5 from Cotton On, a jacket & long sleeve t-shirt from the Bonds outlet. Then I was exhausted.
On Sunday (04/03) I went to the footy after an awful weekend, thanks to my father. I had a good time with my half-brother from Germany, his girlfriend & my family. (Excluding my father.) After the footy match we went to the Hilton to have a coffee & some snacks, then caught a taxi home.
My further exhaustion & feelings of being overwhelmed:
I got back at about 9.50pm last night, & had to shower & wash, dry, straighten my hair & do my Methods hw which I'd been too busy or wiped out to do all week. I've finally got all of week 1 ready to send in, & all of week 2 except for 1 question. Just 5 more weeks of work to be completed by the 11/04 & I'm set. Then I have a SAC the first week of term, but I'm allowed to take rest breaks, etc. plus my mum is supervising me. So that should quell some of my nerves/panic attacks/anxiety about exams/tests/SACs. I hope.
Sleep: (or lack thereof)
It's 4am & I haven't slept yet. My body is keeping me awake, despite the fact I've taken my meds, because it knows I have tutoring at 1pm, & my body thinks I'll oversleep. It's stupid. I need sleep for tutoring, so my body ensures I don't sleep before tutoring. It's torture & a waste of my valuable meds! I'm going to go insane from lack of sleep. I either get to sleep by 4am & wake every 10mins or get to sleep by 8am & wake every 30mins. Both are exhausting, both cannot be classified as sleep, & no one can help me. I'm on my own here. I've tried everything & nothing helps. Exercise seems to make it worse, stress obviously does & I'm stressed out of my mind.
So busy & so desperate to sleep:
I need to get to sleep!!! My half-brother from Germany & his girlfriend are coming over after tutoring for an early dinner & also so they can tell us about their trip through central Australia. I must study, I must pass, I must get a good mark, & I must return to school next year. The isolation is awful & so is being stuck at home. I just want the energy & ability to escape for a few days. I'm not coping anymore.
Expect another post soon, unless I get too sick to use my laptop again!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
iMac
YAY!! ...... Oh, crap..... Oooh, cool.
We finally have a functioning computer!! I've never had a mac before, but we've now got an iMac as the family computer; though I've been on it all night! (That's the "YAY!!") I'm so excited to have new music, but panicked that my iPod won't fully sync, it keeps saying: "The iPod "Alex's iPod" cannot be synced. The required file cannot be found." (That's the "Oh, crap.") It's, like, 1am, & I'm so stressed, annoyed & confused. I bought $110 worth of music, & not all of it may have synced. Oh, btw, it's not my pension being spent on Rammstein, Lady GaGa P!nk, blur & more, it's my Christmas & birthday iTunes vouchers. I have about $10 left, I think. I've been making a list of songs I want ever since our pc decided it wouldn't co-operate with iTunes. (It did this by taking 15mins to open iTunes, then crash when I clicked anything at all.) It was a very manipulative PC. lol!! Oh, the iMac has a WEBCAM!! (That's the "Oooh, cool" bit.) It has this thing called Photo Booth, & you can take pics using aforementioned webcam with various effects & backgrounds. It's awesome, but it also means I'll know how to look halfway decent in actual pics. Practice should make decent. (I'd rather perfect, but I'll never look perfect in a pic!!!) Seriously, I'm not photogenic. I may have to take my iPod to the store & see what the problem is. Must ask mum when she can take me. That is, if the iTunes updates don't fix the problem.
Woo-hoo!!
I read in the paper (well, the newspaper's site on my mobile) that 'The Simpsons' vocab has entered ours. But the "woo-hoo!" part is that I'm finally over my virus, my second in three weeks, & should receive info from my distance education teacher soon about how many 'send' exercises & reviews I must complete. I really hope I can stay in Methods this year, & graduate next year, I really don't want to get worse. I slept rather well last night, luckily. I got 4hrs' sleep without waking! Then the iMac was installed yesterday afternoon, & I spent all evening up until now, pretty much, on the iMac, buying music, making playlists & generally having as much fun as I can possibly have, being me. Also, with the thing about posture supposedly improving my pain levels; it's not. It's so much worse!! But I'm gonna keep going, to either improve, or prove my specialist wrong. I love doing that. *evil grin*
Goodnight...
Well, it's about 1.10am now, so I should check on the progress of the iTunes downloads, & go to bed. Rest my aching bones & all that. =p Also, I'm seriously devastated about Skins. A whole new cast for series 5?! But the site says series 4 is available on DVD; I'm hoping they mean worldwide, but it's unlikely. As ever, I live in hope! Goodnight. =)
We finally have a functioning computer!! I've never had a mac before, but we've now got an iMac as the family computer; though I've been on it all night! (That's the "YAY!!") I'm so excited to have new music, but panicked that my iPod won't fully sync, it keeps saying: "The iPod "Alex's iPod" cannot be synced. The required file cannot be found." (That's the "Oh, crap.") It's, like, 1am, & I'm so stressed, annoyed & confused. I bought $110 worth of music, & not all of it may have synced. Oh, btw, it's not my pension being spent on Rammstein, Lady GaGa P!nk, blur & more, it's my Christmas & birthday iTunes vouchers. I have about $10 left, I think. I've been making a list of songs I want ever since our pc decided it wouldn't co-operate with iTunes. (It did this by taking 15mins to open iTunes, then crash when I clicked anything at all.) It was a very manipulative PC. lol!! Oh, the iMac has a WEBCAM!! (That's the "Oooh, cool" bit.) It has this thing called Photo Booth, & you can take pics using aforementioned webcam with various effects & backgrounds. It's awesome, but it also means I'll know how to look halfway decent in actual pics. Practice should make decent. (I'd rather perfect, but I'll never look perfect in a pic!!!) Seriously, I'm not photogenic. I may have to take my iPod to the store & see what the problem is. Must ask mum when she can take me. That is, if the iTunes updates don't fix the problem.
