Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Doctor Who, & a little good news!

The 11th Doctor!!
I watched the first episode with Matt Smith, & it took a while, but I've got to say that I do like him... A lot. He's quirky & funny, but is lacking the dress sense of the 10th Doctor. (Who is still my all-time fave!) I'm going to keep watching. I also like Amy, his soon to be (I presume) companion. She reminds me of Donna! I really liked the episode, though it was slow in a few parts. I absolutely hated the complete overhaul of the theme music, logo, TARDIS interior & sonic screwdriver. I loved the continuity of "wibbly-wobbly... timey-wimey..." It was brilliant, & I love anything that links back to my fave Doctor. I'm counting down the hours (practically) until the next episode: Sunday night!! If any of my Twitter followers are reading this; please no spoilers!! =P

Now, the good news:
My mum mailed my SAC & SEND tasks from Weeks 1-4 yesterday, so if the address/name/location are correct, my teacher should receive it today. (Wednesday.) That means I'm no longer behind in my work!!

Complete exhaustion...
After the marathon study session & maths tutoring & finishing my SAC, I was exhausted the next day, Sunday. I expected that. But it's now Wednesday & I can't see any improvement. I'm doing 3x the work I did when I attended a real school, I have no social life/contact & receiving any form of communication is really dodgy. You never know if it'll be a month late, on time, or 7 weeks late. So the stress from that isn't helping things at all. I still haven't been able to get out of bed most days until 4pm. My alarm goes off at 2pm, but I'm too weak & dead tired to move. So I just lie there.

Week 9 SEND tasks:
I obviously can't work on the Week 9 SEND tasks tomorrow, as I have a personal training session. (Yes, I'm still persevering with that.) So I'll have to do it on Thursday, if I have any ability to sit & study. I'll have to take meds to do so, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make! (It's really hard to get these particular meds.) It's a short bit on the "tangent function" & something else where you mark key points on 2 graphs, then add  them to come up with an in-between graph. I'm just so wiped out, it's terrifying me. Also, it's about 5am, I haven't slept yet, & need my sleep really badly.

Good morning/goodnight...
It's getting early in the morning, so I'll attempt sleep for the 1000th time! I hope my readers are well, & if anyone has any feedback, tips, or just would like to chat about ME/CFS, or Doctor Who, or something, then comment!! I read all of them! =D

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Lots of stress, too much study...

First SAC of the year...
My SAC didn't arrive in the mail like it was supposed to. So my teacher tried emailing it. Her attachment kept crashing the iMac. So she sent it in the message body of the email, & left work. At 4.15pm. At 5.02pm the message arrived, but the SAC was riddled with errors - a Yen symbol replaced the infinity symbol throughout the SAC, etc. But when I emailed my teacher, she said that it didn't appear that way on her computer, but that the Yen symbol did mean infinity. So I had several panic attacks & became hysterical. (The idea that I was going to fail & I'd missed basic concepts of maths was overwhelming.)
Then my mum left voicemail messages for the student wellbeing person, the year level co-ordinator, the Principal & my teacher outlining the situation they'd placed me in. Including the fact that THEY sent my work 7 weeks late & expected me to magically do 42 - 56hrs of work over the holidays to catch up. Despite the fact I'd explained my situation & had applied on medical grounds.
So it arrived in the mail the next day, (Thursday afternoon) my teacher apologised, as did the year level co-ordinator & the Principal. The SAC counts for the work from Weeks 5, 6 & 7, & I have an extension until this Thursday! I started it on Friday, & finished it today, after tutoring. I texted my tutor last week with a list of the concepts I was finding really hard (graphs; particularly reflections & dilations, as well as circular functions) so we revised that. Luckily it helped some with the SAC. I think I'll get an okay mark. I don't wanna jinx it, lol.

Maths tutoring...
So I had Maths tutoring yesterday, & it went for 2.5 - 3hrs! After that I worked on my SAC. Then I ate... I ended up starving by the end of it! But with tutoring, we covered all of Week 9 (this week beginning Monday) & it was relatively short. Basically just the "tangent function" & some odd thing where you add intercepts to come up with an in-between graph. F**k knows why you'd want to, but, yeah. I learned that. Also, I hate circular functions, I hate graphs, so the "tangent function" is irritating. It's a graph that's circular functions. I guess I just hate graphs & circular functions because I'm not that good at them!
So after resting today, then sending my work off on Monday, I'll attempt the SEND tasks for Week 9 on Tuesday, maybe. If I don't get sick, & everything goes according to plan, I should be on track until the next SAC. It's on differentiation. (Calculus...) I like it more than graphs, that's for sure!

