Year 12.

It's meant to be stressful, and it is. The bad news: I have another year of it to look forward to.

I guess I'm posting this at about 1.30am because I'm reading posts on Twitter and Facebook about the Valedictory dinner, and there was our last day, muck up day, and the Valedictory service earlier in the week. I was too sick for the last day and muck up day. But I couldn't go to the Valedictory service or dinner because I'm now only allowed to attend one. (ie. Class of '09 or Class of '10.)

I wouldn't be upset if I'd had more warning, but one month isn't enough. Not for bad news like that. And it was recommended that I attend next year's. I feel distanced from this year level, and I've never wanted it to be that way. Partly because I could only do one subject this year. Partly because I'm not really encouraged to participate in events like Valedictory. I can understand that people want me to fit in well with the Class of '10, but it doesn't mean I need to be left out of major events like these. I could have chosen to go this year. But what if I made more friends next year, and was healthy enough to enjoy it? And it would have impacted greatly on my study abilities.

I should have been able to choose to go to both, not be encouraged or directed to take another path.

I'm upset, but I'm not going to cry over this. It's not worth it. Yes, I'll be in the Class of '09 photo from the start of the year, but I'll be missing from everyone's Facebook albums. Adults don't always understand the importance of things like that. But when you're this sick, and you spend a lot of time on Facebook and the like, you notice your absence from key events. At least I'm allowed to attend both reunions - Class of '09 and '10.

I just wanted to see everyone, together, one last time.

Next year will be hard. Making friends, all over again. Being a year older than everyone else. Not knowing people's names. Maybe things will work out, and I'll find a place to fit in again. Maybe, this time next year, I will have had a brilliant time at Valedictory, and won't have any regrets, because there will be reunions. It's hard to know, even before you factor in severe ME/CFS.

That's what I fear and hate at the same time: the unknown.