Woo-hoo!!
I read in the paper (well, the newspaper's site on my mobile) that 'The Simpsons' vocab has entered ours. But the "woo-hoo!" part is that I'm finally over my virus, my second in three weeks, & should receive info from my distance education teacher soon about how many 'send' exercises & reviews I must complete. I really hope I can stay in Methods this year, & graduate next year, I really don't want to get worse. I slept rather well last night, luckily. I got 4hrs' sleep without waking! Then the iMac was installed yesterday afternoon, & I spent all evening up until now, pretty much, on the iMac, buying music, making playlists & generally having as much fun as I can possibly have, being me. Also, with the thing about posture supposedly improving my pain levels; it's not. It's so much worse!! But I'm gonna keep going, to either improve, or prove my specialist wrong. I love doing that. *evil grin*
Goodnight...
Well, it's about 1.10am now, so I should check on the progress of the iTunes downloads, & go to bed. Rest my aching bones & all that. =p Also, I'm seriously devastated about Skins. A whole new cast for series 5?! But the site says series 4 is available on DVD; I'm hoping they mean worldwide, but it's unlikely. As ever, I live in hope! Goodnight. =)
Sunday, March 28, 2010
STRESS!!
Distance education...
My mum rang up the Year 12 co-ordinator for distance education during the week, to ask when I'd be getting a schedule, or some SACs, etc. I then found out I was 7 weeks behind, & the start pack (coursebooks, guides, CD-ROM, etc.) had been sent to us in FEBRUARY, but never arrived. Fail. So I got hyper stressed & had a panic attack. It wasn't until my teacher called me the next day (the 24th) & I explained what I'd covered that I found out I wasn't really 7 weeks behind, I was just missing some key areas: graphs, because they hadn't been covered in the textbook yet. So she said to do the 'send' exercises, & if I had any problems, to look at the coursebooks & explanations, then call/email her if I needed further clarification. The thick coursebook is divided in to weeks (as in weeks of a term) & each week you need to do all the exercises & refer to the thinner coursebook for algebra consolidation exercises & send in the 'send' algebra review exercise(s) & the 'send' work at the end of the chapter. The 'send' at the end of the chapter is 2 - 3 pages long, usually, & there are looooong analysis questions, too. I've nearly finished all of weeks 1 & 2, & have made a start on week 3. I also emailed my teacher to find out how many of the 'send' exercises I need to complete & send in. Otherwise it's waaaaaay too much work for a 2 week holiday break. So stressful!! ... This is a pic of all the work that arrived: http://twitpic.com/1ae3ep
Another virus...
I caught another virus last Monday, probably because when mum went to the gym, her personal trainer was really sick, so I caught it, as I have a really low immune system. (EBV + ME/CFS + secondary infection = low immune system) It was awful. I felt like I usually do (chills, running a fever, aches & pains, headache) but 100x worse & I had a really sore throat that just wouldn't go away, plus I had 'the sniffles'. Badly. I'm still feeling a bit under the weather now, but my tutor noticed the difference in my appearance on Sunday, as opposed to on Saturday. (I'd improved; my voice was more normal.) Imagine if she'd seen me on Wednesday! =o
Flu vaccinations...
I can't get the 'flu shot, because it lays me low, or makes me exhausted/sick for at least 1.5 weeks afterwards. That's a luxury I cannot afford in Year 12. Seeing as I'm practically housebound, I don't need the vaccination, plus with a low immune system, it's recommended in a lot of countries that you shouldn't get the swine flu vaccination unless you work/study, etc. in high-risk areas, like schools, or hospitals. So I may have to get it next year, but I'll ensure I get it on the hols. No reason to fall behind in SACs & work if it can be avoided. I really hope there is a "next year", though. I want to go back to school & graduate so badly that I can't quite explain it in words! I just have to improve & must graduate. Then I can stress about uni. (lol!)
The week ahead...
If all goes well, I'm going to the gym (to see a personal trainer, finally) on Wednesday afternoon, having my hair cut Thursday afternoon, & possibly going to Ikea to get a new wardrobe. Possibly. (I also don't know if we have to get my shelf taken down so the wardrobe will fit. My current wardrobe doesn't fit all my stuff, & isn't great.) Then on Saturday, I have maths tutoring again in the afternoon. (I had it Saturday, and today this week, to make up for last week's missed lesson.) I love Ikea's cafeteria. Particularly the free refills for soft drinks. =D It'd be a nice outing.