I've been trying to go to bed between midnight & 1am for the past week or something, but, as you can see, tonight, I ceebz. I'm wide awake, it's almost 2.30am, & there were some really good shows taped on the Foxtel iQ. Plus I wanted to stay up until I wasn't dizzy/feeling sick/had a headache from overdoing it yesterday with all that maths! I've tried reading to make me sleepy; no matter what I read, whether it's tax law, news sites, actual newspapers, novels, Shakespeare, poetry, blogs, medical information I've printed off, medical sites, blogs; anything, it doesn't help me sleep. Sometimes just watching tv or DVDs on my laptop until I'm sleepy works. That's why it's great having all those Skins & The OC DVDs! But I am hoping to get a serious sleep pattern going soon, in anticipation of exams & (hopefully) school & graduation next year. I still want a decent ENTER, but right now, I'll settle for getting back to school!

Well, it's nearly 2.30am, so I'm going to try & sleep now. I love it when anyone posts a comment, or gives feedback. It's nice to know people out there are actually reading this, & some of you understand. I've since downloaded a lot more apps for my iPhone, so there are heaps of things to keep me occupied when I can't sleep, am bored during the day, or want to multi task... Watch tv & use an iPhone. =p Also, is it just me, or are The Killers mentioned in the song "Boys Boys Boys" by Lady GaGa? I could swear they are. Then again, I have ME/CFS induced brain fog!! Hope anyone who reads this is well... Or as well as possible. =)

Saturday, April 10, 2010


I got an iPhone today!! I'm so excited!!! It's a black, 32GB iPhone. It's awesome, but I only spent about 10mins using it; then I put a protective screen cover on it, & you're supposed to wait 12hrs before you turn it on. I put it on at 2.50pm. It's now 4.30pm, so I may just wait 6hrs. That way I can load some apps on to it tonight! One of my friends recommended Echofon for a Twitter app, & suggested I get a Facebook app. Any other suggestions for games/apps I should get? My brother loves something called "Doodle jump" ... Or something. Don't quote me on that. There's also a horrific app where you can kill a cartoon bunny. As a 13-year-old boy, he loves that app. lol.
It took a lot of persuasion, from me & my mum, but my father finally caved in; we ended his contract a couple of months early, paid an exit fee, then used my sim card for the iPhone, so I've still got the same number, just my father has the more expensive plan. =o (His is a $39 cap + $14 for the iPhone per month, mine is a $29 cap + $8 of 500MB internet/data use per month.) My mum argued that seeing as I'm up all hours, & am at home, don't cost much (you know, I don't go out, so no expensive shoes, dresses, concert tickets, whatever) it'd be a great thing to occupy me. Plus I deserve it. =p And a lot of my friends have them. When it was first released, my contract had expired, but my father said it was too expensive to get. (It was, it was probably a $69 cap per month + $$ for the iPhone!) So now it's cheaper, I have less to think about, like if I forget my iPod, I have my iPhone, & I don't have to constantly restart my phone to get access to internet at 3am. It can access the home wi-fi. =D I can't wait to find out all the features & apps I can get!!

I had tutoring at 9.30am today, last night I went on a Starlight escape to a comedian's show, & I didn't get to sleep until about 1.40am, woke at 6am, & didn't sleep again. So I went on Twitter, complained. (As always! =p) Then after a few hours I got up, took my meds, had a shower, had breakfast & got ready. I went pretty well; we've nearly finished week 7, so I'm up to date in that sense, but as for the SEND tasks, I'm up to... Week 5, which I've just started. My SAC should arrive on Monday, & I have all week to do it, (well, I only have 50mins for it, but I can do it any day, or over a few days) & tutoring is on the weekend, when we'll start on week 8. I just hope I can catch up to week 7 before next weekend. I did ring my teacher. (Well, my mum rang my teacher, who called me.) She said I can do half the SEND tasks if I want, use my calculator, & skip the analysis questions, unless I think I can do them quickly. I just need to send in enough work from each week to show that I grasp the concepts. I really do wish my work hadn't been so late. It's not like I need any more stress!

