Sunday, July 11, 2010

Brain fog and study don't mix.

Yesterday afternoon I had maths tutoring from 2.15pm - 5pm. And it went well; my tutor understood that sometimes I'd zone out, or need things revised because of the pain I was in, but overall I grasped all the concepts from Week 3. (Integration.) It was the homework that was difficult. My calculator (a TI-89 Titanium) wouldn't co-operate for a graphing question that HAD to be done on the calculator, so I skipped that question entirely after fiddling with the 'window' settings for 20 minutes. I think by the time I'd started my homework, I was in so much pain (back pain as well as the pain from my braces) and so brain dead that I really wasn't in the best condition to be doing calculus. I had to read the questions 3 times before I understood them, and I'd confuse a) with c) and have to start all over again! I finally finished at around 7.30pm, and the homework is sitting in an envelope, addressed and ready to be mailed to my teacher tomorrow. Yes, I could try again another day, but I work best when the mathematical concepts are fresh in my mind - even if my mind is full of 'fog'. Besides, I hate making mistakes, or realising that I've made them. I always think I should have done better, even if I get an A+. But because it's maths, I'm just going to settle for an end-of-year pass mark. I can't fail, or else I won't be able to get into Accounting. (I'm desperate to study Arts, then Law, but if I'm still really sick... A safe government job is what I should go for.) So my week is pretty much free until I have tutoring again next Saturday!

I guess I thought I would sleep after studying for so long, being in so much pain all day, for days (which is exhausting) and washing, drying and straightening my hair (an exhausting task, which must be done every second day.) But I didn't sleep well. My younger brother was so hyper, he was banging on the bedroom walls and yelling until late at night (11.40pm) so even if I'd been able to go to bed at 10.30pm, I would've just become really stressed and felt sicker. I woke at 1am and 3.40am, and then slept fitfully until 6am. I have a really sore throat today, and have had one since I woke at 3.40am, so I got up at 6.30am to get ice cream! And then I got chills, then I felt like I was running a fever.

I'm just really not feeling well, and I think that the lack of sleep is making me sick. I've been up since 6.30am, pretty much, just lying down in between. I'm really nauseous, but can't take Ondansetron because it's being rationed for days when I'm doing something. (Like yesterday - study.) I did manage to change my bed linen today, but I've pretty much used up all my energy. And it's not even 1pm yet! I've spent a lot of time on my iPhone; on Tumblr, Twitter, and Facebook. That's basically my life: the internet and study. I stayed out of bed from 11am yesterday, and went to bed at 11pm, but I still slept terribly. I really think this "sleep hygeine" is useless for me. I'm going to nap if I can soon, because I feel really sick, and there's just not enough that I can do to keep myself occupied!

Comment if you have any suggestions for ways to use my time (NOT STUDY!!) or just want to say 'hi' ... I'm missing the comments! Thanks for reading!


  1. Hi, new to your blog, found you on Twitter, after many months of not being on there, a nice surprise!

    I am a little older than yourself, 42 to be exact, and have had M.E/CFS (or whatever they call it now!)for a little over 10years. I am sometimes in bad crashes, but at the moment I'm able to hold a part-time job.

    This brings it's own challenges, as I know trying to study does too!
    I find that in recent years my brain is one of my most debilitating symptoms.

    I tried to study at university about6yrs ago, but could not complete the course and had to leave. I could not read and remember anything, and got very stressed about the whole thing...

    It must be hard, but keep going girl! nice blog, i have one too,
    it's at

    take care,

  2. Thanks, and hi! It's great you're able to hold down a part time job. It must be really difficult, but it is still a major accomplishment. Maybe you'll be able to go back to uni one day? But if you don't want/need to, then why bother?! I'm hoping uni won't be too stressful for me. >.<

    Study is really difficult, and I really don't study as much as you're meant to in Year 12. For the month before my German exam, I got out of bed for 1.5hrs a week to study with a tutor. That was it! And yet I got a good mark. =) I'm hoping I'll get a decent mark this time around, too.

    The brain "fog"/cognitive deterioration or whatever you like to call it has become one of my worst symptoms, because I can't talk to people anymore. If they slow down, the words get stuck on repeat in my brain, if they make a list, I lose track, and if they talk normally my head feels like it will explode! All the words just spin around and around. It's really weird. And I'm hyper-sensitive to stimuli. So living with a younger brother makes it much harder!

    I really hope that once I graduate from high school I'll improve, because I only got this sick when high school got serious - the HSC. (Years 11 and 12) I figure once I'm no longer reduced to a number, and being told that the number defines my life, I'll feel a lot less stressed. And stress makes me really sick!

    Take care,
    Alex =)