My mum rang up the Year 12 co-ordinator for distance education during the week, to ask when I'd be getting a schedule, or some SACs, etc. I then found out I was 7 weeks behind, & the start pack (coursebooks, guides, CD-ROM, etc.) had been sent to us in FEBRUARY, but never arrived. Fail. So I got hyper stressed & had a panic attack. It wasn't until my teacher called me the next day (the 24th) & I explained what I'd covered that I found out I wasn't really 7 weeks behind, I was just missing some key areas: graphs, because they hadn't been covered in the textbook yet. So she said to do the 'send' exercises, & if I had any problems, to look at the coursebooks & explanations, then call/email her if I needed further clarification. The thick coursebook is divided in to weeks (as in weeks of a term) & each week you need to do all the exercises & refer to the thinner coursebook for algebra consolidation exercises & send in the 'send' algebra review exercise(s) & the 'send' work at the end of the chapter. The 'send' at the end of the chapter is 2 - 3 pages long, usually, & there are looooong analysis questions, too. I've nearly finished all of weeks 1 & 2, & have made a start on week 3. I also emailed my teacher to find out how many of the 'send' exercises I need to complete & send in. Otherwise it's waaaaaay too much work for a 2 week holiday break. So stressful!! ... This is a pic of all the work that arrived: http://twitpic.com/1ae3ep
Another virus...
I caught another virus last Monday, probably because when mum went to the gym, her personal trainer was really sick, so I caught it, as I have a really low immune system. (EBV + ME/CFS + secondary infection = low immune system) It was awful. I felt like I usually do (chills, running a fever, aches & pains, headache) but 100x worse & I had a really sore throat that just wouldn't go away, plus I had 'the sniffles'. Badly. I'm still feeling a bit under the weather now, but my tutor noticed the difference in my appearance on Sunday, as opposed to on Saturday. (I'd improved; my voice was more normal.) Imagine if she'd seen me on Wednesday! =o
Flu vaccinations...
I can't get the 'flu shot, because it lays me low, or makes me exhausted/sick for at least 1.5 weeks afterwards. That's a luxury I cannot afford in Year 12. Seeing as I'm practically housebound, I don't need the vaccination, plus with a low immune system, it's recommended in a lot of countries that you shouldn't get the swine flu vaccination unless you work/study, etc. in high-risk areas, like schools, or hospitals. So I may have to get it next year, but I'll ensure I get it on the hols. No reason to fall behind in SACs & work if it can be avoided. I really hope there is a "next year", though. I want to go back to school & graduate so badly that I can't quite explain it in words! I just have to improve & must graduate. Then I can stress about uni. (lol!)
The week ahead...
If all goes well, I'm going to the gym (to see a personal trainer, finally) on Wednesday afternoon, having my hair cut Thursday afternoon, & possibly going to Ikea to get a new wardrobe. Possibly. (I also don't know if we have to get my shelf taken down so the wardrobe will fit. My current wardrobe doesn't fit all my stuff, & isn't great.) Then on Saturday, I have maths tutoring again in the afternoon. (I had it Saturday, and today this week, to make up for last week's missed lesson.) I love Ikea's cafeteria. Particularly the free refills for soft drinks. =D It'd be a nice outing.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
'Alice In Wonderland'
'Alice In Wonderland'
Yesterday I finally got out of the house, & went to see 'Alice In Wonderland' with a friend I met during my August admission to hospital last year. I thought it was a great film & the special effects were amazing. Johnny Depp was brilliant as the Mad Hatter... He does mad so well! I thought the actress who played Alice did a really good job, too, although her face was a little emotionless or blank at times. I didn't see it in 3D - it gives my mum & younger brother migraines, & made me sick the last time I saw anything in 3D. It was amazing to go out with someone around my age, instead of being stuck inside, or only going out to get clothes with my mum. Hopefully I can do it again sometime soon, I know that today I'm really achey & tired.
19 today...
Today was my 19th birthday. To be honest, I don't feel any older, but I think that might be because I haven't had a chance to be a teenager. My life pretty much stopped at 13. I can't even get my learner's permit; because of the years of sleep problems/deprivation, I could fall asleep at the wheel. Then there's the part where I can't focus on Methods some days, never mind a road with multiple distractions, plus learning to drive. I think if you wait until you're 21 to try for your learner's, the whole process of getting your license is fast-tracked considerably. So I might just do that, unless I magically improve. This has been my worst birthday... ever. The last time I was this sick was when I was 14, bed-bound or hospitalised. All my friends are at uni, & I'm stuck here, doing distance education. Things suck at home, too. (I'm not going to talk about it here.) ... I don't want to get any older. There's no point. I just get older & have nothing to show for it. I've really had it with ME/CFS. I never thought I'd get this bad, again.
Presents...
I'd asked for it not to be a birthday this year, so no presents, or cake, etc. But my mum went ahead & got me an iTunes voucher, 2 really pretty pill containers (they have flowers on them, each is a different shade of blue) & a voucher for my local shopping centre, so I can spend it at any store! Oh, & a Kinder Surprise egg. I used to love those when I was little!! My brother got me an iTunes voucher, too, & they both wrote really lovely things in the cards. My father couldn't have forgotten it was my birthday, but took a sheet of A4 paper, folded it in half, wrote 'Happy Birthday' on the front, & said he knew I'd get better, because I was so determined, & that he was sorry he couldn't help. I wasn't annoyed about the fact that he could've got me a card, or a present, (I asked for a happy, argument free day, which didn't happen) it was that he didn't realise that he can help. By reducing the stress. I say it every week. I guess you can't get through to some people. My half-brother from Germany also got me a present. It's a German picture-story book. I will find the energy to figure out what it says; translating the birthday card was tiring enough! (It's got a lot of words...)