Doctor Who
The Easter episode of Doctor Who is airing on iView (on the ABC's site) on the 16/04, & it's on tv on the 18/04!! I'm really interested. I want to see what sort of a Doctor Matt Smith will be, & I'm willing to give him a decent chance. But David Tennant will always be my Doctor! I've heard he's quite quirky, which sounds good. A Doctor like Christopher Eccleston's takes a lot of adjustment. But he could be funny, at times, which I liked.
I downloaded a whole lot of awesome desktops/backgrounds/wallpapers the other night; all of the 10th Doctor. I picked the ones that look amazing, or mean something to me, because of the image or the quote. They've got great imagery with quotes & all sorts of things! It's amazing how much great stuff is on Google images. Other wallpapers are just awesome because it's the 10th Doctor. =p

I'm in more pain, my back is pretty bad today because I haven't slept enough, haven't spent any time lying down since 8.30am, & have done a lot today. I went to one store nearby to get the protective screen cover & case for my iPhone, then went to the big shopping centre to get the iPhone. The main store had sold out (within 2hrs of me phoning) but the kiosk on the next level had some, so that was good. It was a lot of walking, though. Improving my posture hasn't improved my pain yet; it's still getting worse, & it's migrating. It used to always be severe lower back pain that radiated up my spine, now it can be in the middle of my spine or even in my neck. Or just my whole back & spine. It's really hard to cope with. Also, I had blurred vision the other night, which scared me, because it hasn't happened since I was on the Gabapentin. It went away eventually, & I still managed to do some maths hw, which was good. =)

I don't know if anyone reads this anymore, because I'm not getting any comments... Seriously, I don't mind whether it's a recommendation for apps, how to layout my blog, or your experiences with ME/CFS; anything positive/constructive, really. I'm happy to hear it! I hope I am reaching someone, rather than just blogging for no reason.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Busy & stressed!

My past week:
On the 27/03 & 28/03 I had two hours of Maths tutoring each day to catch up; I'd missed the previous week's session because I went to see a movie with a friend, & it was my birthday that weekend. One of the worst ever. So it took me a while to recover from that. (In fact, I'm not sure I have recovered yet.)
On the 30/03 I had a dentist's appointment, which was exhausting & I also got my iPod fixed & looked at Sportsgirl.
Then on the 31/03 I had my first personal training session at the gym, which went well, but I was incredibly exhausted as my younger brother had a friend & the friend's younger brother at our place all day.
The next day (01/04) I had a hair cut/colour & it took a few hours, but it was nice to get out of the house & do something that didn't involve ME/CFS for once. Then I noticed a sale at Cotton On & the Bonds outlet, so I bought a loose top that matches my pajamas for $5 from Cotton On, a jacket & long sleeve t-shirt from the Bonds outlet. Then I was exhausted.
On Sunday (04/03) I went to the footy after an awful weekend, thanks to my father. I had a good time with my half-brother from Germany, his girlfriend & my family. (Excluding my father.) After the footy match we went to the Hilton to have a coffee & some snacks, then caught a taxi home.

My further exhaustion & feelings of being overwhelmed:
I got back at about 9.50pm last night, & had to shower & wash, dry, straighten my hair & do my Methods hw which I'd been too busy or wiped out to do all week. I've finally got all of week 1 ready to send in, & all of week 2 except for 1 question. Just 5 more weeks of work to be completed by the 11/04 & I'm set. Then I have a SAC the first week of term, but I'm allowed to take rest breaks, etc. plus my mum is supervising me. So that should quell some of my nerves/panic attacks/anxiety about exams/tests/SACs. I hope.

Sleep: (or lack thereof)
It's 4am & I haven't slept yet. My body is keeping me awake, despite the fact I've taken my meds, because it knows I have tutoring at 1pm, & my body thinks I'll oversleep. It's stupid. I need sleep for tutoring, so my body ensures I don't sleep before tutoring. It's torture & a waste of my valuable meds! I'm going to go insane from lack of sleep. I either get to sleep by 4am & wake every 10mins or get to sleep by 8am & wake every 30mins. Both are exhausting, both cannot be classified as sleep, & no one can help me. I'm on my own here. I've tried everything & nothing helps. Exercise seems to make it worse, stress obviously does & I'm stressed out of my mind.

So busy & so desperate to sleep:
I need to get to sleep!!! My half-brother from Germany & his girlfriend are coming over after tutoring for an early dinner & also so they can tell us about their trip through central Australia. I must study, I must pass, I must get a good mark, & I must return to school next year. The isolation is awful & so is being stuck at home. I just want the energy & ability to escape for a few days. I'm not coping anymore.

Expect another post soon, unless I get too sick to use my laptop again!