Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Maths and other things

Another outing!
I got to go to IKEA on Saturday, as I really needed a new wardrobe and bedside table. I didn't go until 4pm, but I still needed Ondansetron; I've been getting shocking nausea, headaches, dizziness and disorientation/confusion from the LDN. (Which I have had to stop taking; I have been off it for two or three days.) I went to the cafe first, and I really love IKEA's cafe. Particularly the free refills on soft drinks! But for the past 4 days I've eaten one bowl of low fat pumpkin soup (nearly threw it up, that was a mistake) and a few spoons of coconut rice if I get starving. I wonder if I've lost weight; I know I lost a kilo last week. Anyway, I was all *sadface* because I couldn't even finish the kids' bowl of chips I'd got. But I managed a glass of Pepsi. =D It's a good thing I don't lose weight as easily as I used to, otherwise I'd be really thin by now!

Mum had already found out what aisle the wardrobe and bedside table were in, so we went to get them, then organised delivery for the next day, preferably after midday. The furniture arrived at 11am, so I got up at 10.15am, (which is when Mum warned me it would be dropped off soon) watched a bit of tv, and was going to go back to bed, but had to help with the grocery shopping, and get some take-away coconut rice. (If you're ever feeling nauseous, this seems to be quite tolerable in small amounts.) Then I went back to bed, to catch up on sleep. I'd only got 2hrs' broken sleep during the night. O.o

We're going to organise for the furniture to be assembled (hopefully) sometime this week, and then I'll post pics on Tumblr or Twitter of the new furniture. One of the wardrobe doors has a mirror on it, which is brilliant, 'cause I've only ever had one of those little mirrors designed to sit on a shelf so you can see your face. Not useful for looking at a whole outfit!

I started Unit 4 on Sunday, having finished my calculus assignment last week, and my 70-minute SAC in the same week, as well. I'm really not sure about how I'll go, and I know for sure I got one of the short-answer questions really wrong. I guessed. Sometimes guessing pays off, sometimes it doesn't; but you had to attempt every question to show a satisfactory understanding of the topics in that SAC. Ew. Week 1 is antidifferentiation, which is pretty hard. There are also way too many rules, plus it's complicated to set out and remember what I am supposed to be writing!

I had maths tutoring on Monday, and we covered all of Week 1, then after about 2.5hrs of tutoring, I studied for another 3.5hrs, and I managed to complete the week's homework and a 20-minute practice exam. I plan to revise antidifferentiation as soon as I can sleep enough and the house is quiet. I hope I get a decent score for maths this year, I know that it wasn't this difficult in Year 11!!

I might ask some of my friends who graduated last year to study with me/share their notes before my exams. That is one slight advantage to being left behind; you can get help from others who have very recently suffered through the same subjects as you!

I hope my tutor isn't disappointed in me when I get my marks back. She's really nice, I just feel like I could do so much better if I could sleep each night, or 3 nights per week. I feel like I'm letting everyone down; I used to be able to survive on 3hrs' sleep every night when I was 13, now I can't survive on 4 or 5hrs' broken sleep. I think if I were to get 5hrs' sleep without waking, between 11pm and 4am, I would be okay. But some nights I am awake until 4am, or even 8am. And I don't sleep deeply after a whole night awake anymore.

I slept much better on Saturday night, only waking two or three times, and I got to sleep at around 1am, woke at 2am and 6.30am, and got up at 10.15am. Obviously I didn't get 8hrs' sleep, as I was awake from 6.30 onwards, dozing occasionally.
Sunday night I slept about the same, except I woke at 2.30am, and couldn't sleep between 7.30am and 11am as my younger brother had a friend over for a sleepover the night before, and they were quite loud. But, thankfully, they were silent when they got up at 4am or something to watch the World Cup. I had maths tutoring at midday, so I had to get up at 11am, and I took Ondansetron at 10.40am, so I would be able to get ready and eat a little without throwing up.
I slept okay last night, as well; I got to sleep at around 1.30am, woke once or twice (I don't remember when, so I musn't have been awake long) and have been awake since 6.50am. (It's nearly 10.20am.)

I've dimmed my bedside alarm clock so that it doesn't display the time; all my doctors have made me "clock watch" so I can say when I wake/sleep, etc. but that obviously increases anxiety and makes you less likely to sleep. I'm getting used to it, slowly, but I hope it helps my sleep in the long run. I honestly think, looking back at my sleep pattern, that any amount of anxiety or stress directly affects my sleep. Which is why my sleep has been getting steadily worse, along with my health, since I started Year 11, and I get worse each time a doctor lies to me, lets me down, or makes false promises and gives false hope. Ie. "I can cure you, you feel like this all because of your Idiopathic Hypersomnolence." I need to learn to let go of these things, but I've never been good at moving on, or no longer dwelling on the past, so it will be really hard. But it's affecting my health, so I must try.

I'm wondering if I should keep going with my blog; I do know that some people read it, I'm just not sure if it's worth it. I feel I should post at least each week, but is there a point if no one really cares? Would I be better off just using my energy to write in my diary most days. If anyone has any opinions, tips or comments, I'm always happy to hear them!


  1. i read! keep updating when you can, dont feel pressured to do every week if you feel crappy.

  2. Thanks! I don't feel pressured to update; I'd love to be able to blog more often, but I just don't feel it's worth it if no one reads. I will keep blogging, even if there's only two people who read it!

  3. I'm reading it. My advice would be to keep blogging because YOU love it. I have found that when I blog for others I don't write as well, but, when I blog for me, people seem to respond in droves.

    Just a thought!

  4. i read it every time you update. I blog almost every day then check any blogs that have been updated as I am mainly at hoe on my own lying on the sofa with a duvet as i find it hard going out so it's always an extra blog to read. It's also interesting for me as you are a similar age to me (im 22) so we are sortof same generation lol.
    I agree with Dominique... blogging should be for your own enjoyment.
    You could limit it to once a week and it means you have loads to write about at the end of the week...
    just a suggestion... if all else fails and you want to moan to someone personally instead, then I am more than happy to chat. You can email me on veeveeblog@ymail.com

    Veevee x x

  5. Thanks VeeVee and Dominique, I will keep blogging. I just sometimes wonder if anyone's reading, or if I'm just complaining again! Not much has happened this week, but I'll find something to blog about, even if it ends up being my maths tutoring session. =P

    I'm finding it harder to blog as my laptop is getting more moody - it needs a trip to the technician's, but I have to wait until I'm officially back at school. In November. It had better keep working until then!! Thanks for the support, guys! =D