Doctor's appointment
My specialist thinks things will improve dramatically as soon as I stop stressing & stop having panic attacks. (Should that read: "being put under so much stress"?) She also thinks that my back pain will be fixed by me sitting up straight. Which is BS, although I'm trying it, purely to prove her wrong, AGAIN. That's what she said when I was 14, so I improved my posture by 15, but when I get worse, my posture gets worse. I literally do not have the strength to hold myself upright. I've exhausted all my options for pain relief, & my scoliosis is still "mild"... But I just wish someone would listen when I say "The only thing that stopped this pain was an injection of morphine when I was 9 years old. The pain disappeared for months, only to reappear the following year, & worsen as my ME/CFS worsened. Uninterrupted sleep is the only thing that helps." She laughed when I explained I was worried about being sick & dependent on the disability pension in 20 years' time. It's not funny, but she thinks it's ridiculous I should worry about my future. If I've seen all the specialists, tried all the regimes, & nothing has helped, not to mention the fact that my specialist admits she doesn't know what to do anymore, why shouldn't I worry? I'm not getting better. I wanted a life, I wanted to go to uni & study Law. Now I might just be stuck in this house forever.
Finally...
I guess that's it. A pretty depressing post, but there isn't much to my life anymore. It all gets consumed by ME/CFS. I haven't even finished last week's Methods homework, & my tutor might assign me more via Facebook to make up for the fact we couldn't have a session this weekend. I might check if Skins has loaded yet. I think it's the series final.
Yesterday I finally got out of the house, & went to see 'Alice In Wonderland' with a friend I met during my August admission to hospital last year. I thought it was a great film & the special effects were amazing. Johnny Depp was brilliant as the Mad Hatter... He does mad so well! I thought the actress who played Alice did a really good job, too, although her face was a little emotionless or blank at times. I didn't see it in 3D - it gives my mum & younger brother migraines, & made me sick the last time I saw anything in 3D. It was amazing to go out with someone around my age, instead of being stuck inside, or only going out to get clothes with my mum. Hopefully I can do it again sometime soon, I know that today I'm really achey & tired.
19 today...
Today was my 19th birthday. To be honest, I don't feel any older, but I think that might be because I haven't had a chance to be a teenager. My life pretty much stopped at 13. I can't even get my learner's permit; because of the years of sleep problems/deprivation, I could fall asleep at the wheel. Then there's the part where I can't focus on Methods some days, never mind a road with multiple distractions, plus learning to drive. I think if you wait until you're 21 to try for your learner's, the whole process of getting your license is fast-tracked considerably. So I might just do that, unless I magically improve. This has been my worst birthday... ever. The last time I was this sick was when I was 14, bed-bound or hospitalised. All my friends are at uni, & I'm stuck here, doing distance education. Things suck at home, too. (I'm not going to talk about it here.) ... I don't want to get any older. There's no point. I just get older & have nothing to show for it. I've really had it with ME/CFS. I never thought I'd get this bad, again.
Presents...
I'd asked for it not to be a birthday this year, so no presents, or cake, etc. But my mum went ahead & got me an iTunes voucher, 2 really pretty pill containers (they have flowers on them, each is a different shade of blue) & a voucher for my local shopping centre, so I can spend it at any store! Oh, & a Kinder Surprise egg. I used to love those when I was little!! My brother got me an iTunes voucher, too, & they both wrote really lovely things in the cards. My father couldn't have forgotten it was my birthday, but took a sheet of A4 paper, folded it in half, wrote 'Happy Birthday' on the front, & said he knew I'd get better, because I was so determined, & that he was sorry he couldn't help. I wasn't annoyed about the fact that he could've got me a card, or a present, (I asked for a happy, argument free day, which didn't happen) it was that he didn't realise that he can help. By reducing the stress. I say it every week. I guess you can't get through to some people. My half-brother from Germany also got me a present. It's a German picture-story book. I will find the energy to figure out what it says; translating the birthday card was tiring enough! (It's got a lot of words...)
Doctor's appointment
My specialist thinks things will improve dramatically as soon as I stop stressing & stop having panic attacks. (Should that read: "being put under so much stress"?) She also thinks that my back pain will be fixed by me sitting up straight. Which is BS, although I'm trying it, purely to prove her wrong, AGAIN. That's what she said when I was 14, so I improved my posture by 15, but when I get worse, my posture gets worse. I literally do not have the strength to hold myself upright. I've exhausted all my options for pain relief, & my scoliosis is still "mild"... But I just wish someone would listen when I say "The only thing that stopped this pain was an injection of morphine when I was 9 years old. The pain disappeared for months, only to reappear the following year, & worsen as my ME/CFS worsened. Uninterrupted sleep is the only thing that helps." She laughed when I explained I was worried about being sick & dependent on the disability pension in 20 years' time. It's not funny, but she thinks it's ridiculous I should worry about my future. If I've seen all the specialists, tried all the regimes, & nothing has helped, not to mention the fact that my specialist admits she doesn't know what to do anymore, why shouldn't I worry? I'm not getting better. I wanted a life, I wanted to go to uni & study Law. Now I might just be stuck in this house forever.
Finally...
I guess that's it. A pretty depressing post, but there isn't much to my life anymore. It all gets consumed by ME/CFS. I haven't even finished last week's Methods homework, & my tutor might assign me more via Facebook to make up for the fact we couldn't have a session this weekend. I might check if Skins has loaded yet. I think it's the series final.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Colds.
A cold after a few hours out...
After I went shopping I managed to catch a cold/virus. I've been sick all week, with chills, a fever, sore throat, no appetite & loads of aches & pains. I did a bit of my Methods homework, but I'm finding it really difficult. I'll ask my tutor to go through it again on Monday. I figure I'll be completely exhausted for a while afterwards, but I just can't afford it. If only I'd got this bug on the holidays!
Methods & the future...
I'm finding Methods more difficult every week. I really hope I can get okay grades, but it's a struggle to just do the homework. I'm not sure how I'm meant to return to school again next year, for two subjects, but I try not to think about that. I need to get through Year 12. It's not like I got ME/CFS after high school, or after uni. Right now, I have no qualifications. That's hard to live with, especially with all my friends now at uni.
Exhaustion & stress...
I'm incredibly stressed, & that doesn't help, but it's scary to contemplate being stuck in bed & the same house for the rest of your life. I still don't sleep well. I found a letter from my GP saying that at age 11 I was complaining of getting to sleep at around 11pm - 12am & waking at 3am, staying awake for a few hours. So that's at least 8 years' worth of sleep disturbances. I can't imagine what it's done to my memory, etc. I just hope it's reversible. I don't want to get any worse... Anyway, I'm too tired to write any more, so I guess that's it. =\
After I went shopping I managed to catch a cold/virus. I've been sick all week, with chills, a fever, sore throat, no appetite & loads of aches & pains. I did a bit of my Methods homework, but I'm finding it really difficult. I'll ask my tutor to go through it again on Monday. I figure I'll be completely exhausted for a while afterwards, but I just can't afford it. If only I'd got this bug on the holidays!
Methods & the future...
I'm finding Methods more difficult every week. I really hope I can get okay grades, but it's a struggle to just do the homework. I'm not sure how I'm meant to return to school again next year, for two subjects, but I try not to think about that. I need to get through Year 12. It's not like I got ME/CFS after high school, or after uni. Right now, I have no qualifications. That's hard to live with, especially with all my friends now at uni.
Exhaustion & stress...
I'm incredibly stressed, & that doesn't help, but it's scary to contemplate being stuck in bed & the same house for the rest of your life. I still don't sleep well. I found a letter from my GP saying that at age 11 I was complaining of getting to sleep at around 11pm - 12am & waking at 3am, staying awake for a few hours. So that's at least 8 years' worth of sleep disturbances. I can't imagine what it's done to my memory, etc. I just hope it's reversible. I don't want to get any worse... Anyway, I'm too tired to write any more, so I guess that's it. =\
Monday, March 1, 2010
I fail at Maths.
Maths homework...
I tried to do my Methods homework during the week, but the two nights I was able to do so, my younger brother had homework. He took 4 hours to do it. It's his first year of high school, so he's not used to homework, being assigned books, having a diary/planner, etc. So I had to do nearly all of it on Saturday. I did most of it, but ran into trouble with a few questions. I misread one question to do with polynomials, and expanded it, instead of giving the number of terms in the equation or something. So that's a fail. Then, I spent HOURS doing another binomial expansion question (it actually needed expanding) only to find I had the wrong answer. So I showed my tutor yesterday, she looked at the answer for a minute, & went: "They wrote it the opposite way! See, we'll go through it, I bet you got it right!" I did. I just fail for not checking how my textbook decides to write solutions.
Maths tutoring...
So yesterday we covered 1.2 (Systems of linear equations) & began 1.3 (Algebra of exponential & logarithmic functions) in my textbook. Systems of linear equations in two unknowns, parallel & coincident lines, simultaneous linear equtions in more than two unknowns, matrix representation of systems of linear equations, inconsistent systems & laws of logarithms & changing the base of logarithms. (The last two were from 1.3) I found it harder than last week, but my tutor thinks I'm still doing well, it's just that I always assume I'm wrong with my working out or answers, so I waste more time, & get anxious, too. I'm a perfectionist, which isn't good when Maths isn't your strong suit. I think my brain took most of it in. I really hope it did; I just know that I was wiped out & so was my tutor after 2.5 hours of Methods! I have quite a lot of homework again, plus some extra in case I "get bored." I'm not sure that I'll become bored enough to do that homework! =P I plan to copy out the notes & examples into my new exercise book on Tuesday, as per last week. Hopefully I can make a start on the homework, then, too.
New clothes...
So I'm planning to go & get a new pair of jeans & some t-shirts tomorrow. It hinges on whether I sleep well, & my pain levels when I get up at 11am... ish. I realised that a lot of my t-shirts were black/worn, & I've had nearly all of them for 2+ years! (Except for the 3 I bought at the Bonds outlet.) My jeans are two years old, & they are wearing thin, so it's best to get another pair before my jeans actually wear out! Plus I like buying things, it doesn't matter how small. It could be some nice pens, or a hat, anything, really, because it gets me out of the house & takes my mind off my disability.
Finally...
I guess that's about it. Not much happens in my life, apart from study. I tried to watch the new episode of Skins, but can't get it to play past 43mins, the episode is 46mins long. I'm hoping I haven't missed much. I figure I can catch up next week! I'm getting consistently worse, so my mum will try to make an "emergency" appointment with my specialist. We have a lot to discuss. I'm worried about my brain, & how it will function if I improve or ever recover. How does it recover from years & years of sleep deprivation? I know my memory is getting worse; I can have my house keys in my hand, but not remember what they're called, or what they do when I'm having a really bad day. Or else my eyes ache, I feel like I've got the flu, & my spine has excruciating pain radiating outwards, & upwards unless I lie down in bed or sleep. No painkiller will dull the pain enough for me to function. I just have to get myself together, get referrals, & sort some of this crap out. Anyway, that's about it from me, I'm going to try & sleep now!
I tried to do my Methods homework during the week, but the two nights I was able to do so, my younger brother had homework. He took 4 hours to do it. It's his first year of high school, so he's not used to homework, being assigned books, having a diary/planner, etc. So I had to do nearly all of it on Saturday. I did most of it, but ran into trouble with a few questions. I misread one question to do with polynomials, and expanded it, instead of giving the number of terms in the equation or something. So that's a fail. Then, I spent HOURS doing another binomial expansion question (it actually needed expanding) only to find I had the wrong answer. So I showed my tutor yesterday, she looked at the answer for a minute, & went: "They wrote it the opposite way! See, we'll go through it, I bet you got it right!" I did. I just fail for not checking how my textbook decides to write solutions.
Maths tutoring...
So yesterday we covered 1.2 (Systems of linear equations) & began 1.3 (Algebra of exponential & logarithmic functions) in my textbook. Systems of linear equations in two unknowns, parallel & coincident lines, simultaneous linear equtions in more than two unknowns, matrix representation of systems of linear equations, inconsistent systems & laws of logarithms & changing the base of logarithms. (The last two were from 1.3) I found it harder than last week, but my tutor thinks I'm still doing well, it's just that I always assume I'm wrong with my working out or answers, so I waste more time, & get anxious, too. I'm a perfectionist, which isn't good when Maths isn't your strong suit. I think my brain took most of it in. I really hope it did; I just know that I was wiped out & so was my tutor after 2.5 hours of Methods! I have quite a lot of homework again, plus some extra in case I "get bored." I'm not sure that I'll become bored enough to do that homework! =P I plan to copy out the notes & examples into my new exercise book on Tuesday, as per last week. Hopefully I can make a start on the homework, then, too.
New clothes...
So I'm planning to go & get a new pair of jeans & some t-shirts tomorrow. It hinges on whether I sleep well, & my pain levels when I get up at 11am... ish. I realised that a lot of my t-shirts were black/worn, & I've had nearly all of them for 2+ years! (Except for the 3 I bought at the Bonds outlet.) My jeans are two years old, & they are wearing thin, so it's best to get another pair before my jeans actually wear out! Plus I like buying things, it doesn't matter how small. It could be some nice pens, or a hat, anything, really, because it gets me out of the house & takes my mind off my disability.
Finally...
I guess that's about it. Not much happens in my life, apart from study. I tried to watch the new episode of Skins, but can't get it to play past 43mins, the episode is 46mins long. I'm hoping I haven't missed much. I figure I can catch up next week! I'm getting consistently worse, so my mum will try to make an "emergency" appointment with my specialist. We have a lot to discuss. I'm worried about my brain, & how it will function if I improve or ever recover. How does it recover from years & years of sleep deprivation? I know my memory is getting worse; I can have my house keys in my hand, but not remember what they're called, or what they do when I'm having a really bad day. Or else my eyes ache, I feel like I've got the flu, & my spine has excruciating pain radiating outwards, & upwards unless I lie down in bed or sleep. No painkiller will dull the pain enough for me to function. I just have to get myself together, get referrals, & sort some of this crap out. Anyway, that's about it from me, I'm going to try & sleep now!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Maths
Maths tutoring...
So, I had maths tutoring for the first time since last May, the whole 2.5hrs, and it went pretty well. Still on the first chapter, but it's slow work. Particularly the binomial expansions & Pascal's triangle. (Curse you, binomial expansions!! Pascal's triangle, too, so damn confusing!) I was doing really well (as my tutor said to me & my mum) particularly as I remembered polynomial division, without having revised it. I like polynomial division, when it's not a complex equation, it's almost relaxing. Like simple algebra, you can just do it almost without thinking. Or like me talking about my illness in German. Becoming second nature, lol. So 1.1 is "Algebra of polynomials", and I covered the remainder & factor theorems, long division of polynomials & factorisation, equality of polynomials, solution of polynomial equations, equations reducible to quadratics, equations involving higher degree polynomials & Pascal's triangle & binomial expansions. Then it's on to 1.2 next week: "Systems of simultaneous linear equations"... With matrices, yay.
Stationery & payback time...
I have one notebook from last year for notes & working out, but then I copy out the examples & notes into a new notebook, in nice colours. (Scents, too, they're Smiggle pens.) That should help me remember more of the equations! Methods is blue, so it's a blue display book, blue exercise books, blue pencil case & butterfly binder folder. My hand was soooooo sore after tutoring, though. I haven't really needed to use a pen for more than 10mins since my November exam! Of course, my back was killing me, too, as punishment for getting up early, (woke at 6am, didn't sleep again) studying & sitting upright. I expected it, & I don't think it was as bad as it could've been. I took Nurofen before tutoring, for a headache, which dulled the pain a little. Then I had to turn to my Panadeine Forte, which I ration incredibly strictly. I should really get a referral to an orthopedic surgeon for my back pain & scoliosis; I saw one when I was 9, but haven't seen one since. Everyone goes "Oh, you have ME/CFS" ... And dismisses the pain.
A new routine?
I'm considering trying to get up each day between 11am & midday, & trying an afternoon nap to catch up on sleep, then trying to go without the nap. I'll find out which works best, because I've found sleep hygeine & sleep regimes to be a bunch of BS. They didn't help, they made me worse, or had no effect, no matter how many months I stuck at it. I've got an appointment at the gym for my personal training session on Thursday afternoon, which I can hopefully attend. I need a new pair of jeans & some t-shirts; so that's another reason to get out of the house! I'm going to try to go out as often as I can, I'm going stir-crazy without school, not being able to catch up with friends, all of the stuff that comes with ME/CFS. Even if it's just down the street to go to a cafe for a drink with my mum, that'll do. It's awful being stuck indoors. Even if there's really good shows on tv.
The 10th Doctor, gone...
Last night was the second part of the "End Of Time" specials. David Tennant's Doctor regenerated. Into Matt Smith. I am debating between giving the guy a go as a Doctor (by that, I mean 1 episode) or refusing to accept that David Tennant has left, & reliving the series on DVD. Repeatedly. I like the sound of the latter... I heard a rumour they're changing the TARDIS, to go with a changed Doctor. I'm sorry, but YOU CANNOT DO THAT!!! It's the TARDIS, the blue police box, & it will not work any other way. On a similar note, why couldn't David Tennant have stayed for another year or two? Just 'till I graduated from high school. It was nice knowing I could escape for about an hour, once a week, with an eccentric character like the 10th Doctor. (Who reminds my mother of the 4th Doctor, Tom Baker!)
Is there some comfort despite the 10th Doctor being gone?
There's supposed to be another series of Torchwood on it's way, or in the works... That's a little comfort, I guess. But Captain Jack Harkness is no 10th Doctor. Plus, after all that happened in 'Children Of Earth', how will Torchwood continue, exactly? Will it suck, like The OC after they wrote Marissa Cooper out of it? Hope not. Also, I like to consider myself as someone who isn't obsessed with looks, but... Matt Smith, 11th Doctor? Where's the quirkiness, the looks, a cool outfit? (Damn, that trenchcoat the 10th Doctor wore was so cool. I would totally wear one. If I wasn't so short, housebound & didn't live in a country that doesn't require trenchcoats!) I loved the 10th Doctor on sight. I had to take an episode or two to like the 9th Doctor, but he's still a bit too serious & military-ish for my liking. Just... I don't know if it's because I'm attached to the 10th Doctor that I hate the 11th, or it's actually because I hate the 11th. Just because. *mildly confused*
Skins. Yes, again.
At least there's still Skins. Thankfully. I finally watched episode 4 last night; it took me trying at least 10 links, none of them working past the 6 minute mark, but I tried the first link again. It worked, though it took several hours to load. I pause, then wait for the whole episode (or most of it) to load, then watch. I'm interested as to what will happen with series 5 & 6... Will they use Freddie's younger sister, & introduce her friends? The way Effy was introduced in series 1 & 2, only to become a lead character in series 3 & 4? Can't wait until series 4 comes out on DVD, or airs in Australia. It'll be in much better quality than online streaming!!
And, finally, back to ME/CFS...
I know that if I can sleep for more than an hour at a time & get 5+ hours' of sleep per night, my memory will improve, as will my ability to learn new things. This will, of course, be of immense help for my Methods exams at the end of the year. Either way, I hope to manage something around a 37 (scaled) & to do better in my Humanities & Literature subjects next year. Maybe a 40 for Lit, a 38 for Legal Studies? It all depends on my illness. I know I could get all marks in the 40's if I wasn't sick. There's no question about that. I'm sick of my life being defined & dictated by this illness that so many people see as fake. Right now, it's the lack of sleep & pain that is driving me insane. I could cope with one or the other, but they go hand-in-hand. It makes for fun times. I hope I start to improve soon. I don't know if I can get any worse, & I do not want to find out.
So, I had maths tutoring for the first time since last May, the whole 2.5hrs, and it went pretty well. Still on the first chapter, but it's slow work. Particularly the binomial expansions & Pascal's triangle. (Curse you, binomial expansions!! Pascal's triangle, too, so damn confusing!) I was doing really well (as my tutor said to me & my mum) particularly as I remembered polynomial division, without having revised it. I like polynomial division, when it's not a complex equation, it's almost relaxing. Like simple algebra, you can just do it almost without thinking. Or like me talking about my illness in German. Becoming second nature, lol. So 1.1 is "Algebra of polynomials", and I covered the remainder & factor theorems, long division of polynomials & factorisation, equality of polynomials, solution of polynomial equations, equations reducible to quadratics, equations involving higher degree polynomials & Pascal's triangle & binomial expansions. Then it's on to 1.2 next week: "Systems of simultaneous linear equations"... With matrices, yay.
Stationery & payback time...
I have one notebook from last year for notes & working out, but then I copy out the examples & notes into a new notebook, in nice colours. (Scents, too, they're Smiggle pens.) That should help me remember more of the equations! Methods is blue, so it's a blue display book, blue exercise books, blue pencil case & butterfly binder folder. My hand was soooooo sore after tutoring, though. I haven't really needed to use a pen for more than 10mins since my November exam! Of course, my back was killing me, too, as punishment for getting up early, (woke at 6am, didn't sleep again) studying & sitting upright. I expected it, & I don't think it was as bad as it could've been. I took Nurofen before tutoring, for a headache, which dulled the pain a little. Then I had to turn to my Panadeine Forte, which I ration incredibly strictly. I should really get a referral to an orthopedic surgeon for my back pain & scoliosis; I saw one when I was 9, but haven't seen one since. Everyone goes "Oh, you have ME/CFS" ... And dismisses the pain.
A new routine?
I'm considering trying to get up each day between 11am & midday, & trying an afternoon nap to catch up on sleep, then trying to go without the nap. I'll find out which works best, because I've found sleep hygeine & sleep regimes to be a bunch of BS. They didn't help, they made me worse, or had no effect, no matter how many months I stuck at it. I've got an appointment at the gym for my personal training session on Thursday afternoon, which I can hopefully attend. I need a new pair of jeans & some t-shirts; so that's another reason to get out of the house! I'm going to try to go out as often as I can, I'm going stir-crazy without school, not being able to catch up with friends, all of the stuff that comes with ME/CFS. Even if it's just down the street to go to a cafe for a drink with my mum, that'll do. It's awful being stuck indoors. Even if there's really good shows on tv.
The 10th Doctor, gone...
Last night was the second part of the "End Of Time" specials. David Tennant's Doctor regenerated. Into Matt Smith. I am debating between giving the guy a go as a Doctor (by that, I mean 1 episode) or refusing to accept that David Tennant has left, & reliving the series on DVD. Repeatedly. I like the sound of the latter... I heard a rumour they're changing the TARDIS, to go with a changed Doctor. I'm sorry, but YOU CANNOT DO THAT!!! It's the TARDIS, the blue police box, & it will not work any other way. On a similar note, why couldn't David Tennant have stayed for another year or two? Just 'till I graduated from high school. It was nice knowing I could escape for about an hour, once a week, with an eccentric character like the 10th Doctor. (Who reminds my mother of the 4th Doctor, Tom Baker!)
Is there some comfort despite the 10th Doctor being gone?
There's supposed to be another series of Torchwood on it's way, or in the works... That's a little comfort, I guess. But Captain Jack Harkness is no 10th Doctor. Plus, after all that happened in 'Children Of Earth', how will Torchwood continue, exactly? Will it suck, like The OC after they wrote Marissa Cooper out of it? Hope not. Also, I like to consider myself as someone who isn't obsessed with looks, but... Matt Smith, 11th Doctor? Where's the quirkiness, the looks, a cool outfit? (Damn, that trenchcoat the 10th Doctor wore was so cool. I would totally wear one. If I wasn't so short, housebound & didn't live in a country that doesn't require trenchcoats!) I loved the 10th Doctor on sight. I had to take an episode or two to like the 9th Doctor, but he's still a bit too serious & military-ish for my liking. Just... I don't know if it's because I'm attached to the 10th Doctor that I hate the 11th, or it's actually because I hate the 11th. Just because. *mildly confused*
Skins. Yes, again.
At least there's still Skins. Thankfully. I finally watched episode 4 last night; it took me trying at least 10 links, none of them working past the 6 minute mark, but I tried the first link again. It worked, though it took several hours to load. I pause, then wait for the whole episode (or most of it) to load, then watch. I'm interested as to what will happen with series 5 & 6... Will they use Freddie's younger sister, & introduce her friends? The way Effy was introduced in series 1 & 2, only to become a lead character in series 3 & 4? Can't wait until series 4 comes out on DVD, or airs in Australia. It'll be in much better quality than online streaming!!
And, finally, back to ME/CFS...
I know that if I can sleep for more than an hour at a time & get 5+ hours' of sleep per night, my memory will improve, as will my ability to learn new things. This will, of course, be of immense help for my Methods exams at the end of the year. Either way, I hope to manage something around a 37 (scaled) & to do better in my Humanities & Literature subjects next year. Maybe a 40 for Lit, a 38 for Legal Studies? It all depends on my illness. I know I could get all marks in the 40's if I wasn't sick. There's no question about that. I'm sick of my life being defined & dictated by this illness that so many people see as fake. Right now, it's the lack of sleep & pain that is driving me insane. I could cope with one or the other, but they go hand-in-hand. It makes for fun times. I hope I start to improve soon. I don't know if I can get any worse, & I do not want to find out.
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